Saving Isadore [MxM] (An Alpha's Fight Book 1)

Chapter 4

ISADORE ¤ POV

Later that night...

Tarlo was giggling as he ran over and sat next to me on the porch swing. I wanted to launch to my feet and stumble away from him, feeling nauseated at the sight of his deformed head and the blood that seemed to constantly cascade down his face like a thick, red waterfall. But my limbs were frozen where I sat on the swaying wooden bench.

Each creak of the swing, each high pitched giggle he let out felt like someone was scraping nails along the skin of my back. Tarlo stared at me with his dark eyes, his much smaller, five year old body shuffling closer. My stomach lurched. "You wanna join me, here?"

I didn't understand the question, not knowing where 'here' was. The swing seemed to be in the middle of a grassy field that stretched for miles in every direction and we were looking out at the sun setting over the horizon. The sky was a mixture of reds, oranges and pinks. It was warm and pretty and I felt myself relax just a tad as I stared.

Tarlo giggled again, shaking his head and I flinched when a splatter of blood splashed against my cheek. My stomach lurched again and I gagged, willing my frozen body to move so I could reach up and wipe the blood away. It felt like it was burning my skin.

"You can't join me here, Isa. This is for good wolfies, this place. Are you a good wolf? I don't think so," he sang cheerfully, edging closer until we were nose to nose and I could smell the metallic blood, feel his breath on my face. My little brother grinned menacingly, blood seeping into his open mouth. "You're a bad wolf, 'cause you killed me!"

He began to kick his legs, flopping back on the bench, causing it to shake as he let out a barking laugh. My heart was pounding hard in my chest, the horror making my whole body feel freezing, the heat from the sun seeping away. "Nana's coming soon, I can feel it. She's coming to play with me! You can't! You have to go somewhere else, for bad wolfies!"

I knew what he was saying, it was only expected that I would be condemned for my sins even after I died, that I would never escape pain or suffering wherever I was. The realisation that even death wouldn't be my salvation, that I'd still be subjected to loneliness after I took my own life was a blow so low that I could physically feel myself breaking apart on the inside.

I began to cry, tears rolling down my cheeks as the coldness continued to ice over me. Tarlo sat up, scrambling forward. His little fingers wiped my tears away and he pouted in mock irritation. "Crying. Crying. Crying. Always crying."

I'm sorry. Forgive me. Let me stay with you and Nana. Please, I beg you.

Tarlo shook his head, his blood painting my vision red. I saw the way his deformed head wobbled and once again felt the bile rise up my throat, choking me until I was suffocating. I couldn't breathe, couldn't speak, couldn't think.

"No forgive, no forgive," my little brother denied me, before pointing out in front of us. The sunset had disappeared and we were back in our shared bedroom, watching from the corner of the room. I saw eight year old me bludgeoning Tarlo's head in with my fists until he slumped underneath me. It was the final push that tipped me over the edge of hysteria.

I woke up with a loud scream, shooting upright, unable to breathe because of the panic and the sick that spewed from my mouth, all over my comforter. My stomach heaved, my nose burned and my chest constricted. I choked on my own vomit, spiralling into a panic the longer I struggled to draw in a breath of air. Sweat poured from my pores and my whole body quaked as sobbed.

The bedroom door flew open, the light above my head flickering as Nana appeared in her nightgown, looking horrified when the sleep cleared from her eyes and she finally got a good look at me. "Isadore! Breathe! Calm down!" She quickly struggled over to me, sitting beside me on the bed, holding my hair back for me while I gagged and quivered. I tried to warn her, wailing as I attempted to push her away. I could feel a seizure coming, the tightening in my muscles, the tingles in my hands and face. My brain began to fog up and malfunction. All awareness left me but my last thought was that I prayed I wouldn't hurt her.

The next time I woke up, I was staring up at a white ceiling, my nose and mouth covered in a plastic mask. I wasn't cold nor warm but my arms and legs ached as though I'd run a marathon and my throat was so dry, it felt like sandpaper. My tongue was heavy and my head was pounding. I was confused, so confused, unable to make sense of anything as I blinked in confusion. I could hear someone sniffling beside me, but I didn't immediately recognise the voice. Everything was still muddled.

"Katherine, please, he needs someone. God, there's three of you and you're telling me that neither you, Alu or Maverick are free for just a few weeks to be by his side? He's struggling Katherine, your son is sinking so hard and fast that I'm worried he'll die before I do at this point!"

Katherine? Isn't that my mum's name? Maybe... I wasn't so sure. It sounded vaguely familiar but it hurt my head to search through memories. I was sure that the person who was speaking was Nana but I didn't know where we were. I just wanted to sleep.

"I sat on his bed and watched him choke on his own vomit while he had a seizure, Katherine! My grandbaby almost died in my arms and you're going to sit there and tell me you can't do this one thing for him! He's your child! What happened to Tarlo is in the past, yes it was a heartbreaking tragedy and I'm not saying your pain is insignificant, but it's well past time for all of you to move on! Isadore suffered enough! At this point, you're not going to have one, but two dead pups and then what?!"

There was a pause and I finally registered the slow beep of a machine, the breeze of an air conditioner and the squeak of a plastic chair to my right. This was a hospital room, at least that's what it sounded like. It smelled... like medicine and stale air and faint vomit. Home sickness hit me at once. I hated hospitals.

"I'm so disappointed in you. You all are going to have me sent to my grave with a broken heart. Unbelievable. You gave up on Isadore and you missed him growing up into a wonderful man. He really doesn't deserve what you've put him through and even now, you're going to abandon him when he needs you the most? Selfish, so selfish." There was a sniffle and I desperately wanted to reach out and grasp Nana's hand. She was sad. I didn't want Nana to be sad.

"Give me your final answer. Will you finally decide to be there for your baby, will you finally repair the past ten years of pain you've caused him through your neglect? Or will you continue to be a coward and pretend he doesn't exist? If your answer is the latter then I tell you this now, you do not deserve the title of a 'mother' and I will die knowing that I cannot claim you as my 'daughter'."

There was another pause before I heard Nana sigh. Her cool, wrinkled fingers curled around my clammy ones and squeezed, making me feel settled in seconds. I didn't want her to let go. Perhaps we could even go home now.

"Thank you. I'll prepare the spare room for your arrival. Alright... bye."

The chair scraped back and suddenly, Nana's face came into view. The pale, wrinkled skin of her face, her puffy red eyes, her disheveled curls. She was wearing a white nightgown and I wondered what time it was.

Nana leaned in and kissed my forehead, patting my cheek. "Those bastards," she mumbled. "They don't know the love they're missing out on when it comes to you. Rest, Isadore. I'll be back alright, I need to go home and get you some clothes and such. I also need to get dressed, I'm not wearing a bra under my nightie and the doctors are getting a good look at my girls."

She smiled, squeezing my hand. "Sit tight, I love you." Then she pulled away and disappeared. I felt a pang of panic in my chest but it simply faded away, my mind and body still too out of it for the panic to fester into anything more sinister. Instead, I closed my eyes and felt myself drift off into thankfully peaceful sleep.

Just calm blackness. 

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