Fall

Not speaking

Justin hasn't been home in a week. He hasn't called and no one has seen him. It's really irresponsible considering we have a child together and two more on the way. "Mommy where is daddy?" Elisa asked for the millionth time in the past week. "I don't know baby," I said buckling her into her car seat. I had just picked her up from school and now had to drop her off at dance. "Maybe he will come home tonight," she looked out the window. I hated to see her hurt but there wasn't really much that I could do.

"I'm sorry pumpkin. How about when I come and get you from dance we go to Friendly's and gets some ice cream for desert," I smile at her through my rear view mirror. She nodded her head yes and I drove her to class.

"Justin call me back, you haven't been home in a week. You haven't contacted Elisa and she's worried about you. You're beyond childish as fuck for this," I left him a voicemail for the third time today. I threw my phone onto the dashboard as I waited for Elisa's class to let out. My phone began to ring. I looked at it hoping it was Justin but it wasn't. Pattie was calling.

"Hey mom," I answer with a heavy sigh. "Still no word from Justin?" she asked. "No, I'm worried about him and Elisa keeps asking me for him. He doesn't answer any of my texts or calls," I inform her.

"Honey I'm sorry I wish I could help. I'm in town for a few more days and I would like to come and check on you and Elisa," she says. "I told Elisa we could go to Friendly's after dance. You are more than welcome to come," I offer.

"Okay I'm at the family house, pick me up on your way from dance,"

"Okay I should be to you in like fifteen minutes the class is almost over," I inform her. "Sounds Good Bella love you," "Love you more," I tell her. My alarm goes of informing that it was time to head inside to get Elisa. I got out the car and went inside the building.

"Mrs.Bieber!" Elisa dance teacher caught my attention. I watched as Elisa conversed with her friends and put her regular shoes on.

"Yes," I give her a pleasant smile. "You know that Elisa is one of my best dancers, but I'm worried about her," she gave me a sympathetic look.

"What do you mean?" I asked her. "This past week she seems a little down or maybe distracted?" She tried to explain. "I'll talk to her and see what's up. Thank you for letting me know I appreciate you," I hug her and walk over to Elisa.

"Hey princess!" I picked my lips for a kiss and she kisses me. I help her put on her jacket and carry her dance bag to the car. "Guess what?" I say. "What?"

"Grandma Pattie is coming with us to eat!" I said in a exciting tone hoping to raise her mood. She cracked a small smile but it wasn't much. "Are you excited?" I look at her. "I just wanna see daddy," she pouted. "I know baby so does mommy," I drove away to my family's house.

After dinner I drop Pattie off back to my mother and we head home. The lights were off except the kitchen light. Elisa immediately got out the car running into the house. I sighed as I went in after her. I stopped when I seen Justin in the fridge. "Daddy!" Elisa screamed getting his attention. He picked her up and placed kisses all over her face.

"Daddy why do you have hair on your face?" Elisa played with his overgrown facial hair. "Daddy hasn't shaved yet," he smiled at her. I sat my purse, Elisa's dance bag and book bag on the hooks by the garage door for the next day.

"Daddy I missed you so much!" She kisses him again. I was just happy that she was happy. I went upstairs into my bedroom and took off my clothes. "We need to talk," I hear a voice behind me. "No shit," I scoffed. I turned around and looked at him.

"Where were you?" I asked. "I needed time away," was all he said. "Yea, that's not what I asked you," I remained calm since Elisa was home. Her tutor would be over soon to do her homework with her. 

"Bella please, I don't want to argue with you. I just needed time to get away and think," he sighed. I just nodded and continued with changing my clothes into something more comfortable. My belly was beginning to grow a little.

"I didn't cheat if that's what you're thinking," he says. I just shrugged my shoulders. "I thought you were dead. No one could contact you. Elisa was worried about you. Her teacher came up to me today telling me how sad she's been the past week. Am I supposed to say oh sorry her father left us and we haven't heard from him?"  I asked.

"Or just the simple fact that your ass left me while I'm pregnant with your babies. I don't care that you needed space. You could've communicated with me. We are still raising a daughter together," I tell him.

"I just feel like maybe we should separate for a while," he sighed looking down. I instantly cried, it broke my heart to hear him say that. "What?" I look up at him.

"Bella in order for me to be a great father to our children, I need to be happy. I'm just not happy anymore. It's not you, you're amazing and I love you for all of the good things you've brought into my life," he says.

"I don't make you happy?" I asked through tears. "Bella I never said that," he steps closer to me but I step back. "Don't!" I look at him.

"I'll go," I said. "Nah you have Elisa, you can keep the house," he said. "I don't want to live here," I wiped my tears and sniffled. "Are you leaving me for her?" I asked him. "Bella," was all he said. "I'm so dumb, I should've seen this coming," I slightly laughed through the tears. "Bella I'm not leaving you for anyone," he tells me.

"I went from having freedom to being married, to being a father. I just need time that's all. I'm still going to be around. Nothing is going to change about the role I play,"

"Except for the fact that what we have is over. It's literally a piece of paper now," I cried more. "Bella it's not even like I don't want to be with you. I just feel like we need time away from each other," he tried to convince me.

"My heart is not a revolving door. You don't get to just walk in and walk out as you please. You picked me, remember? I was living my free and thrilling life. I wasn't bothering you," I wiped another tear and sniffled.

"You chose me to marry you. I didn't come to you with any of this. You told me you wanted to actually make a relationship out of this. I put my trust and faith into you and gave you my virginity because what I experienced with you in those short few weeks I had never experienced in my year-long relationship. Did you ever even love me?" I asked.

"I still do" He admitted. "Then why leave me? I love you more than I've loved a person in my life. How come you want to leave me, when I gave up so much to be with you?"

"I'm scared that I'm not going to be a good father. While I was gone I could see myself falling back into old habits like smoking and drinking. I'm supposed to raise children in the next year or so. What if I'm a fuck up? What if they hate me because of my past?" He looked at me.

"They aren't even born yet and when they come out they won't know how to use the internet," I joke making him smile a little.

"I have to do what's best for me. Which means that I need to go and really focus on myself and my music. I really hope you understand that," I just shrugged my shoulders.

"What kind of arrangement should we do regarding her seeing you?" I asked.

"I can take her on the weekend," he says. "I go back to NY in a couple of days so you can come there to see her," I tell him.

"I'll keep her, her school is here and her friends and dance," I forgot about those things. This was eating me on the inside. I had to remain strong though. "I'm going to let Elisa finish her homework first. I'll pack a bag for both of us and we'll be out by the end of the night," I tell him about to walk away. "Bella wait," he said making me turn around. He looked me in my eyes, "I really am sorry for hurting you," I nodded and walked into the closet to began packing my bag for the night. After I finished I packed Elisa's bag. I put everything in the car and went inside to get Elisa. 

"Come on baby it's time to go, tell daddy bye," Elisa looked confused. "But I just got to see him. Why do we have to leave," she pouted. I didn't know how to explain to her our situation. "How about daddy comes and picks you up from school tomorrow and we hang out just the two of us?" Elisa still did not look too thrilled about leaving her father. "How come I can't stay with you?" She began to tear up. "Don't cry princess, you can stay with daddy," I wiped my tears and left out. So many thoughts were going on in my head. Has he always been feeling this way? How long has he been ready to leave? Was our relationship a lie?