Distance

21

During rehearsal on one of the followings days, we were running through the night of the concert. In between songs, Hayden dropped something on the floor. And, of course, I saw. I watched him pick whatever it was out of the corner of my eye, and suddenly I caught him looking up at me. For a long time, too. Maybe 3 to 5 seconds. STRAIGHT at me. I didn't really believe it at first--that perhaps he was staring at something behind me--but nope. For some reason I felt a bit self-conscious. Why would he be looking at me if he didn't like me?! Was there something on my face? Did he lie about not liking me? What the hell?!

That was pretty much the only thing on my mind for the rest of the day. By the time the ending bell rang, releasing everyone out of so-called hell, I ran down the hall from Civics class to make sure I could see Hayden again. Walking down the stairs, my iPod blaring in my ears, I looked around and tried to "stay cool". I didn't see him at first, but then he just, BAM, popped out of nowhere coming up the staircase adjacent to the one I was going down. When I saw him I actually started to fall down the stairs, hanging on to the railing for dear life, the dead weight of my backpack pulling me down. I eventually got my balance back--thankfully--and ran off down one of the main halls to my usual spot. Good god, he nearly made me kill myself! Thanks, boy.

A few days later during band rehearsal, Hayden was in the middle of one of his precious little solos. He hated them, but Marcos and I both weren't about to take one, so we made him do them. He always would play them perfectly--tone was amazing, perfect articulation and dynamics, everything! It made me feel jealous. But...today was different. While he was right in the middle of one of his solos, he just, BLOOP, went flat and stopped playing. It was like he was punched in the stomach and got the air knocked out of him. I could tell he looked panicked and had no idea how to continue; he glanced up at Mr. Hoehn who just kept directing--but not without giving him a slight death stare--and I felt really bad for him. If I were in his shoes, I'd just say "fuck it" and wait until everyone else came in! But, WHOA. He messed up! What the hell! I thought he was perfect. He never messes up. It was just so...shocking. And slightly awkward...

When the song was over, Hayden leaned over to Marcos and groaned, "I'm sick..."

So THAT'S why he messed up! The poor thing isn't feeling well! Awww...

Well, after school was another fun time. I was in the car with my mom, on our way home. I was glancing out the window, when my eyes came across Hayden walking out of the Gym entrance, a big long sports bag slung across his back. He plays sports?! Winter sports?! Oh...Hmmm...I wonder which one...But, uh, really? He's probably a freakin' jock. I hate jocks..

The day after that, I had to have botox injections in my leg muscles because of my cerebral palsy. There not fun, trust me. They hurt. Like hell. But I get loopy medicine and cold spray, so it's not as bad as it was when I was younger, when I didn't get anything to help the pain. And, to add to all of the fun, I ended up somehow getting sick the night before, too. I probably got whatever Hayden had, but who knows! It was only a cold, so it wasn't too horrible! I couldn't help but feel slightly panicked though, because the band concert was on Thursday, and today was Monday. I had a sore throat, my nose was all stuffy, and I had a bad cough. Sore throat + wind instrument = PAIN.

I texted Hayden that night and said: "If I'm not at the concert on Thursday night I give you and Marcos permission to kill me. I'm sick haha :P"

He never replied that night, and for some reason I didn't really care. I went to bed, hardly able to breath, and just wished the next day would be over with already.

The next morning I woke up and just layed in bed for a while. My doctors appointment wasn't until about noon, so I was happy that I got to sleep in a bit. I checked my messages as usual, but nothing was really interesting. Just a bunch of crap from twitter. I stared at my phone for a while, and suddenly I felt it vibrate.