More than just cake - Lawliet x OC -

Hero

The end is nearing! Only two chapters after this one. If you haven't voted so far - please do now. It would mean the world to me. And all the comments are more than appreciated.

This chapter is about Matsuda. Him shooting Light was the single most amazing moment in the Manga - the character development that lead to that moment was just mind blowing. I can't help but to think how it must've been for him, to live with that guilt, that pain. 

Also - this is the last chapter with smut in this fic! We've had plenty, and now it's done. 

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January 28th, 2010

All his life, Matsuda had had to listen to others call him an idiot.

In school he had always been the class clown - mainly unintentionally. And the teachers, oh man, there had not been a day without some of them ordering him to the shame corner, or worse. His fingers still remembered the slaps the teachers had given them with their sharp, wooden rulers.

"Mr. Matsuda, get serious!" the teachers had raged "What are you? An idiot?"

Well, school was bad for most people. But really, he had thought it would get easier as he grew up - no such luck, though. Even in the task force, he had always been the one others never took seriously, the one everyone treated like a kid.

The idiot.

He'd been called that so many times, that sometimes it felt like his middle name. But in his heart, in his ever optimistic nature, he had never truly believed he was stupid.

Not before this day.

Not before he had been forced to swallow the bitter truth, that the man he had held in the highest regard, the man he had thought was his best friend - was actually Kira.

Idiot.

Idiot! You stupid, stupid, stupid ass!

He was sitting in the armchair of his small, one room apartment. He couldn't really remember how he had gotten there, but it involved Fay taking his hand and walking him out of the warehouse - and then a car, probably a Taxi.

But he didn't care, not really.

He didn't care about anything, except for the fact that he was so stupid he deserved to die. And the fact, that he had aimed the gun at his best friend, and--

No, no, no, no, no, don't think about that!

Too late. The memory was back on him instantly, and he winced, feeling the bullets pierce his own chest. The pain was excruciating, it crushed his lungs so that he could hardly breathe.

The sound of the gunshot that ripped his ears, the recoil of his pistol - a sharp kick on his hands and arms. The cry that left his throat, unwanted, unplanned - the primitive, raw sound that hurt all the way out.

Light fell backwards to the floor. Blood burst from his wounds, blood on the floor, on Light's face, on his clothes... and on Matsuda's hands.

He knew his hands would never be clean again. Not ever. No matter how many times he washed them, they still would be soaked in sticky, warm blood.

"Drink this."

Fay's voice made Matsuda startle. He looked up, just to see her standing in front of him, offering him a glass with some transparent liquid.

"No, thanks... I'm not thirsty."

Fay rolled her eyes.

"It's not for thirst. Just drink it." she paused for a second. "Believe me, I've been where you are."