In Texan arms: Fairy Dust Series

Chapter 15: The First Love

"You are packing up?" Dan stood leaning his elbows on Jac's side desk, a menacing look on his face. "I'm guessing you've come to terms with yourself."

Jac folded up his jeans without so much as even looking up at his friend. After all the thinking and trying to convince himself that this was right, he didn't need any negativity. So he kept quiet and willed himself to continue packing.

"So what? You're not talking to me anymore?" Dan picked up Jac's sweater and started lazily folding it. "Just face it, Jac. You are gay."

Jac wanted to protest, tell Dan thousand reasons why he was not. One very important reason was how he had married a woman and slept with her number of times but suddenly the image of him and Josh in the shower blocked all words from his lips. How can he claim heterosexuality when not so many hours ago he had a dick between his lips?

"Maybe I am, Dan it doesn't matter. Truth is, I'm alone and everyone is leaving in a few months but I'm stuck here with no one. I need to live anyway I want."

"I'm not judging dude. I've always known you were gay."

"What the hell are you on about now?"

"You were happier about the divorce than you were on your wedding day. Don't act surprised."

"Anyone who knows Norris would know why that is." Jac said confidently trying to zip up his bag. "I'm shocked you were surprised. That doesn't even prove anything."

"What about Mat?"

Matio Velasquez was an old friend of Jac and Dan's non-identical twin brother. The three were inseparable as kids, always causing chaos. Jac was tamer, and would often be on the look out and getting entertained by his friends' mischief. He would often sit back and watch them skinny dipping, or rock climbing or t.ping everyone's tree every Halloween in their neighborhood.

He watched drunk Mat run butt naked towards the cold ocean's water at 11pm, one night after a wild party. Falling off as his boxers kept hugging his ankles and tripping him as he kept breaking into fits of laughter.

He watched Mat climb Mrs Meyer's tree (a bitter American woman who hated all her latina neighbors) because as he put it 'A perfect t.p job is worth a climb.'

He would watch Mat crazily drive his dad's old Mustang that he stole. Jac sat beside him drinking the cheap beer they just stole from Jac's dad.

That was it. Crazy, drunk kids doing crazy things. Laughing like Mat so freely did despite his depression. Smiling and flashing those dimples every chance he got. Speaking so loud that anyone within a five mile radius was sure to hear and always smart with his words.

"What about him?"

"Ohh come on, Jac." Dan let out a frustrated growl as he moved towards his friend. "The way you looked at him, the way you looked out for him... When he got a cold from diving into freezing water after your insane birthday party, you literally nursed him back life."

Nursed him back to life. Jac scoffed as he put his shoes on.

"We agreed never to talk about him again."

"It's been over 10 years, and you still can't say his name." Dan's always calm voice turned almost bitter. "He was my brother, Jac."

Just like the Mat conversation always ended with a fight or outburst, Dan was right on cue. Lucky for Jac, they heard a car park outside.

"I'm sorry to leave all this fun, but my ride is here. See you at work tomorrow, Dan."

"He was gay." Dan said as Jac reached for the door, stopping him in action. "He was gay, and he was in love with you. That's why he ran away. Because our father found out and threw him out."

Jac looked back at his friend with his heart on the floor. He could feel it beating rapidly as it dropped further. It has been years since he had allowed himself to think about Matio. Simply because the emptiness he had felt when Mat disappeared was way too deep and confusing.

He had not known then what his feelings for that little trouble maker were those years back. He had told himself he was mad Mat left without so much as a goodbye especially because outside Dan, Mat was the only person he was that close with.

"And all these years you never told me?" Jac hated how sad his voice sounded. He hated how fast his tears welled up. He hated the sudden realization that he too had been in love with Matio and just never noticed. He hated that now he knew for sure that he was gay. Not bisexual, just plainly gay.

"What did it matter? Weeks later you married Norris and Mat begged me never to tell you before he left."

" I don't have time for this, I have to go."

"I'm sorry I never told you."

With that Jac left the room without another word.

The car ride with Josh was quiet. Jac stared out the window as Josh drove them. He kept his hands on his lap and hummed a song in his head.

"Are going to tell me what is bothering you?" Josh asked softly.

Jac turned to him slowly and studied him. His eyelashes looked way too long, causing shadows for his eyes. His hair was combed flawlessly and his suit was impeccable. Josh was no Matio, but he was just as handsome and as carefree as Mat had been.

Jac hated how suddenly Matio had resurfaced from something he had buried to a ghost in his mind.

"I am gay."

"Congratulations, you are the last to know." Josh chuckled but realized Jac was still in a very fowl mood. "Okay, and?"

"It's not a big deal, just things from my past circled today. I just have to push them down again."

"You can tell me and I might help."

"No, thank you."

As Josh parked his car infront of the house, Jac climbed out, only to be met by a man sitting on the staircase, looking almost miserable.

"Go ahead inside, I'll have Larry bring this up for you. Jen will show you to your room, take a shower and wait up for me. This won't take long."

Jac went passed the man who stood abruptly and looked past him to Josh. He recognized him from the bar as one other submissive. He greeted him politely and got into the house, trying his best to swallow his jealousy and curiosity.