Jily - forever 21

Summer before NEWT's. Part 2.

James was wondering whether he should go talk to Lily, he knew that all the others would, but he honestly, didn´t know what he should say to her. He still had both his parents, and if something happened, he had Sirius and Marlene to go through it with. Lily´s sister did not like Lily, and it wasn’t likely her father could be strong for his daughter now, he was probably in sorrow as well, and Lily, well none of her friends knew Ms. Evans very well. The girls had met her, but still…

In the meantime, Marlene had decided to go to Lily. She knocked lightly on the door, and entered to find Lily crumbled up in the bed, staring out the window, as if she was waiting for something. “Lil.” Lily turned her head slowly, and watched as Marlene sat down next to her. Lily´s expression was without emotion as she started speaking. “Do you know what happened, Mar, Voldemort came, and they sent an owl to us, they told me, that it was a warning, because I fought back, back at Slytherins for crying out loud. It´s my fault, Mar, because I am a muggle-born and that puts everyone I love in harm. I can´t have that, Mar, I just can´t.” Marlene was of course scared of Voldemort, but she was more scared for those she loved and by the looks of it, that was Lily also. Marlene had to add strength to her friend, “Look Lily, you can´t blame yourself, we´re all in danger, Mary is a muggle-born, Em is half-blood and if anything happens to her it is most certainly more because of Mary then you. James, Sirius, Remus, Peter and I we´re all blood traitors, and if anything happens to either one of us it is because we fight back, and we HAVE TO fight back, but we can´t do that if we all drown in self-pity. Don’t blame yourself, Lil, it´s not your fault.” Lily gave a weak smile, “Even if that was true, then it is still my fault with my mom, and that my dad and Tuney is now in danger.” Marlene shook her head furiously:” No, no Lily, because EVERYBODY is in danger, so please don’t put this on yourself.” Lily looked down and replied:” I don’t know, Mar, I promise, I´ll think about what you said, okay?” Marlene looked at her friend questiongly, and stood up. “Okay, but remember we´re all here for you, you´re not alone. We´re all coming with you to the funeral.” “Oh, no you don’t have to.” Lily immediately said. Marlene looked at Lily and said sternly;” We are coming.” With that, she left the room.

Lily returned to staring out the window, though this time she was wondering about everything Marlene had said. She was still sitting like this, when Remus entered the room. He went over and gave her a hug. “How are you doing?” he said softly. Through her teeth she said, “I´m managing, I think.” He looked at her with worry, “Just, Lily, you can´t blame yourself. You can´t blame yourself for everything. If we all do that, then we could just as well surrender to Voldemort.” Remus´ words had some impact on Lily. “Remus, none of us would ever surrender to Voldemort, but you can´t say that you wouldn’t feel guilty if it had been you.” Remus shook his head, “No, Lily I can´t say that, but I also trust that you would pull me out of it, which is what we´re doing now. Feel better, Lily. It hurts seeing you like this, but remember we all get that you´re morning, but we´re not about to let you ruin yourself by blaming yourself and locking yourself away up here.” Then he left. Remus could comfort people, but he was no expert.

Lily was staring in the ceiling, now both Marlene´s and Remus´ words were eating their way through to Lily, but still not quite. Sirius was standing in the door, unsure of whether he should enter. He and Lily were in the same crowds, but they hadn’t ever really talked. Then he took a step inside and he placed himself next to Lily, staring into the ceiling with her. He was hoping that the presence of another would be enough, because he never really was good with words. Lily suddenly spoke, “I didn’t tell her, my sister I mean, I didn’t tell her it was Voldemort. Does that make me a bad person, not wanting her to have more reasons to hate me?” Sirius didn’t really know much of Lily and her sister, but he of all people could relate to the family problem things. “No, I don’t think it does. I think it shows that you´re protective of her, if you told her, it would freak her out knowing about all that is happening right now.” He said. Lily frowned: “But I, I shouldn’t still be protective of her. Would you still protect your brother?” Sirius answered, mostly because Lily was just the sort of person you could trust, “Yes, I would, because he could’ve been different. I don’t blame him for being as he is, I really don’t.” Lily smiled: “Good, you know I used to adore my sister, when we were younger, but then I found out I was a witch and then she thought I was a freak, and it was hell, because I lost my role model, my only friend. It almost crashed me then.” Sirius nodded his head: “Yeah, me and Reg were the greatest friends, before I was put in Gryffindor, but Lily you need to remember this. We all crash sometimes, we break down, we´re weak, but we all come back. Nobody blames you for falling, because we´re all here to pick you up, until you can stand again.” Lily gave a small smile. “When did you become so philosophic?” Sirius looked at her with amusement: “Are you questioning my intelligence?” Lily smiled and shook her head, “I´m always questioning your intelligence.” As he walked towards the door, he held a hand to his chest. “You wound me, Evans.” Lily smiled and closed the door after him.

James knew had watched as they all had come down after talking to Lily, but she still wouldn’t come down. Marlene and Remus were some of Lily´s best friends, and if they couldn’t get her to come down, then what chance did he have. It was Monday morning, they only had one day before Lily needed to pull herself together for the funeral. James went quietly up to the room Lily were in, and she was sitting on the bed staring at the wall. He sat down next to her, and after a moment´s hesitation he wrapped his arms around her. She tilted her head and rested on his shoulder. He kissed her on her forehead, and moved her more comfortably in his arms. He wondered what he should do; it was all new to him. It wasn’t like Lily to let him hold her, but again normally she definitely didn’t talk to Sirius. “Do you think, we can survive all pain, don’t you think we ever give up?” Lily asked. James turned his head, looked at her, and replied:” I think some people break down, but I don’t think you do, because pain makes you stronger. You are going to be okay, Lil. Don’t worry, we´re here for you.” Lily smiled and squeezed James´ hand, but then frowned and asked: “Why though? Sure you´re all considered blood-traitors, but hanging around muggle-borns surely doesn’t help. Why do you bother?” James answered: “We care. We´re here Lil, don’t ever question that. Now are you going to come down with us or what?” Lily smiled: “Perhaps in a bit.” James left.

He entered the living room, and sat down with the others. Marlene said: “Do you think, she is going to be okay?” Sirius said: “I tried cheering her up, but I don’t know.” Marlene said:” I´m worried about her, she will destroy herself, if she doesn’t learn, that it is to be weak, Lily has always hid from everyone.” Before Marlene could continue, another voice said:” And perhaps you should learn not to talk about other people when they are around.” They all turned in shock and Marlene burst out, “LILY you came down.” Lily grinned, “Yeah, Mar, you suck at that.” Marlene grinned and nudged at Lily side. The rest of the day they all talked and got Lily away from thinking about her mom.

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