Saving Isadore [MxM] (An Alpha's Fight Book 1)

Chapter 6

ISADORE ¤ POV

Nana's record player was churning out nineteen-sixties Motown hits, the rhythmic instrumentals bouncing around the walls of the living room and I could hear her softly singing along from inside the kitchen. I was distracted as I cleaned the coffee table, using a cloth and some disinfectant spray to clean the surface. I dusted off Nana's magazines and my books before stacking them neatly.

My hands were trembling as I worked and my heart felt as though it was slowly rising up my throat. I knew I was going to cry at some point, the uncomfortable swelling in my throat and the stinging in my eyes was a dead give away, but I was determined to hold it back, focusing on cleaning and tidying the house ready for tomorrow.

Ever since I left the hospital and Nana revealed that Maverick and my father were visiting from America on Sunday, I had been a mess of nerves, feeling jittery and anxious even more than usual. It was now Saturday and I could feel the anxiety of tomorrow looming over me. It was going to be a reunion after eight years and I had no idea what to expect which was the most terrifying ordeal for me. I wasn't prepared to see my family, not after they abandoned me, not after knowing the inner hostility they held towards me after I killed Tarlo.

Would things remain the same? Would my father still look at me with those pained, indifferent eyes? Would I still see the exhaustion and anger in his face whenever he glanced in my direction? Would Maverick still keep his distance and remain awkward with me, as though we were distant school classmates rather than brothers? Would he still cry in distress every time I was around? I didn't even have to remain speculative about my mother's feelings. Katherine had sent Maverick and Alu, but she herself couldn't find it in her to visit me. That said everything I needed to know.

Part of me was frustrated with Nana for making that phone call on my behalf. I was hurt and unprepared and the selfish part of me turned a blind eye, convinced that everything was okay, that Nana and I were doing great on our own, that we didn't need anyone else. But of course that wasn't the case and the more realistic, brutal voice inside reminded me that my last trip to the hospital had caused Nana a lot of distress she couldn't deal with on her own as an elderly, chronically ill woman.

Last Saturday night, after a particularly bad nightmare, I had woken up screaming, unable to breathe as I vomited all over my bed. Nana found me sobbing seconds before a seizure stole me from my consciousness. I had choked on my own sick and had been oxygen starved for a good few minutes before the paramedics were able to clear my airway. When I woke up in the hospital, I hadn't remembered any of it until Nana retold the story with tears in her eyes, her frail fingers shaking. I felt guilty and burdensome to make her suffer along with me. She didn't deserve this, she didn't deserve to deal with me and my trauma when she was supposed to be peacefully resting as her time on earth neared the end. I was ruining everything... but I was used to that by now.

I stayed in the hospital until Wednesday before they finally let me go home. I was a grumpy patient, complaining about the stench of medicine, death and illness, and I had been giving the doctors hell whenever they came to run their invasive tests with my brain. There was nothing more to it other than PTSD, I didn't need them to repeat what I had been hearing for the last eight years. Unless they could erase time and fix the past, there was nothing they could do for me now. However, I was sent home with some stronger sleeping pills and anxiety meds I didn't plan on taking. I just wanted to curl up with Nana and read with her by my side. That was the only remedy for me. I didn't go back to school for the rest of the week and it was now Saturday, my family's arrival due tomorrow.

Of course I couldn't fault Nana for calling out to my parents for help. It was best for her, although it was a painful reminder of the past for me. On top of that, this ruined my plans, assuming they would still be around during the time of Nana's passing. Would they try and stop me if I did commit to my decision to leave too? What would they say? Would they care? Of course they wouldn't, heck, none of them, aside from Maverick, had even bothered to call me over the years, of course they wouldn't care. I told myself that I didn't care, that I didn't deserve their compassion, but deep down, it hurt and the pit of my stomach churned.