Fake Park Episode 1: Potholes and Gnomes (South Park)

The New Broship

Cartman shoveled a handful of cheesy poofs into his mouth, he was slump back watching the incoherent blob of South Park channels. His eyes lazily glance at the brunette enter the dim living room, his mother was busy inserting a pearl earring, "Okay poopsikins mommy going out," he paid the woman little mind as pluck a cheesy snack from pajama top and into his mouth, he shook the near-empty bowl of cheesy poof, "I need more cheesy poofs," the woman frowned, hooking the glittery red purse from the rack, "Mommy's late. There are some cheesy poofs in the basement," she fled the house with a rushed bye. In her car open the sun visor and a small bag fell on her lap, hungrily she opens the bag dumping the snow-white contains on the plastic interior of her car, "Oh yeah that's good,". Wiping her nose clean in the mirror, she pulls out of the driveway seeing her little poopsikins friends playing in the Marsh's yard.

The overweight boy grumbled all the way to the basement stairs, "Geez... I have to do everything around here!" holding the cold bronze railing he gazed at the beautiful stockpile of cheesy poofs, he had won on a game show. A small smile crept to his lip as the memories of success returned, he was able to get every question correct with his knowledge of his favorite snack food. Even sweeter he was able to make the jew look stupid on national television, he was so sure that Cartman was cheating like he always did. He almost felt bad for the man who wanted the cheesy poofs so bad he killed himself over his loss to a nine-year-old, he grabbed the nearest container and ascended the creaky staircase, "Good times,".

He halted in his tracks in the middle of the kitchen, fury flooded his eyes as he saw his friends playing without him. In his place was Butters, the plastic slapped against the marble, "Those dicks! Butters! Really Butters over me!" his blue eyes narrowed at the jew frolicking gracefully, his ugly daywalker curls slipping out from his shapka. He wanted to scream, he wanted revenge. He tore the kitchen apart. 

He didn't let the thought of being wrong ever cross his mind. They were just being sensitive to Cartman's humor, his period joke was funny. His prank on Ms. Nelson was funny. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny were able to patch things up after taking a break after a disaster of finding a new group. Kyle made such a big of trying to fit in and Stan was crying in showers, weird just weird. They acted like they had a breakup, he almost felt bad for Wendy for having to deal with the mess that was Stan Marsh. Nah... Wendy is a bitch. No one could feel bad for a bitch like her. 

Cartman's new friend group didn't last very long. Leaving him alone after Stan and Kyle got back together and Kenny seemed to have forgotten about him. They seemed happier having Butters as his replacement. 

The fat boy shuffled in the halls of South Park elementary, no one batted an eye at his attempts to get attention. He eventually had given up after the tenth try. Each one had gotten worse and Kyle wasn't there to slap him on the wrist as per usual. Well more like kick his ass. Maybe he had learned to forget Cartman. He should be happy to have his schemes work so perfectly with the jew gone, but he lost heart. It wasn't fun anymore with no one to scold him. He lowers his eyes to the murky floor as he passed the group by their lockers, their laughter subsided seeing the boy. They quickly left, their eager chatter about the latest videogame echoed the near-empty halls as the other students enter their classrooms. He tossed his backpack in his locker as he went at snail's pace to the fourth-grade classroom, upon entering Mr. Garrison glared at him, "Geez... My ex is faster than you. Hurry the fuck up next time," he collapsed in his seat, catching the familiar orange and green clothed boy next to him. Still talking to Stan. He frowned turning towards the window to the gloom of freshly snow-covered South Park, he couldn't wait for summer to come. Even if it didn't last for long in South park he would still enjoy his summer break. A quiet sigh left his lips, he wanted to get away far from this town. Have a new start, new friends. He paused. Friends, he didn't have friends anymore. He sunk deeper in his seat, he raised his hand, "What do you want Eric? The day just started ten minutes ago," he lowered his hand, "Bathroom," Mr. Garrison groan pointing towards the door, he glared, "Just go it's not like you care about Obama causing nine-eleven". He quirked his brow but shrugged it off as he left the room. He kind of forgot Mr. Garrison's teaching style or the lack of it. 

Kyle bumped his elbow into his super best friend who was drinking chocolate milk, Stan coughed glaring at his friend, "What's up?" the ginger's eyes flicked in the direction of the overweight boy who sat down at an empty table, Kyle beamed, "You tell me what's up," Stan frown, his brows furrowing, "Cartman?" the boy nodded, he seemed to be glowing, "Finally he got the memo about not sitting with us," Kenny laughed, his words muffled by his parka earning a laugh from Kyle, "Yeah it was getting sad," the raven slumped, he felt bad for Cartman, "Haven't you notice he has been eating more now," he hinted, the boy glanced at fat boy wolfing down two trays of lunch, "Hmm... Don't see the difference he has always been fat. At least he's not stealing Butters lunch money,". The boy clenched his fists, he knew that isolating Cartman wasn't good, "Come on Kyle. Don't you feel bad for Cartman," the ginger and howled in laughter, pounding his fists against the table, "Ha. Ha. Good one Stan. Me, feel bad for the worst human being on earth," Stan gaze lowered to his untouched mashed potatoes, his plastic spork viced in his fist, "He-he's not the worst. Right? I mean he could be worse," Kyle glared at his friend, his laughter faded.

"You aren't suggesting that we befriend him again. Stan come on we've been so much happier without him," the parka wearing boy teased the pair, Stan threw the pile of tasteless potatoes at him, "Shut up Kenny! It's not like that," the blond ducked, the pile went splat on Butter shirt, "Oh golly! Not again. I'm going to be grounded for the fifth time this week," Stan frowned, the boy sat down beside Kenny trying to scrape the fabric clean with his spork with mild success, "Sorry Butters that was meant for Kenny," the boy gave a cheerful smile, "Well it's okay Stan. I've would've gotten grounded either away," he nodded, the blond grin, "I hear you laughing. What the joke?" Kyle smirked, pointing at Stan with his eating utensil, "Stan feels bad for Cartman," Butter frowned, fiddling with his hands, "Well, he's been awfully lonesome since that mean old prank he pulled on Ms. Nelson," Kyle rolled his eyes, shaking his head, "Come Butters he picked on you the worse. You shouldn't sorry for putting him in his place," Stand gulp, resting a hand on the boy's shoulder, "Come on Kyle it wasn't that bad of a prank," Kyle shook the hand off his shoulder, fury filmed his eyes, "Wasn't that bad! He killed Ms. Nelson!" Butters squeaked, bowing his head, "Well that's a tad hyperbolic. He didn't exactly kill our teacher just embarrassed her in front of the whole class, made her quit, repeated lied to her about vaccines, and delayed her chance of survival," Kyle looked unimpressed, Stan sighed. He wouldn't give up just yet, but he knew he didn't want to strain his relationship worse with his super-best friend.