Fake Park Episode 1: Potholes and Gnomes (South Park)

Saving South Park

Gerald gulped, splashing icy water on passed out Randy, "Aww! Shit, what the fuck Gerald?!" the man stared at his friend, frowning, "We need to save South Park," the slowly sobering raven stood up and looked out the mayor's office window, the women were nowhere in sight trying to concoct an action plan, "Why should I? They are tryin' to make weed illegal again!" Gerald's brows furrowed, holding up a sign, "The campaign posters were tampered with,". Randy's eyes widen, grabbing his friend by the arm, "Come on we need to get to the Geological Survey," Randy avoided the sledgehammer wielding hippies by using the sidewalk instead of the cratered street, they arrive at Randy's former workplace that was vacant, "Uhh... Randy what are we doing here? You don't work here anymore," Randy proceeded to his former office, he began to rummage through the file cabinet, "Randy?" the raven perks his head up to knowledge his friend, finding what he was looking for in the way back. Randy unrolled the blueprint, pointing at the object, "This," Gerald frowns seeing the hippie drill machine, he shakes his head, "No Randy they are people. Not something you treat like that," Randy rips the cream curtains from the covering the window, displaying the hippies destroying the town of South Park, "We have no choice Gerald. We need to remove the hippies or the fate South Park is bleak. and they've been shitting in my mailbox,". Gerald sighs, resting a hand on Randy's shoulder, "Mine too. Mine too."

Randy sat in the hippie core drill machine Gerald in the passenger seat, he drills through the mob of hippies. He frowns at the damaged the hippies caused because of him, he steers towards Town Hall the place that was hit the worse of the assault, "Is it just me or it feels like it wasn't only hippies and weather causing the potholes?" Gerald raises an eyebrow, tilting his head, "What do you mean by that?" Randy points to the sledgehammers, frowning, "The damage is too bad for weather or hippies. The hippies were just using sledgehammers they wouldn't have done this much damage. So there must be something more to this," Gerald leaned about in his comfortable seat watching entrails and blood splatter on the blue-tinted windows, he glances at Randy, "Do you have any idea who caused the damage?" Randy bites his lips, his grip tightens on the steering wheel, "Something not human. I'm telling you, Gerald. It's alive! It's alive!". Gerald sighs, shaking his head, "Relax Randy they're just potholes," a pothole opens up into gaping jaws, a kid riding their bike is snatched by tentacles from the cavity. The boy screeched as serrated edges crunching into his sides, popping him like a ripe tomato. Disappearing into the ground the pothole seals shut once more. Gerald frowns, shaking his head at the sight, "It's just a coincidence," the same thing happens again. 

Kyle whacked a hippie with a jagged tree branch, the hippie whined rubbing his sore face, "Dude, what the fuck?!" Cartman glanced behind the ginger, a hippie ready to pounce, "Klah duck!" he aimed the nozzle of hairspray at the hippies attacking Kyle, the flame of his lighter bursted to life at the gas. The hippies screeched being burned by the makeshift flamethrower, when they stopped moving their eyes meet for a second before returning to the fighting, "Thanks,". Foot by foot they made it through the hippies, they soon were to exhaust to continue. They hid behind City Wok heaving, their back pressed to the gray brick, "Damnit Cartman. We'll never make it to Town Hall on foot," the overweight boy nodded, staring at the fallen snow, "The street aren't to destroyed yet. Maybe we could find a car or something," the ginger stood abruptly pulling Cartman to his feet, their break didn't last long when hippies struck again. Back to back the boys fought burning and stabbing their attackers with broken glass, the hippies mob swallowed them. The boy shielded each other's heads as they embraced, the hippies stomped on the ball, striking the boys backs and sides with their socks and sandals. Then a clang halted their assault, looking up on the resting hill roof of the Chinese restaurant, "Hey you damn hippies pick on someone your own size," the Chinese man wearing a strainer on his head called, in his hands a wok and ladel, "Get him!" a hippie called, they clawed at the sides of the restaurant. The hippie dispersed from the boys to attack the man, the boy uncurled from each other their noses wrinkled in disgust, "We never speak of this Jew," the ginger nodded, the man batted the hippies hands away seeing the boys he helped them on the roof, all around them their was an ocean of hippies. The boys stood close together their eyes wide at the amount of hippies, the man scowled, "Alright boys grab some peanut oil!" they spritz the oil on the mob, Cartman dropped his lighter towards the ground. Instantly the mob were being charred inferno, the heat lick their faces as they stumble back, "What are we going to do now?" the roof began to collapse the restuarant's owner fell through a gaping hole, gripping on to the edges, "I don't have much time. Go now before its too late!" the boy gasped as the Chinese man was pull down inside the restaurant by hippies, Kyle screamed reaching for the man who saved their lives, Cartman pulled the ginger away from the hole, "Klah stop it this is our chance to escape!".