Saving Isadore [MxM] (An Alpha's Fight Book 1)

Chapter 7

ISADORE ▪︎ POV

"Isadore?"

I turned around, trying to smile at Nana, but she only had to take one look at my trembling fingers and the way I clutched the tea towel in my hand pathetically close to my chest, to know that the smile was simply fake. She sighed, waddling closer to me and placing her frail hand over mine. "How are you feeling?"

"Overwhelmed," I sighed, my shoulders hunched. I was exhausted and it most definitely wasn't because I hadn't slept at all last night. No, my mind was exhausted, my spiralling emotions making my body feel heavy and sluggish. I was still floating through a space of denial, not quite understanding why things were changing now.

I hadn't really had a chance to talk to Maverick and dad about what had happened after I moved to England, why they didn't at least contact me and why they suddenly had a change of heart. It still bothered me to think about what would've happened if Nana hadn't reached out first. Would they still have kept their distance? Was this simply because Nana was dying and they were here to pick up the burden she would leave behind because they morally owed it to her? Why now... why?

"Breathe," Nana reminded me and I sucked in a lungful of air, steadying myself. We had sat through an awkward dinner and I'd mostly kept my attention glued to the chicken pie on my plate, feeling much too intimidated and uncomfortable to talk. Nana had grilled dad about his work and what he and mum were doing now, back in the states.

Dad had been reserved as he answered, as though he didn't particularly feel comfortable conversing with his mother-in-law after so long either, however he still spoke and revealed that he was still a high school teacher and mum was still a florist. His admission had this pained ache forming in my heart, since I remembered my mother returning from work each day with a new bouquet of flowers. Before I killed Tarlo, she would sit me in her lap and let me help arrange the stems in her extravagant vases while she told me the names of each beautiful flower.

Similarly, dad would dedicate his time to helping me with my homework and school projects. I remembered watching in awe as he guided me through creating my 3D star constellation for science one year. I'd thought he was something akin to a superhero. We'd had so much fun sticking, drawing, painting and eating snacks that I'd remembered thinking I loved going to school if it meant I could spend time learning with my dad. The memories had me holding back tears as I'd pushed my food around my plate with my fork.

Of course, it had been my fault alone that those precious moments with my parents had ended. There was no excusing the fact that I'd ended my five year old little brother's life before he could make such memories with our parents himself. But thinking back to a time when they loved me unconditionally and comparing it to the eight years of silence I'd been subjected to, made me feel lost and grief I thought I'd gotten over during our time apart threatened to drown me right there in my seat.

Now, dad and Maverick were readying themselves for an early night in bed, the jet lag and time difference catching up to them. Nana had also hinted at going for a lie down, her sickly body exhausted too. I had been washing up the dishes, lost in thought when she'd approached. I should be going to bed myself, but just thinking about having to be back in school tomorrow was making my stomach turn. I hadn't been in two weeks and I'd have to face Landon after the incident a fortnight ago, Aaron's rejection last week and my classmates. I was dreading it and had been considering convincing Nana to let me stay at home but when I considered being around dad and Maverick for that long, I hesitated.

"I'm okay Nana, it's just taking my brain a while to catch up with everything, that's all. I might go for a run before bed like you keep suggesting," I told her and she nodded with a small smile. Nana was about to turn away, but she paused as though remembering something. I watched her reach into her cardigan pocket and pull out a folded slip of paper.