More than just cake - Lawliet x OC -

Cells

I was 10 years old, when my Grandmother died. I loved her dearly, and when we visited her home the last time after her death, I took a pillow that had her smell in it. I would hug that pillow at nights, and cry, and inhale her scent that was stuck in it. I thought it would be with me forever, and when I inhaled it, it felt like Grandma was with me too. Of course, the smell faded over the years. Now it is just a pillow and Grandma has been dead for almost 30 years (I can't believe it!). That's just something I thought about when I wrote this chapter. About the smells that make our hearts swell, and how we lose them and how when they are gone we cannot reach them again. They are gone forever.

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November 5th, 2004

Fay kept thinking about a random piece of information, she had grabbed from a biology class in Wammy's house, a thousand years ago. That when a person dies, not all their cells die simultaneously. Brain cells of course die very fast, within minutes, when the flow of oxygen is cut off - and with them goes the personality, the soul if you would call it that (and Fay would). But some parts of the human body can live a lot longer after death, depending on their type and position. Skin cells live the longest - they can survive days, by absorbing oxygen from the air through osmosis.

It kept haunting Fay. The thought of L's skin still being alive. Those cells - weren't they a part of him? Weren't they as much a part of him as his heart, his brain, his soul?

When she had brushed his lips with hers for the last time, had his lips still been alive?

Fay filled her glass with wine and gulped it down. Her stomach was empty and the wine went to her head almost immediately. Adding to the effect of the four - or five? benzos she had already taken. She couldn't remember if it had been four or five, and it kept troubling her.

Was it 60mg or 75mg you took?

You probably shouldn't be drinking this wine right now.

Whatever, she decided, taking another sip. No matter the exact amount, it still had been a dose a lot higher than the 15mg she usually had, and she could definitely feel it - with or without the wine.

Funny how her hands had stopped shaking. How the tension of her muscles melted away, as she little by little began to feel drowsy.

She knew she was heartbroken, grief stricken, devastated - but she couldn't quite reach the depth of that feeling right now. She could think about L, about his skin cells still being alive, almost as if she was watching a movie, like this wasn't really happening to her but to someone else.

Of course, that wouldn't last forever. Fay was well aware that the grief would hit her like a truck as soon as the effect of the drugs wore out.

But for now, this was okay.

If something, it had been a lot easier to talk with Yagami-san like this, when she wasn't drowning in her feelings.

"I am going back home." she had said, when the old man had arrived to her rooms soon after her phone call. "I booked the tickets for the night flight to Paris."

He hadn't seemed surprised, if something he had looked sad, and very tired.

"I understand." he had replied. "We will miss you being around, but--"

"--but you know it as well as I do, Yagami-san. That I was never here for the Kira case. I was only here for Ryuzaki, and now that he's... gone--" a short pause, to be able to continue. "Now... there is nothing for me here anymore."