Something between Us

Chapter 28.

"Lola be quiet please." 
It's not lost on me that we're in the middle of the crowded field. Lola hasn't stopped asking me questions about my confession. 
Who knows? Will you tell Chase? He'll understand. 
Lola can be amazing in these situations. She can really be there for you lift you up and make you feel like you aren't alone. 
But not today. Today she's bushing my buttons. Chase and I are so happy. We've pushed through our problems and we're in a good place. 
This a secret that is mine. This happened to me not her. She can't tell me when the right time to tell someone this. It's not like I'm telling him his brother tripped me over.
"I just want you to be able to move on from this and really be happy."
 Lola reassures me.
"I get that but," I pause trying to refrain from sounding too angry at her.
"I've dealt with this for a long time now. I know what I'm doing." I sigh, "this is my secret Lola. Not yours."
Lola nods, "And Charlie was Chase's brother. Doesn't he have a right to know?"
I feel mad. How can Lola be so blunt about this. Charlie is Chases' brother yes. But Charlie did this to me. I'm the one who has to live with this and how I choose to live with this is on me.
"You have no idea what you're talking about." I hiss I can't help it. 
She is frustrating me now. I know she thinks she's helping. But she's not. Helping would be accepting how I choose to deal with my own traumas.
"Well well wel.... Looks like Ms Benson has been a terrible.."
My face turns a pale shade of grey. The voice behind me is cold, sarcastic and I know he heard every single word. 
I look at Lola in dispair. She know's this situation is her doing. If she kept her mouth shut I wouldn't be in this very situation.
"What the hell are you talking about?" I try to play dumb.
"You fucked Charlie." Tate says as if it's a well known fact.
My heart sinks. I shake my head repeatedly. "You're full of shit. Leave me alone."
I know he won't give in. Lola has dangled out a bone and this dog is in the mood for fetch. 
"So Charlie took you V card. Now he's banged up you've settled for the little brother." 
If only Tate knew the truth would be so cold.
"I'm warning you Tate," my eyes are threatening me with tears. 
"Oh are you scared I'm going to tell him?" His laugh is pure evil.
"You don't know what you're talking about Tate." Lola speaks up, hoping her voice is enough to help defuse the situation she helped set alight. 
"Ally and Charlie, you know if kind of makes sense. Girls like you always like the bad guy."
"A bad guy? You mean a fucking rapist." I didn't mean to yell. But here I am screaming at this boy.  
Tate is smiling, he's looking right past me his attention couldn't be further away from me. He looks so satisfied with himself.
There's a throat clearing behind me and when I turn around I'm met with face of a broken boy. He looks at me like I'm a stranger and I know he heard the whole conversation. 
Fate hates me. I must have the worlds worst Karama.
"Chase," I whisper I feel his heart shatter at the very same time mine does.
"What the fuck did he just say?" Chase snarls at me.
 I shake my head running to him. "He's wrong Chase. Please." 
"I heard the whole conversation Ally. Don't try an sly your way out this one."
Chases eyes dart to Tate who's smiling at the destruction he's just caused. 
"Looks like you were living in someone else's shadow too buddy." He's a horrible piece of shit. 
Chase looks at and all I see behind his eyes is rage. He's looking at me in a way he never has before. As if he hates me. 
"Go to hell Ally." He pulls his arms away from me and within the blink of an eye he's gone. 
I want to run after him. But I don't.
My body turns around and I'm charging towards a smug Tate. "I fucking hate you." I scream lunging my fist to his face. He catches it. His reflexes' are too fast for me. I bray my hand onto his chest repeatedly. 
"Hey you done it not me." He's so wrong. I've never wanted tell someone the truth more.
"You don't have a clue what happened with Charlie. I didn't want any of it." I scream. My sobs are so loud my hands smacking off him. 
I watch as the colour on his face turns from peach to a pale white. It's like the penny drops. 
"Ally. What?" Tate holds my hands in his trying to calm me. I can hear Lola in the background and I can feel her arms around me. "You don't have to tell him a thing." I hear her say and Tate slowly processes the conversation he heard. The person Charlie was and the way I'm reacting. 
"I didn't have sex with Charlie!" I tell him, "he tried." I shudder.
"I got lucky." I find it bizarre how I feel lucky. I'm luckier than the girls from the trials.
"Charlie assaulted me.." 
There it is. The second person I've told from my own mouth and I hate that the person isn't Chase. 
I hate that I had to tell someone when I wasn't ready too.
Tate looks at me in shock. His face laced with regret, he's horrifed.
"Ally I'm so sorry." He's quick with his words but I shove him off me.
"I never want to speak to you. I never want to see you. Again!" 
Lola grabs my arm to stop me but I pull away. "Stay the hell away from me." I yell at her.
I can't help but blame her for this situation. I know this isn't what she wanted, but if she just let me be. This never would have happened.

*******

I don't know how I made it home without crashing I can barely see anything through the tears clouding my eyes and the images of a broken boy stood in front of me.
In moment I watched on as his world fell beneath him and I was the person responsible.
All I know is I need chance to explain.
Stuart knows. Lola knows and now Tate knows.
I know how it must have sounded to Chase. I know what Tate was telling him. Surely My Chase would never believe it. He must know that Tate was wrong. 
I need him to know the truth. I just hope it's not too late and he hasn't already created his own version of the truth.
The knot in my stomach and the hurt I feel in my heart has convinced me he's already decided the truth and it's going to be an impossible task.
The look in his eyes breaks me whenever. I see those beautiful blue eyes in my mind all over again, coated in pain.
The hardest part is the truth isn't going to be any less painful for him to hear.
I find myself hating my naivety in believing I could be with Chase and keep such a secret from him.
"You're gonna loose him.." Rings like an alarm in my mind.
I hastily park my car up outside my house, Chase's dads car isn't home so at least I know I'll catch him alone.
I doubt Chase will have gotten home before me. I drove home like a lunatic so if he's on foot I'll be waiting a while longer for him.
I use the time to mentally prepare myself. Trying to plan out in my mind what I'm going to say to him. I can't predict how a conversation like this will go and that very fact is making me feel sick to my stomach.
No matter what he hears today, he could still hate me and want nothing more to do with me. "You're gonna loose him..." Rings in my head over and over again while I wait for what feels like forever to see Chase returning home.

Half an hour passes and I'm still sat in my car.
I've tried calling Chase more times than I can count. 
For someone who didn't know the context they'd believe I was a crazy jealous ex trying to reach out to a boy that doesn't care anymore.
The truth is  I'm just a girl who poorly misjudge a situation and now I'm having to pay the consequences for that.
Just as I re-dial Chases number I spot his silhouette. He notices my car I'm sure of it because I watch as he picks up the speed to get into his house as quick as possible.
"Chase," I call after him climbing out the drivers seat.
He doesn't hear me or so I try to convince myself that's why he did not turn back.
I follow him to his house and I make it just in time before he can close the door in my face. "Chase please talk to me." I beg.
"Piss off Ally, I have nothing I want to say to you."
He's barely giving me eye contact I can see the tear stains on his cheeks and his red blood eyes.
Not matter how harsh his attitude towards me I know he's just trying to mask the hurt.
"You have to let me explain-"
Chase unlocks his red door, looks back at me coldly.
"I don't have to do anything Ally. I don't give a shit what you have to say to me."
I don't know what it is but the fact he's calling me Ally stings my chest a little!
I put my foot in the door way my feeble attempt at preventing Chase from locking me out.
"I'm not going anywhere till we talk." I tell him and I mean it.
I'll wait out here all day if that's what I have to do. Chase laughs at me, but it's not his goofy laugh. It's not the laugh that makes my heart burst in my chest or the laugh you so desperately want to laugh along with. It's sarcastic, sinister almost.
"I get it now," he laughs again letting go of the door handle.
I look at him with a puzzled face.
"That's why got so mad about me and him talking about us, that's why he convinced me we would be a terrible idea."
Chase is belly laughing now, "how could I be so fucking blind."
"You've got it so wro-"
"Don't you dare tell me I've got it wrong!"
Chase slams his fist into the wall and my instant reaction is to comfort him but he shoos me away clenching his jaw - reaction to the pain in his fist.
"You play the innocent nice girl act, Ally," he sighs.
"You blamed me for everything that went wrong between us. You painted me to be a jerk." 
He's shaking his head at me now.
"I guess I was a jerk but at least I wasn't a liar."
I go to speak but Chase has found his voice and moments ago he had nothing to say to me but now he has too much to say.
"Do you know how embarrassing it is, knowing you fucked my brother. You let me blindly believe we were each others first."
"You don't get it Chase." I'm crying trying to tell him but he won't let me.
"I look at you now " His eyes are shining "and all I see is you and him."
I shudder at the thought.
His face is hellish red, it could explode in anger at any moment, I should take cover.
"So go write prison love letters to Charlie. Stay the hell out of my life because I promise you now Ally. I will never haunt your door way. Ever again."
"Fuck you Chase. Fine. Be that way." I feel angry at him for not caring enough to listen to me.
"If you don't care enough to listen you can go to hell yourself. I'm done trying. You don't want to listen, you don't want to understand."
I let the door close and embrace the dark sky. I convince myself if Chase knew me at all he'd have gave me even a small chance to explain. 
Maybe it's better this way.