Saving Isadore [MxM] (An Alpha's Fight Book 1)

Chapter 17

ISADORE ¤ POV

When I woke up, my head was in Nana’s lap and my body felt uncharacteristically heavy. I let out a small groan, rolling over sluggishly and burying my face against her cardigan covered stomach. Her frail fingers were gentle as she ran them through my hair. Her familiar touch was a blanket of warmth and comfort and I didn’t want to move. I didn’t dare open my eyes. 

“What am I going to do with you, child?” She asked, her rough voice a whispered sigh. It didn’t sound exasperated, just exhausted. I didn’t say a word. There was nothing I could say. Nobody knew what to do with me, not Nana, not dad or Maverick or mum or Aaron. I didn't know what to do with myself. “Aaron didn’t take things very well, I guess?” 

“He called me a monster,” I whispered brokenly, my throat swollen with unshed tears. But I was sick and tired of crying. I was sick and tired of emotional pain. It felt never ending and I just wanted it all to stop. “He’s scared of me. He thinks I’m like Landon. He doesn’t understand… he never will.” I understood that now, that no one would truly understand how I felt because they didn’t know what was going on inside my head. They weren’t there when I was eight, they couldn’t feel what I felt. They didn’t understand a damn thing. 

“Misunderstandings are common. Were you clear with your words or were you emotional? Did he stop and reflect before he spoke or did he respond with an outburst? Are you trying to understand one another?” Nana hummed wisely, her hands still petting me. I couldn’t remember half of what was said, I just remembered Aaron’s fearful expression and his rejection. I had tried to explain but he just… he’d made up his mind about what I was and that was the end of it. 

“This was a mistake. I shouldn’t have… I shouldn’t have tried.” 

“Don’t you start bullshitting me now young man. You know damn well that it was worth your time and effort. Love is no mistake and feelings often can’t be controlled. I am so proud of you for pursuing him despite everything. Look at how far you’ve come Isadore. From barely being able to look at him, to becoming his friend. If things don’t go any further than this, at least you can look back with pride and say that despite everything, you tried your best. This was no mistake. You’ve blossomed this past week and yes, this hurts, but the darkness will pass like the night and you’ll bloom again. You’re so young, you have so much more to experience and find new people to love. Don’t let this destroy you. Dramatic fool.” 

I blinked up at her, wondering how she could always remain so optimistic. She had so much faith in me but I could never live up to her expectations. I kept failing over and over, yet still she held hope that I would achieve something great. She was the only one who believed in me. “What if nobody ever loves me, not the way you do?” I asked, teary eyed as I waited for her answer. Nana smiled, her wrinkled face lighting up. 

“No one will ever love you the way I do, because there is only one of me and our bond is special. But, there will be people who learn to love you in their own special ways, whether it be platonic or romantic or complicated and twisted. Love is love and you should embrace it all. Your dad loves you, your brother loves you and I love you and for now, that’s enough, right?” She squeezed my cheeks. 

I nodded, closing my eyes and she bent, kissing my forehead. I didn’t feel completely healed from the events that afternoon, but Nana was right, she always was. I could come back from this, I’d come back from worse. I could do this, I’d promised her that. “I want to start therapy again,” I told her sheepishly, taking a deep breath. I'd made a vow and I had to keep it. “I think that maybe it’ll help.” 

Nana smiled, her cloudy blue eyes softening. “It’s about time you stopped being so stubborn about it all. And your pills? You’ll take them too?” I nodded, chewing on my bottom lip thoughtfully.