Silence | Book 2

4-3: Change

17th of May, 2012

"Dr. Satou will be right here with you." One of the nurses said with a bow, before gesturing towards the chair in front of the desk. He gave a bow back, clutching a pad of paper tightly to his chest. Dr. Satou had a strict policy against electronic devices in his institution, at least the ones that weren't essential.

The office itself was a bright, large room. Two walls had large, tall windows that lit up the entirety of the space. The rest was covered in bookshelves and simple but elegant art that didn't detract too much. The tones of warm wood, combined with the slightly cluttered but clean space made it feel human and welcoming.

As the door closed behind him, he didn't sit down. Instead he took a few steps towards the bookshelf, and looked over the many volumes they held. A lot of them were in English, and had difficult medical titles. On one of the shelves stood a few diplomas, from both American and European universities, but also some Japanese honours for work in psychology.

One of the books caught his eye; the one he had seen Dr. Satou reference often. It was a large, hefty tome. He put his notepad down on one of the shelves, and took the book out with both hands. Curiously he opened it, and saw a long list noting all the different mental afflictions there existed. He saw several ones that caught his interest, but only two he was most interested in: autism and PTSD. Especially the last one he wanted to know more about.

So he laid the book open on the desk, and flipped to the pages that described what he had. He saw a short, bullet pointed list of symptoms. Many of those he recognised in himself, but none of them answered his questions. So he opened the pages on autism, and read through those. He felt like less of the bullet points matched him: he wasn't very rigid in his behaviours, although he enjoyed some structure and did like arranging things neatly. Sometimes he liked tearing all the structure down as well. But what interested him more was the information on communication, and how it was impaired. Yet once more it didn't tell him what he wanted to know.

The door opened behind him, and he let out a loud, startled noise as he jumped up. For a split second he wanted to run and hide in the corner, as he couldn't keep apart the sound of the door from the memory of his captors entering to hurt him. He kept his eyes shut tightly, and tried to work through the panic knowing that he was safe.

「I am very sorry Hibiki, I should have knocked.」A male voice said calmly behind him. The apology and gentleness both soothed him slightly. He swallowed and nodded, but didn't open his eyes, afraid that he wouldn't be in the office but instead in that room again.

「Take a few deep breaths with me. I promise you are completely safe here.」

Beside him he heard Dr. Satou take heavy, exaggerated breaths, helping him fall in the same pace. He tried his very best, and bit by bit the rhythm and knowledge that he was okay pulled him back from the edge. When he opened his eyes again, he trembled from the relief just seeing the office and Dr. Satou. The man gave him a kind, proud nod, which made him feel like he truly had accomplished something good.

「I see you have found my DSM-V. Although I don't believe it is a very thrilling read – even for an intelligent young man such as yourself.」

Dr. Satou walked around his desk, and sat down in his chair. While he started up one of the few computers in the institution, he gave Hibiki a glance over his glasses, knowing well enough there was a reason.

Hibiki smiled timidly at being called intelligent, but then realised he had left his notepad on the bookshelf. He pointed at it, asking for permission to go get it. Dr. Satou nodded.

For a little while he had to write his answer down, wanting to make sure he explained himself well.

「I want to know why I can't talk. Even when I tried my best, I can't get out more than a single word. I thought I could find some answers in there, if maybe being unable to talk was a symptom of what I have. But it didn't say anything.」