Distance

6

By this time, Barbara and I had been getting especially close. She knew that I was bisexual, and she said she was as well, so we said "what the hell!" and got into a relationship. We were so excited, but I was way more excited than she was. Why? This was my first relationship.

No one had ever liked me like that before. I can totally tell you why, but then I'd just be putting myself down the entire time like I usually do. I always think I'm gross and am no good for someone and wonder WHY on earth my friends like me, so there's really no point because it will all be negative. And for someone to LIKE like me, well, that's just nuts.

Anyways, I immediately jumped to changing my Twitter bio, which I later learned was a huge mistake.

Everything was fine for the whole day, and we were all lovey-dovey and cutesy.

But the next morning, Barbara DM'ed me saying that her brother saw my changed twitter bio.

And that he threatened to tell her parents.

And that she was going to be gone for the whole summer, if not longer.

Why was that bad? It was bad because if he told them, she would have her computer, phone, and any other technology taken away for a very very very long time.

As soon as I read her message once I was downstairs from my room, I felt empty. We couldn't be together. Sure, it was only a day that we were together, but it was a pretty damn amazing day. I actually thought I was in love with her...

I went back into my room, on the verge of tears. I sank down onto my bed and just let it all flow out of me. I ended up bawling for about two hours--like, REALLY bawling--and I wasn't sure how I'd go on without this girl. We were so close and got along so well--we were really best friends.

In the middle of my bawling, my mom unexpectedly barged into my room, wondering if I was awake or not (it was around 12 in the afternoon by now and my door was shut). Somehow I managed to calm down for the few seconds that my mom sat down on my bed with me--I was wrapped up into my blankets--and talk without choking on air.

As soon as she left, I started bawling again. I DM'ed Barbara on twitter, begging for her to not go, but she wouldn't listen. At all. She just let me go like that.

She didn't care about me, did she? Not at the moment, I really don't think she did.

Even though she obviously didn't care, I was depressed for about two weeks. I felt nothing. Did nothing. Said nothing. It hurt to get up in the morning. All I wanted to do was cry.

But that was the silliest thing I've ever done.

She'd totally be a bitch, later.

She even fucked up my confidence and backstabedb me when I'd need her most and ditched me and caused me to have trust issues, along with so much more....