More than just cake - Lawliet x OC -

Leo

August 1st, 2005

Lily is born on a hot August night, under the sign of Leo.

Fay is sure that is a good omen. Aren't lions strong and fierce and unchained? She knows Lily will have a life that is full of possibilities, full of love and happiness - unlike her own.

She will never let anyone tell Lily what she can or cannot do. She will not try to mold her into something she isn't. Watching her newborn daughter's delicate features, Fay promises - she will let Lily find her own path, wherever it will take her - and Fay is sure it will be full of wonder, stars and passion.

How is it possible to be this happy, and this sad at the same time?

It feels like my heart is breaking.

Fay lays on her hospital bed, Lily in her arms. She's so tiny, like a doll, her fingers aren't much thicker than matches. Her cheeks are rosy, and her wise, deep, dark blue eyes are closed. Fay has never heard anything as beautiful as the sound of her daughter's peaceful breathing. It sounds like a little hedgehog, snuffing and snoring.

Lily's hair is black and there is so much of it. She looks like L, the black strands of her silky hair bending to every direction. The nurse says almost every newborn has dark hair, and that it usually changes - but Fay doesn't want to believe it. She knows Lily's hair is really black, just like L's was. That she will always look like him, not just today.

She feels weary, every inch of her body aches.

Fay knows now that being shot, or falling off a horse had taught her nothing of pain or fear. She knows now that giving a life to another person hurts like nothing else, it feels like dying.

Doing it alone, without anyone to hold her hand, is even worse

But she has done it.

I did it for you. Lawliet, I did it for you.

That thought brings tears to her eyes, but she is emotional as it is. Damn hormones. The tears fall to her cheeks, and she wipes them off before they fall to Lily's face too. She might be a new mother, but she has already learnt that one doesn't wake up a sleeping baby.

You have to stop crying all the time. Or do you want Lily to have a mom who can't keep her shit together?

And suddenly she feels the enormous weight of being a single parent, the overwhelming fear and responsibility of it. What if she can't do it? What if she ruins Lily's life?

"I can't do this without you." she breathes, the tears making her voice thick. "Lawliet, I need you."

"You will do better without me." a silent voice answers from the shadows. "Seriously, Fay. I would have been a terrible father."

Fay blinks a few times.

A dream. Again. She knows this, but again she is unable to wake up. That's how these dreams always work. They feel real, his presence feels real, but in the end she is still alone.

That's the reality. Loneliness.

But she looks up from Lily, to L who is standing in the corner, his thumb on his lips, looking so very pale that it breaks her heart.

"And I will be a terrible mother, no doubt." she sighs. "What do I know about kids?"

"You were one." he replies. "And you remember your own mother, who loved you. I know you will do just fine."

L walks closer to her bed, and tilts his head, taking a closer look at the newborn sleeping in Fay's arms. He is silent for some time, that feels like an eternity. Fay has no idea what's going through his mind.

"I didn't know babies were this small." he finally says.

"Yeah..." she replies. "She's tiny. But Isn't she beautiful?"

"Yes. Surprisingly so, she is."

"She looks like you."

"Ah. And I hoped she'd take after you."

"Maybe she'll inherit my charming personality."

L gives a small smile. One of those, that Fay loves so much. She would give anything to see it again, for real, not just in one of these twisted dreams that her subconscious keeps sending her.

"We can only hope." he says, and takes a seat on the bed. "And your sense of humour as well."

"Lawliet, I--" she begins, but just then She hears There's someone at the door. The nurse no doubt, to see how they are doing, if the baby has been feeding. She turns her eyes from L, towards the door.

"So, how are things?" the smiling nurse steps inside, holding a tray. "Little princess asleep?"

Fay blinks.

L is gone, but she can still feel his warmth on the bed, see the crumpled sheet where he just sat.

The nurse keeps talking, but she hears nothing, her ears are ringing and suddenly it hits her. She is awake. This is not a dream.

"Aren't you pale, sweetie!" The nurse notices. "Is everything alright?"

Yeah, everything's fine, except that I'm losing my mind!

Everything's frickin perfect.

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Ah, finally we get to these chapters with Lily! I loved writing these, I love it that Fay had L's baby! I hope you like this turn of events too. I am a mom myself, and my kids are the best thing that has ever happened to me, so I wanted to give that to Fay too. Children are a blessing.

Just a reminder to vote and comment! It only takes a second of your time but means the world to me, loves.