Something between Us

Chapter 41.

"You look incredible Al," I smile that the use of my nickname doesn't sting anymore. 
I've invested into my self completely the last few months of High School.
I focused on making my Cheer Team everything I wanted it to be. 
We promote body confidence and the Cheer Squad have a facility within the School where any students can come to us to chat, anonymously if they prefer. 
I wanted to make my last few months as a Senior count and I'm doing exactly that. 
I'm still seeing my therapist regularly and it works for me, I finally feel like I can breath. 
I've opened a social media page were I upload daily positive quotes for all my school friends to see when they wake up and feel good about themselves. 
I want to be the change I desperately needed growing up. The pressure High School kids are under is immense... Sexual assault in High School and college is more common that I even want to admit. So I've made it my mission to drill into the heads of Freshman to Seniors what sexual assault is. 
It's surprised me how little knowledge we all have on this.

"If you say no, that means no. If you say yes but change your mind. That also means no. If you're too drunk to say yes, that means no. Guys and girls we are told how not be a victim. What about telling these criminals how not to be a predator. The reason? We can't stop these people from doing what they want... But we can bring these people to justice, we can take as many out of our school grounds. Off the streets and behind bars. If we accept it wasn't our fault. 
Being in a room alone at a party with older kids doesn't mean you were asking for it." 
The busy auditorium erupt into cheers,  I feel so proud to see the seats full of students ready to fight back against sexual assault, rape and harassment.  These guys want and demand the same change I'm desperate to start the process of. 
"Girls, just because you're walking alone at night. Wearing a short skirt or heck enjoy sex," this needs to be said. "Just because you post revealing pictures does not mean you're saying yes. You choose what people see, you choose who you have sexual relationships. You decide when and where. No one has a God given right to make that decision for you. 
"Guys," they're equally a victim of sexual assault, they aren't always just the predator, they need a voice too. 
"I believe you, to the guys too scared to come forward we believe you." I sigh, knowing the stigma of sexuality and male rape 
"Being raped by a man if you're straight does not make you gay..." They need this too.
"Being raped by a woman doesn't mean you wanted it because your body responded differently to you mind. Being raped by a woman doesn't make you weak." 
I walk along the stage point to different people in the crowd. 
"I'm with you all. When I graduate I want this to be my legacy, I want this to continue for future generations. We all need to know this, to hear this and to have this safe space to come to."
I've worked on myself to save myself, and to save others. 

"Hey you," My heart skips a beat when the most seductive voice whispers into my ear. 
I turn around immediately and beam.
"Hey yourself.."
"I just wanted to say that seminar was amazing Al, I'm so proud of you."
I wrap my arms around the blue eyed boy and bury my head into his shoulder.
"Thank you."
Ever since Chase and I broke things off we've been in such a good place. We give each other the space we need. There's no late night rendezvous, no sweeping the other off the feet. 
We just talk, a lot. Never about us, never about the past. We agreed to keep working on the project together so we had that linking us together. 
Every therapy session Chase would call and ask me how it went. 
Every seminar I held he would be there. 
Every cheer routine he'd be cheering me on. As much as I'd want to kiss him and run away with our desires I haven't. We're different now. For the first time in the whole of our friendship we've learnt how to be just friends. 
When things are tough I can lean on myself. I don't need Chase to save me, in fact I don't want him too and he doesn't try to save me. 
The need we had for each other was toxic. I needed him to validate my existence and he needed me to be his calm in the storm. We needed to be our own validation and our own calm. 
Sometime I want to ask if he's still waiting for me. Some days I'm close to telling him I'm ready now. 
But college is fast approaching. We have a fresh start waiting us, so part of me believes if we were to find our way into a relationship again it would be when we're in out thirties, mature, lived and experienced the world.
The thought worries me deep down, I want to experience the world with Chase. But I know if that doesn't happen we'll both me okay.
"I gotta head off early I've got plans tonight." 
Chase is shifty I almost don't want to ask him is plans, but I'm Ally Benson, a sucker for punishment.
"A date?" 
I raise my brow and Chase's eyes go wide, he's deciding if he should lie or just tell me the truth.
"It's fine Chase, we're in a good place now. You deserve to be happy."
I mean it, "besides, we know this will only end one way." I wink at him and he blushes the brightest red. We've refrained from the flirty banter for the last couple of months in fear we'd cross friendship boundaries we weren't ready to cross.
"It's not a date-" Chase on a date isn't something I ever thought I'd be ready to see. But here I am, still standing, still smiling and composed. 
"Enjoy Chase," I roll my eyes and create a space between us, "it's not-" 
He yells to me as I walk away but I've heard rumours that a girl from his music class has been keen to ask him on a date for weeks. Melody, a very fitting name for the girl who'll major in music in college. She's a pretty girl, tall dark brown hair that falls to her sit just above her waist always pin straight. She's definitely a good match for Chase. 
I smile, Chase has been doing amazingly too, he's been working on his anger a lot. Chase discovered he has abandonment issues from the loss of his Mom and DeDe he's been terrified of letting people in because he's lived with this idea that his love jinxed them. 
When he thought I wanted to take my own life those emotions came flooding back. 
I can't help but wonder if part of his problem has always been loving me. Since letting go he's been stronger, braver and calmer. Maybe I was the puzzle piece that didn't fit the bored. 

********

"Please tell me you're coming to Henry's party... Its one of the last parties of senior year.
You cannot miss it." Lola is so dramatic, prepare for the performance of her life.
"You has smashed life. You've literally come back from an absolute break down, this is like your comeback party." I laugh at my blonde best friend. Dramatic, over the top and crazy.
"Comeback party?" I raise my brow at her, "really?"
She laughs hard, "well yeah, you went from you know, rock bottom and now you're thriving. That needs to be celebrated."
She puts her hands together like she's praying and shows me her pet lip, "please please please."
"Lo, when did I say I wouldn't come?" 
I laugh, realising I haven't actually objected to going to this party. 
"Really?" Lola squeals hugging me tight. 
This is the first party I'll be going too since the Chase drama began. 
The scars on my wrists are starting to heal but they're still pretty obvious.
"I have a long sleeve dress you could wear?" I appreciate Lola's attempt to help. 
But something hits me, I don't want to hide in shame anymore. I don't want to be cautious when I'm choosing my outfits. I made a mistake when I hit my lowest point. I won't run from that anymore..
"Actually I want to wear this," I smile holding up a brown leather pants and black laced thin strappy bralet.
Lola smiles like a Cheshire cat, "smoking." She looks proud a she takes in my bravery. 
"Now release the wild hair and your winning." Lola winks and I do just that I feel confident in this outfit and I can't help but feel excited for this party.