Fall

Fix this

Justin stood over me with tears threatening to spill out of his brown eyes. His whole face was red and his body was tense. "What can I do?" he barely speaks trying to keep himself from crying. I just stare at him with no reply. There was nothing he could do that would make me feel better. There was nothing he could say that could change the fact that my heart felt like it had been shattered into a million pieces. Nothing he could say would make me feel any better. "Please," he pleaded, getting down on his knees.

"Justin I-" I began but couldn't think of anything to say. "Just tell me that we can work this out? Tell me you still love me. Tell me how I can make things better," he grabbed my hand and held on tight. "You see that's just the thing, you can't fix this Justin. There's nothing you could say that would make me feel any better," I ran my fingers through my hair. I still loved him. Part of me wanted to pretend like I never saw those messages on his phone and that Hailey hadn't stopped at our house. I can't pretend though, because when I look at him, I think about how another woman shared an intimate moment with my husband. How he may have kissed her the way he kissed me. Him, smiling at her just made my skin crawl.

His tears that were threatening to spill came rushing down all at once. "Bella please stop saying that," his voice croaks. "Justin it's the truth," I tell him. "No, it's not. There's always a solution to every problem. I don't believe that you don't love me as much as I love you. I don't believe that you want to raise our children separately. I don't believe that you're really ready to leave me," he moves closer to me.

"You're right," I look up at him and sigh. "My plan was never to do these things without you. I still love you and that's what drives me insane the most. You hurt me so much that I literally felt my heart crumble in my chest and I still love you. I can't bring myself to hate you. I'm not ready to leave but I feel like I have to because love isn't enough to get me through my sleepless nights silently crying while laying next to you. Love isn't getting me through my mid-day break downs. Love didn't stop you from cheating on me and looking me in my face and lying to me. Love should have brought your ass home," I tell him.

"But if you go, I'll have nothing," he whispered. My heart hurt at the sound of him say that. "If you leave me, I'll be right back to square 1. I'm miserable without you in my life. I fucked up big time and I know it, but I am telling you this right here and now that as God as my personal savior I will never cheat on you again. I will make it up to you for the rest of my life if I have to. I am willing to build the trust again. If you feel more comfortable sleeping at the other end of the house, or hell outback with Ming then so be it. You just can't walk out that door and not come back. You can't just leave me. I won't allow it," he pulled my head to his and kissed my lips.

"You hear me? I'm not losing you," he cried. He crawled into my lap and sobbed while whispering please don't leave me until he falls asleep.

+++++++++++++

I watch Justin as he sleeps peacefully in my lap. I rubbed his hair out of his face and rubbed circles on his back. He snored slightly his face was stained from tears. I had a no cheating policy and I always said that if I were to ever be cheated on I would leave. I didn't know it would be this hard though. I didn't know that there was going to be someone on the opposite side begging me to stay.

"Everything okay?" Pattie peaks her head inside the room looking down at Justin. I shrug and look down. I needed to cry and let out some more hurt but I hated crying in front of people. "Let's put him to sleep and then we can talk," she gives me a small smile. After successfully waking Justin up she takes me into her bedroom and shuts the door. I sit quietly on her bed. "It's late how about we go ahead and get under the covers and maybe have a sleepover," she smiles making me crack an inch of a smile. I pulled the covers back on the other side of the bed. She pats her lap and I lay my head in her lap. "Do you finally want to share what happened?" she asks with her soothing voice while she plays in my hair, which made me calm.

"You have to promise you won't tell my family especially not my mom," I whisper. "Is it that bad?" she asks and I nod. "I promise," she sighs continuing her relaxation technique on my scalp. "He cheated on me with Hailey for months and I never knew about it," I tell her the shortest version possible. "Recently?" she questions and I shake my head no.

"It was a little before and after Atlanta. The only reason it stopped was that she stopped it because we were becoming friends at the time and she felt terrible," I explain. "Honey, I am so sorry," she kissed the top of my head. "Don't be, it's not your fault," I tell her. "I know but I never want to see you hurting," she tells me.

"Whatever happens between the two of you I will always be here for you no matter what," she kisses the top of my head again. "Thank you, so much for being here and for not trying to mettle into our relationship," I laugh a little. "No, problem honey you're an incredible girl. Why do you think Justin is begging you to stay with him?" she chuckles.

"You heard him?" I ask and she nods. "You just get some rest okay? I will handle the children tomorrow while you get yourself together. I know this is hard for you mentally as well," she turns out her lamp and I begin to slip into a deep slumber.

++++++++++

I wake up the next morning to the smell of breakfast. Pattie wasn't much of a cooker and Justin barely fixed anything other than cereal and toast. I walk downstairs to see Diane whipping up breakfast in the kitchen. "Good morning," she gives me a pleasant smile. I return the smile and kiss Elisa on the cheek. Of course, the twins were still fast asleep. "You know I wanted to apologize for my behavior when I first got here. I shouldn't have come at you like that. We are family and I feel terrible for adding to your problems. I just want to be a part of your lives and be a grandma," she says sincerely. 

I give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "I understand, but just know that you are always welcomed in our home no matter what," I smile. Justin comes downstairs shirtless. He must've just gotten out of the shower because I could smell his body wash from where I was standing. His face was shaved and his hair was in a man bun. 

He looked good and I wasn't going to lie about it. "Good morning," he greets everyone. They all respond except for me. Justin gets orange juice out of the fridge and pours himself a glass. Ms. Diane slides me a plate and I begin to eat. Justin comes over to me and places a kiss on the side of my head. "I love you," he whispers. I continue to eat my food. He places one more kiss on the side of my head before sitting down to eat. 

I could hear one of the twins crying. "I got it," Justin stood up. "Nah sit down I got it," I got up going upstairs not even waiting for a response. I walk into their room and see Ella fussing. I pick her up and smell that she has a stinky diaper. I get her up to put her in the tub. Before I knew it Eli had awakened and I was stuck washing Ella. "Looks like your brother is up," I laugh running the water over her stomach with the rag. 

Eli's cries had died down and I listen to Justin talking to him. He appears in the bathroom with Eli wrapped in his towel with the hood part on his head. I couldn't help but smile at them. "Looks like we've earned a smile from mommy. Good job buddy," he kisses Eli's head. "I'll wash him while you dress her," I tell him. 

"Okay, I was thinking we could all go out to the park to get some fresh air," he said. I could use some fresh air. "Alright," I tell him giving him Ella while taking Eli. "You're gonna come with me?" he asks clearly confused. "Yes," I said without any other explanation. He formed a smile and walked back into the children's room. 

"Baby, I need to run to the store really quickly to get something. I'll be back in no time," he tells me. I nod my head not really paying attention. 

I was strapping the twins into the car seats when I hear my name being called frantically from the living room. "Bella!" I hear it once again. "I'm coming!" I shout back. I run into the living room as both Pattie and Diane stood frozen in front of the screen. "What's going on?" I ask looking at the screen. It was Justin's car turned upside down on fire. My heart dropped to my ass. "Fuck! No! No!," I dropped to my knees. 

"I have to get there," I rush to get my keys. "Pop Star Justin Bieber involved in a fatal car accident," the reporter says while I watch my husband's car go up in the flames. "Not fatal!" I panic more. I was mad at him but I didn't want him to die. He was the love of my life and I didn't want to do life without him.