Something between Us

Chapter 31.

I've convinced myself Chase wasn't there.
I've managed to complete the school day without him confronting me about my conversation with Tate.
Even if he was there he can't have heard anything, I'm safe, I'm sure of it.
Lola and I drive home in silence. I told Lola about my conversation with Tate and she accepts I've taken enough of a mental beating today so she doesn't try to pressure me to talk about it all.
I appreciate that.
"Do you think its strange?" I break the silence.
"That Chase didn't connect the dots but Tate did?"
I ask Lola wondering if it's just my mind playing games with me.
Chase knows me better than anyone. Or so I thought he did. If Tate could see it why couldn't Chase.
"No," she tells me simply.
I keep my eyes on the road wondering if she will elaborate.
"Chase felt hurt so he wasn't ready to listen. Tate started this so he had no choice but to listen when he seen what he'd put you through."
"Tate's a dick and he went too far but when he seen what it done to you he had to listen.
I nod, accepting her view on the situation.
"It's hard to connect the dots when the dots are so spread out. I believe that Chase knows deep down it doesn't add up."
I choose not to respond. I toy with the idea internally and wonder if Tate ever did have a point. Maybe Chase doesn't know me better than anyone like I've always believed.
My mind pictures the look of betrayal smeared over his flawless face images soon replaced by a regretful Tate.
"Are you sure you don't want a sleepover, we can order pizza and cry at Edward Scissor Hands?" Lola brings her hands to her chest pretending to be heartbroken over the thought of the film.
"As tempting as that is, I've got a load of homework. I don't need the distractions."
I play along with her childish nature.
"You should do your homework too."
I warn her as she shuts the door behind her, waving me off as she disregards my warning.
It's pretty clear to me she's going to order pizza and watch Edward Scissor hands herself and neglect the pile of homework I know she's had piling up.
I laugh a little as I pull away; that's just Lola.

Meet me at your old ballet studio. I'm already there.
I re read the message, over and over again as if the more time I'll read it the chances of the words sinking into my brain increase.
It doesn't work and I can't calm my nerves. The text message just proves that those were Chases shoes I spotted. Meaning the chances of him having heard the conversation are pretty damn high.
My heart is pounding. I told myself telling Chase the truth would do more harm to him than the version he's come to in his own mind.
Now he knows something, can I really avoid hurting him again?
"Ally..." My mom calling me knock me out of my own mind.
I come out of my trance and I'm sat at the dining room table, fork in hand pushing my food around the plate.
"Did you hear me?"
I look blankly at her, expressionless yet so full of emotional all in one glance
"Are you okay sweet pea?" My mom knows the whole story. Right from Freshman year, to Chases broken face. She knows it all. That's the thing about having a mom who shows me respect and privacy. I'm inclined to trust her more than anyone.
"I'm fine mom,-"
I mumble with my elbow on the table using my hand as a prop to keep my head up.
Normally she'd go crazy about the rudeness, but today she's letting it go.
"What's toying with your mind honey?" Her tone is honey sweet  her arm over the table to reach for my hand.
"Chase," I breathe. It's always Chase.
"He wants to meet me, to talk" I shrug.
"So go," my mom instructs like I've not been toying with the idea for the last thirty minuets.
"But-" I try to voice my concerns.
"You have held onto this secret for far too long. I've watched it tare you apart from the inside and come back stronger. Of course I wanted you to go to the police and if I ever see that.." She pauses not wanting to upset me. 
"What I'm trying to say is you survived this trauma honey. You did it. All on your own, from the brink of destruction you found your way again and you survived. Be proud of yourself honey. You got through that storm that failed to crush you."
I can see the pride and hurt in my mom's face. She hated that Charlie never got punished for what he done to me. But I can see she's proud of me for weathering this storm alone. 
"I know it's hurt you to deny Chase the truth," my mom speaks as if she's sat on my brain picking at my cranium.
"You have come so far darling," she sighs, "you don't owe one person an explanation for your skeletons. But-" She's looking me dead in the eye.
"I'm afraid this going to consume you." she sighs fighting back the tears.
"You need to let Chase decide if he's ready to hear it as long as you are ready to tell. But that's a decision only you can make. This is your storm sweetie."
I appreciate having a mom who cares so effortlessly that she makes it seem like the most natural thing in the world to have a heart so full of love and care.
I offer her the smile I know she's waiting for.
"He'll have left by now," I tell her and she laughs softly
"I think we both know that boy would wait all night long if he has to."
I know she's right.