Distance

5

The loneliness lasted for about a week. In the meantime, I talked to other people on twitter who I really particularly enjoyed, including one of my best friends, Barbara. She and I had a formspring--a site where you can ask friends random questions to learn more about them--and we grew a liking to asking one another random shit all the time, and starting conversations and stuff. Her and I knew each other for a while, and were just getting really close. That week we really hit it off; one day someone (I can't remember who) meant to type "hahaha" but instead typed "jajaja" like the Spanish way of typing it, and it actually stuck. Every time we would "laugh" we'd use it, and we thought it was pretty damn funny for a long time. Also, she got me into the show "Two & A Half Men" with Charlie Sheen and everything, with the whole "winning" thing. That was another one of our inside jokes. I even got a "Winning" shirt for my birthday from my mom at Hot Topic because I said I wanted it.  I still have it. I don't wear it anymore though....

Anyways, Barbara and I were like two peas in a pod, pretty much. We had practically everything in common, and we nicknamed ourselves the "twinzies." We loved all the same bands/music, clothing, hobbies, etc, and we thought we were extremely badass because of it!

But, no matter how long her and I talked, I couldn't help but miss Najwa a lot. All I wanted was to be able to giggle with her and feel all happy inside because my really really awesome friend was back. Although, I couldn't do anything about it since I'm not her parents, who obviously have her iPod and computer tucked away somewhere in her house where she can't find it. So, you know. Kind of sucks. A shitload.

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After that horribly long week was over and Najwa returned, we were both very ecstatic to be able to talk again finally! We chatted for hours on end and didn't want to stop, afraid that she'd for some reason get grounded again and would have her stuff taken away a second time, for who the hell knows how long. When we finished a conversation that died down a bit, I decided to ask her something that was on my mind for a while, but I didn't fully come to terms with it. "Hey." I typed, "....You said you're bi, right...?" And I hit send. I started to have questions about my own sexuality...Whenever I saw a guy and a girl kissing in a movie or something, I tried imagining myself kissing a guy, but it just felt.....weird. Or wrong. Very off, like I wouldn't know what to do. You know, DO.

A few moments later, she replied, "Yes...Why? :)"

"Oh...Well I was just curious...because I think i'm bi :P"

"Oh :) You THINK? Well...Try looking up pictures of Megan Fox in lingerie. She's HOT ;)"

"Hahaha okay (;" I'd always thought Megan Fox was hot in movies, but I guess I never wanted to admit it to myself because guys are always all "Oh my god she is so SEXY!" and I didn't want to be another one of those annoying horny assholes. But, who cares now? I surely don't. Now that I know that I'm not the only one. So, with that, I went to google images, typing in, "Megan Fox in lingerie" and pressed Enter.

And, hot DAMN. Based on what I saw, I knew I was at least bi-curious for sure.

I typed Najwa another Direct Message: "Okay, yeah. I'm at least bi-curious, because holy SHIT she's HOT. xD"

"Yay! Haha join the club! ;)"

"Sure will..! (: hahah"

Later, I also explained to her how I'd tried imagining myself kissing a guy or being in a relationship, but it always felt wrong. Even if I tried imagining kissing Ashley Purdy--who I was crazily attracted to and always said I constantly wanted to fuck him, because I WANTED to--and that still felt weird. I'd SAY I'd do these things, but say I ever somehow got the chance to, would I? I don't know....I don't know at all.

For the next month or so, I'd look all over the internet and Yahoo Answers! and things, trying to find answers to what my sexuality could possibly be. I don't understand why I was so determined to figure it out right away, but I just wanted to peace with it all, I suppose.

A long while later, I'd finally figure it all out.