Saving Isadore [MxM] (An Alpha's Fight Book 1)

Chapter 20

AARON ▪︎ POV 

I couldn’t deny that it hurt like hell when Isadore pulled his hand out of my grasp. He seemed to curl in on himself even tighter, appearing smaller than his six foot frame in the corner of the bench. He covered his ears and closed his eyes as though he could block out me and the rest of the world. 

My heart was pounding in my chest and the hurt turned to pain when he shook his head, his rocking intensifying. “W-Why are you doing this to me? Why do you keep doing this?” He cried. “I can’t do this, not right now.” 

“Do what, Isadore?” I asked, my voice small as I watched him. I drew my feet up, mimicking his position with my knees to my chest, and turned my head as I lay my cheek on top of them, facing him. “What am I doing?” 

“Nothing will ever happen between us, stop liking me, Isadore. I’m sorry for hurting you the way I did, let’s start by being friends. I’m leaving one dangerous monster and falling right into the arms of another - I thought you were different, how can I trust you? You’re my honey, Isadore. You’re a monster, Isadore. Let’s run together, Isadore.” 

I flinched, hearing him recite the words I’d once said to him back at my face. When he spoke them outloud, into the darkness, I could hear how indecisive and selfish I’d been. He’d asked me to be careful with him and instead, I’d hurt him with my words and actions, wanting him close, yet pushing him away. I thought I’d been protecting myself, but really, I’d been breaking him in the process and the guilt that sucker punched me in the stomach made me feel nauseous. Especially when he stopped covering his ears and began yanking at his hair instead. 

“You didn’t speak to me for a month,” he sobbed. “I told you something I’ve n-never told anybody, and I was terrified that you would hate me but I hoped that maybe you’d realise that I’m different now. I’ve never hurt you, I’ve never h-hurt anyone after Tarlo, not Landon when he pushed me down the stairs, or when he hit me. Not Nelson when he pulled my hair and said he would fuck me. I didn’t do any of it!” 

My eyes widened and I sat up straighter, my mind reeling, as I struggled to keep up with his words. They were coming out in short, breathy pants and slurred with his tears. Tarlo… his younger brother. Landon bullying him and the rumours that he wouldn’t fight back. Nelson… wanted to fuck him?! What?!

“Isadore-”

“No!” He wailed. “Nana is dying!” His accusatory yell, made me flinch back as he suddenly turned glistening, burning hazel coloured eyes on me. The gold seemed to swirl with the green and tears dripped down his face in heartbroken streaks. There, under the street lamps, he looked equally magnificent and equally terrifying. “Not now, I can’t do it again. Don’t hurt me again!” 

For a moment, I was too stunned to speak and I sat there staring at him with my heart pounding in my ears, my eyes wide. I’d never seen him like this, not so passionate and determined before. It was different from watching him cry and cower, but I wasn’t exactly thrilled when his determination showed just how desperately he wanted to protect himself from me. 

I knew that with Isadore, his home life outside of school must have been emotionally draining, even if I didn’t know exactly what he went home to. No person with a perfect life would ever have a temperament like Isadore; from his inability to socialise easily with others, to his panic attacks and seizures. Hearing that he’d killed his baby brother, was somewhat bullied at school, had a nana who was dying and was being pushed away by me on top of all of it, made me see him in a totally different light. He was suffering, going through much more than I could ever understand - then I’d given him the chance to explain.