Distance

20

A while after, when it really sunk into my head that I have Hayden's freaking phone number, I developed a habit of texting him more often than I probably should have. I even stupidly asked him to hang out a few times. Just, you know, to go hang out at the park that's right across the street from my house and do homework or something. But he never replied. Geez, I wonder why!?

Well, probably a day or so after the last text I sent him--on a saturday--he finally replied:

 Him: "Oh sorry i never check my phone (i rarely use it)"

LIAR LIAR LIAR.

Me: "Oh thats fine! Haha"

Him: "Hey don't take this the wrong way, but i kinda think i know where youre going with this and i think youre cool and all but i dont think of you as anymore than a friend. i dont want to be more than that because over the summer i broke up with my girlfriend of 2.5 years and i dont want a girlfriend right now. So just letting you know..."

Well....Shit. That's pretty damn straight-forward. I felt like I wanted to barf all over the place--I was really terrified and had no idea how to reply.

Me: "Aww geez I'm so sorry to hear that :( I completely understand though, because I actually broke up with my girlfriend (yeah, girlfriend. I'm bisexual haha) about a month ago"--Which was COMPLETELY a lie--"and I was with her for almost a year, so i totally get it. I guess when I put the card in your band locker i should have just put "just as friends" because i didnt want you to get the wrong idea....so we're pretty much on the same page though, right?"

Him: "i guess so"

You're only gonna say "I guess so" after I texted you ALL THAT? And it was from the fucking heart, too! I was being truthful to you! UGH!

Me: "Okay...but I do like you, don't get me wrong. If you want me to back off please say so. & I dont mean to be harsh at all...I just dont want this to be awkward :P ya know?"

Him: "Yeah well i think we should just be friends..."

Me: "I agree..."

Him: "good"

Someone please kill me. 

Me: "Let's not make monday awkward..."

Him: "Why would it be"

Why wouldn't it be awkward?!

Me: "I don't know...because you know I like you? Im not used to people knowing that i like them"

Him: "Oh haha whatever:)"

A SMILEY FACE? Whaaaat? He hardly ever used any smiley face of any kind in text messages! Unless he's being serious about something....And...huh...I guess he is serious. He's...fine with it? Wow. Shocker.

Me: "Haha okay (: Thanks man(:" 

As soon as I hit send I regretting saying "man" at the end of the text. I sounded like a complete idiot! Though I think it is safe to say that I wanted to die after that horrifying conversation. The last thing I was up for was an awkward hour of band that following Monday, too. I couldn't look him in the eye after this! What the heck was I supposed to do? I sit almost RIGHT next to him during band, too! Arrg!

 Anyways, the next night I was on Wattpad and noticed Najwa was on. I couldn't help but cave in and message her; we talked back and forth for a while, and I mentioned how I wanted to kill Hayden really badly.