More than just cake - Lawliet x OC -

Shell

I don't know why I always want to write about death. Love and death - that's all. Maybe it's because those are the two things I know. 

Sigh. 

Hey, if you love L (like I do), please do not despair. I promise this isn't the last we hear of him. <3 Keep reading, I beg - and I would literally give my right arm for a comment. So yeah, vote and comment, will you?

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November 5th, 2004

It was safe under the table.

A ceiling over her head, shadows and soft darkness surrounding her, wrapping around her shivering body like a blanket.

She kept staring at the koala.

It was smiling, carrying the baby koala on her back, the dark eyes of both mother and the baby staring back at Fay. Chocolate filling, the pack said. She didn't even like chocolate that much.

The floor was cold, but she didn't feel it.

It was like she wasn't really here. She wasn't in this room, not as long as she stayed under the table, kept her eyes in the koala, and not in--

No. No. No. No. No.

She hugged her knees tighter, her tense muscles trembling.

Koala. Keep your eyes in the koala.

But no matter how much she tried to escape, the reality kept slipping back into her shattered mind. And with it, came the pain.

It was like she had been shot.

Like her ribs were all broken. Like her heart was ripped out of her chest, her lungs torn to shreds.

It was so overwhelming, that she couldn't even cry. The tears were blood in her throat, acid on her lips, burning behind her eyes, but they refused to run free.

It had been 45 minutes now, and Fay knew it was over.

She had known it far before the paramedics had finally given up and stopped doing CPR.

She had known it, when L had fallen to the floor, and she had been by his side just in time to see how his eyes closed. Just in time to feel how life left him, the last breath escaped his lips.

Fay's hands were shaking, her muscles ached.

A silence lingered in the room. It was sticky like glue, heavy like lead, making air hard to breath. From the corner of her eyes Fay saw how the paramedics gathered their things, like there was nothing out of order, like it was all just something they had seen a thousand times before. As if they had not noticed the world had just ended.

She could not stare at the koala anymore.

When the men in their white uniforms stood up, what lay on the floor, was revealed to her eyes, and it was like a gunshot through her heart.

He looked as if he was just sleeping, his lips slightly parted, his eyes closed. A desperate piece of Fay's heart still hoped that this was nothing but a misunderstanding, a plot to trick Kira into believing L was dead even if he really wasn't. That he was just faking, and that in a heartbeat he would sit up, and give her a smile, telling her she was silly to have fallen for this play.

But she knew it wasn't so.

She had seen the life go out of him, like a candle blown out, like a leaf that fell from the tree before winter.

His name had been written in the book, and there was not undoing it.

Slowly Fay forced herself to move, to crawl out from under the desk. Her limbs were weak. It felt like her body wasn't hers, like it wasn't air she was breathing, but tar.

She didn't even look at anyone in the room, as she made her way to L's side, knelt on the cold, hard floor, laid her hand on his shoulder.

"Sweetie." she breathed. "Please, please, don't leave me."

No answer.

His face was so pale, even whiter than before, the dark circles under his eyes almost blue.

"Please..." her voice broke down, she couldn't finish the sentence.

Someone knelt by her side, Fay felt a hand on her shoulder. She didn't look up, but she recognised Chief Yagami's voice as he spoke up.

"Fay, I am so sorry, but... but it is over. There is nothing we can do for him anymore. They must take him away now."

Take him away?

"No." she gasped. "No, I will not allow it."

She bent down, a shaky breath leaving her lungs, as she leaned over L. Her hands were gripping on his shoulders, her fingers digging into his shirt. He was still warm, as if he was really just sleeping. She needed him, she needed for him to wake up and wrap his arms around her, needed for him to be alive.

Couldn't they understand that?

Couldn't they see?!

"Fay, they have to do it, you understand that, don't you?"

But Fay heard Chief Yagami's voice as if it was nothing but the ringing of her ears. She tasted tears in her burning throat, blood on her lips, the metallic taste of fear and despair and death.

"You can't take him away from me."

Now you're being stupid, Fay. Irrational.

That was L's voice.

It is not me anymore. That is nothing but a lump of meat, only an empty shell. You must let go, Fay.

But how could she?

She loved that 'shell'. She loved every inch of his body, every dark strand of his hair, she loved those long, delicate fingers, the sharp line of his jaw, his dark lashes, his ivory skin.

How could she let go?

Fay felt Chief Yagami's hand on her shoulder, but she shook it off.

She leaned closer to L, her hair surrounding their faces, as so many times before when she had leaned in to kiss him. Her lips brushed his, those beautiful lips she loved so much. She tasted him, the coffee and sugar on his lips, his scent of vanilla and cotton filled her nostrils, and made her heart ache.

But his chest under her palm was still.

No breath left his lips to hers.

"Wait for me." she whispered. "Wait for me. I am coming."