Distance

14

The next weekend, it was already Homecoming. I had no date, and I thought just going with friends would just be awkward, so I thought of asking Max if he'd want to tag along with me because we got along so well. I asked him over twitter (Awesome, right?) but it turned out that they had a show that night. I looked it up on Facebook, and sure enough, it was true. Ugh! Really? He would have went, too...It made my mood a bit that he actually wanted to. It was....sweet of him.

I tried to keep my mind off of Najwa, because thinking of her just made me feel....Sad. Sad and empty. So I thought it was best if I kept myself away from it and her as much as possible. And strangely....It worked. Not without everything reminding me of her, however. That was the hard part...But overall, today was a pretty good day.

On that Friday I had to get to school an hour early for band rehearsal. We had to do a performance on the field for the Homecoming game that was that following Tuesday by playing Riverdance. People who were in marching band in past years had to do choreography in the front, and then those who did not participate in marching band had to stand in the back. Marcos, Hayden and I all didn't do marching band, so we were stuck roll-stepping 16 steps, and then played. There were a few Juniors who played Alto who were in marching band, so we weren't the awkward section out!

Everyone had to be out in the field by 7 o'clock sharp. I typically got up to go to school around 7:45, so it's safe to say that I was pretty tired. I had a huge blue sweatshirt on that I borrowed from my sister because it was freezing out, and my hands got numb after only a few minutes of being outside. When I met everyone outside, I took my place on the football field, on the 55 yard mark, and was in between both Hayden and Marcos. We practiced marking time and roll stepping, which was hard for me because of my cerebral palsy, but I did the best I could. I didn't have a lyre or a flip folder to hold my music up, so I had to wing it. Let's just say it didn't go very well....But I managed.

Hayden, on the other hand, didn't have a lyre either, yet he seemed to play everything perfectly without any sheet music. Seriously? I thought. You.... you idiot... I couldn't help but be a bit jealous. And I will admit, I may have given him a dirty look or two...

After rehearsal, I ran up to the band room and put my instrument away. I'd have to see it two more times that day however, because I had regular concert band at 11, and then at the end of the day I had to leave Civics early to perform for Pep Fest in the gymnasium. We had a shortened school day because of it, and Marcos, Zach and I left class at around 1:20 in the afternoon to get our instruments. They sped in front of me, and I struggled to keep up. "Come onnnn!" Marcos called from ahead of me, grinning.

"Tryyyyiinnnngg!!" I laughed, out of breath. It was hard for me to walk fast and to walk long distances, and it was a pretty long walk from the Civics room up to band and then down to the gym. Fun, huh? Not really.

I got my instrument and made my way down by myself since no one would really stick along with me. I followed someone else from band that I knew and went into the gymnasium, clumsily making my way over the bleachers and into my section. I stood in between Marcos and a Bass Clarinet player. Hayden, along with a few other Alto players who were older were on the lower bleacher in front of us, including one of my some-what friends named Charlie, who's a Junior. She was super sweet (yes, she) and she knew my sister from marching band. She'd always run up to me and give me hugs and call me "sweetie" and "cutie". And she was extra awesome because we had almost the same style! She wore dark clothing and eyeliner and cute tutus; she could totally pull it off!

I didn't have a lyre again, so I had no choice but to look off of Marcos' music, which was a bit difficult considering that we were standing We rehearsed the Pep band songs a few times, and then people started to pile in. We started with the school song first, and then went to others like Pirates of the Carribean, Hey Baby!, and Seven Nation Army. I loved all of them, so I had a bunch of fun! Finally, my mood was a bit positive, if only for a moment!

We took a short break from playing, and the school's dance team did a performance. While they danced, Marcos did a wolf-whistle and started chuckling, and that made me laugh and roll my eyes. Of course he'd think they're hot... Hayden looked from behind him, giving Marcos a weird look. Was he....not thinking the same thing? That may be a first....What a gentlemen!

There were activities for each grade level, and the Homecoming King's and Queen's did a few games with one another. Next thing you know, the bell rang, indicating that school was out. Geez, that was fast! Everyone seemed to rush out all at once, and it was really crowded near the exits. I was smart and waited until the gym was almost empty, so I could take my time getting up to the band room and coming back down to go home. Plus, I was exhausted from being up since 6 AM, and I did a ton of walking that day! But it was so, so, soooo worth it!

Unfortunately, I got sick later that day and couldn't make it to the game....Or the dance. I got a sinus infection and missed over a week and a half of school. I had SO much work to make up, it was almost crazy! I was doing homework from when I got up to when I went to bed for at least a week. My mom was extremely proud of me for not complaining one bit, but I did what I had to do in order to get caught up, and I was proud of myself. I also had to do all of my daily work that I missed each day, so I just had that much more! I really didn't want to go back to school though. Like, REALLY didn't want to go back....I didn't want to face anyone anymore. Still, not even my friends. Their constant joy and happiness made me even more depressed.

After I got better, I thought I might as well give it a try. It was a Friday, so it was most likely going to be an easy day. And, suprisingly, I was right! I didn't have much work to do in class, so that was helpful.

When it came around time to go to band, I walked into the room, got my instrument ready (though I took my sweet time...) and the bell rang. Mr. Hoehn walked into the room and I said my usual "Good morning!" and he asked if I was feeling better. I said "Eh," but that overall, yeah, I was feeling better.

People started entering the room now, and when Hayden walked in and saw me, he went "YAY! Clary's back!" with a huge smirk on his face. I smiled a REAL smile for the first time in weeks. No one was ever this excited to see me, I swear! And especially when I had been feeling so alone and vulnerable lately...I really really needed and appreciated that. He made me feel...special.

Band would become my favorite class of the day because of hm. And also because of playing music, of course. Music always made me feel better....Especially with me being depressed any other time of the day.

Later that next week, something like that happened again with him. I was leaving to go put my instrument away before the hour ended so I could go down the lunch, when suddenly Hayden stopped me dead in my tracks, had a smile on his face and beamed, "Bye Clary!!" I, stupidly, didn't process that he was actually saying goodbye to me at the moment, so I just returned his smile and walked away. But as I was actually walking away I thought, Whoa, did he seriously just say bye to me? I thought I might be imagining it. But I knew for a fact that I wasn't. I put my instrument and folder away, and then headed out of the room. And that's when it hit me. HE SAID MY NAME. It sounded so perfect and amazing when it flowed out of his lips. I don't know why I couldn't get over it. I can't lie and say I didn't fangirl a bit. Why would such an attractive, older and talented boy ever say bye to me? No one ever said bye to me! Or was even excited to SEE me like earlier!

Wait, why was I even thinking these things? I knew I needed to get my mind off of Najwa so I wouldn't constantly be depressed and have at least a few good days, but I didn't know it meant distracting myself with this...boy. I was covering up my depression with something else; I was hiding it deep down inside me even more, and I knew that that wasn't good...