Something between Us

Chapter 44.

When I get back to class I peer through the window to look for Chase. But he's not there anymore.
I wonder if he tried to follow me, or if the embarrassment of me running out on him lead him to run out himself in the opposite direction.
I feel deflated when he's not walking out of the full classroom when the bell rings. I should never have ran out like that. It was just so much to take in.
Chase and I have such a turbulent relationship. We're fighting, we're laughing. We're pushing each other away while clinging on for dear life. I'm kissing him in one breath and telling him to leave me in the next.
But we are inevitable. He said so himself. So maybe the mess we keep making of this isn't because we're wrong for each other, but because everything we could ever want in our person is in each other and we're so scared of loosing that forever that we jeopardise it all ourselves. 

I have a free period so I look out for Chase when I don't see him I assume he's gone home, I mean why would he come looking for me when he just poured his heart out into a class presentation. 
He wanted me to know that I have made his High School experience, he needed me to see it for myself. How far we've come since being kids. He put so much work into putting it together and I couldn't stick around to hear his speech at the end. 
"Why do you look so miserable today," Lola skips behind me in the library throwing her pom poms in my face. 
"fucking hell Lola, shhh." I laugh at her lack of care for the environment we're in. 
"I've been looking for you for ages," she tells me and I laugh at the irony of me wanting Chase to be looking for me but he hasn't.
"At least someone was trying to find me," I mutter into my algebra text book.
Lola pulls the book away and moves in closer.
"Oh no you don't," she instructs.
"You are not going back to pining over Chase. You finally learnt to be happy without him." 
I look at Lola who is so sure of herself, she flicks her blonde hair over her shoulders and gives me a harsh look.
"You've never been stronger Ally. Chase and that girl from the party are nothing trust me. She asked me on a date yesterday so I'm pretty sure she was never interested about what as in his pants."
I realise I haven't filled Lola in from the party drama, but the truth there wasn't anything to tell because I dealt with it and didn't need to relay the evening to her.  It was just another hiccup in mine and Chases relationship.
"It's not that.." I tell her closing my text book to look at her.
"Chase presented our presentation to the class. He said we were inevitable and shared these beautiful clips from our years of friendship."
Lola smiles, for someone who isn't romantic I can see her absolutely melting by this confession.
She leans in, "and?"
"I ran away... Like I always do." I want to stop but I can't seem to shake it.
"Why?"
"Because I'm working on myself and Chase needs to work on himself before we can even consider that?" 
Lola shakes her head, "is that why when he asked you if you were ready to be with him you didn't say yes?" 
Huh? How the hell does she know.
"Chase told me about that conversation. I get why you didn't, but..."
She pauses clearly unsure if to proceed, but it's Lola after all she will because she can't help over stepping her boundaries.
"You've worked on yourself Al, you're strong, fierce and brave. You've shown you can be happy with and without him. And Chase," 
I know she's right.
"Chase has stuck in at school, focused on his music. Gets therapy for his anger at life and he's applied for colleges in New York, -" 
My eyes go wide I can see Lola realise she's said something she shouldn't have. 
"Shit, I wasn't supposed to tell you that."
The truth is Chase and I always wanted to attend a college in New York it's always been our plan, but I guess after everything I didn't believe it was still something he was sure of.
"Listen Al, I'm going to give you some advise here," 
She takes both hands in mine before sticking her tongue out at the Liberian shushing her.
"Don't live for a new day. Don't live for tomorrow, a months time or even a years time. Live for today.  Life is too scary, it's too short and it's too unpredictable to do that." 
She takes a deep breath, "what I'm saying is stop putting off going after what you really want because you're scared. One day all you'll do is look back and regret the risks you didn't take and the time you wasted because of fear."
When Lola offered me advise I expected something rude, maybe something that would be overstepping. She's took my breath away with the beauty and power in her speech. 
"You've got to such a good place, don't you want to share that with the person you love?
He's your soul mate babe."
Lola picks up her pom poms and leaves me alone to think about her words. 
She didn't wait for me to respond, I don't think she expected me to say anything back, 
I just know she wanted me to listen and to really think about the meaning behind every word.
And I did just that. 
Without hesitation I grab my leather backpack and throw it over my shoulder. Chase is always running after me, it's my turn. 

I bump into Tate on my way out of School, "skipping last period Benson."
His smile is genuine and I feel grateful we're here with each other now, I don't feel awkward telling him where I'm headed.
"I'm looking for Chase," Tate nods and smiles a knowing smile which leaves me confused.
I know he and I are okay but last I knew he still hats Chase.
"Is this about you running out on his declaration of love." 
Well teenagers do talk. A lot. 
"Go to hell!"
"Hey I'm sorry that must have been a tough thing to do, I know you love him."
I think it took a lot for Tate to say that, so I give him a little back, "yeah it sucked."
"And now you want to make up for it," 
I nod, "I don't want to be rude Tate bu-"
"I get it, go..." He pauses, "I seen him leave about fifteen minuets ago." 
I hug Tate, a gesture to say thank you for helping me in the right direction. 

*******

Chase's POV

The funny thing about watching the girl you love walk away over and over again is the irony that you've done the exact same thing to her too. So why expect any different treatment. Why do I give myself permission to walk away from her, but the second she so much as dare's try to walk away I run further away in rebellion. The night of the party Lola told me that Al is finally in a good place, a healthy place mentally. She's finally learning the true meaning of happiness within according to Lola, self acceptance, the value of inner happiness and that makes me so fuckin proud. I just wish she would have let me be there with her, to watch her kick those demon thoughts in the ass. The night I asked Al if she was ready to let me in again, and be My Al she couldn't say yes. When she couldn't give me the answer I needed to hear I wanted to beat the crap out of someone, something. Anything.
I wanted to go home and smash my house. I wanted the let out every bit of anger I felt.
But I didn't, I couldn't do that to my dad, to Ally, to myself.

Ally running out of our English class hasn't surprised me, but I don't regret telling her we're inevitable because we are. I know it, her mom knows it, but dad does, Lola hell even the tool knows and I know deep down that's exactly how Ally feels too.

I refuse to waste anymore time not being with the girl I love. Sure we are fucked up. I'm dick, Ally is temperamental but we work. In our own twisted way, we make sense and you can never un meet your soul mate and I don't want to. I'm going to do whatever I have to get this girl back and keep her, there's no running from a love as consuming as ours.
My phone lights up with a text from Lola. We don't speak normally, I only have her number I n case of emergency so I'm confused what she could want. I laugh at my stupidity, of course it's to meddle. 
I spoke to Ally, I think I got through to her.... she's looking for you.
Wow... maybe I have a chance to fight for her.