Fall

Is this the end?

(I high recommend to play "Ghost" while reading the beginning)

++Justin++

It was currently 3:30 in the morning and I was in this big bed all alone. I take her pillow and I sniff it. Her fragrance still lingered on her pillow. This was all my fault and I wish I could go back at that moment and take her back and go home to our family. I am such an idiot sometimes and I let my pride get in the way. 

I got up and went downstairs into the studio and played around with a song I was currently writing. I never put words to it but since I couldn't sleep I figured it was the only thing I could do. 

Youngblood thinks there's always tomorrow
I miss your touch on nights when I'm hollow
I know you crossed a bridge that I can't follow

I took advantage of her love and thought she would always be there. I just wanted to feel her touch one more time, and feel the soft touch of her lips on mine. Knowing that I can't get her back made me feel empty on the inside. I felt like I could never love again. 

Since the love that you left is all that I get
I want you to know that if I can't be close to you
I settle for the ghost of you
I miss you more than life (more than life)

And if you can't be next to me
Your memory is ecstasy
I miss you more than life
I miss you more than life

I let a tear come down my face as I continue to pour my heart out about the way I was feeling. I could never love someone like I love Bella. She was the first girl that I met that made me feel alive. She wasn't phased by all the rumors about me. She opened up to the idea of us being together without even knowing me. How could I have been so stupid? I hurt the one girl I can't live without. 

I didn't care what she said we belonged together. I leave out of the studio and get dressed. 

++Bella++

"I can't believe you guys are really divorcing," Kendall pours the tea in the cups for us. "Well believe it," I chuckle. "I'm still super confused," Bella says. "About what?" I turn my attention to her. "Why you guys are ending things. I thought if you guys could get through the cheating you would get through anything," she says. "I thought the same thing too. He said he felt like we shouldn't be together because we didn't trust each other. I just wish he understood how he made me feel when he talked to me the way he did about the money," I shrug. 

"I don't want to keep seeing you get hurt," Justine says. "And I don't want to keep getting hurt either," I stare off into the distance. "I wish things could've turned out different for you guys. Knowing Justin the way I do, he was his best self with you. He was much healthier and things were turning around for him," Kendall passes us all tea. 

"I just want to be happy all of the time. Is that too much to ask for?" I look around at the girls. "I think we all want to be happy all the time. It's just not the way life is set up baby girl," Bella kisses my cheek. "At least I have you guys," I smile. "And we aren't going anywhere," Justine hugs me. Kendall and Bella join in on the hug and it makes me emotional. "Guys I have to tell you something," I wipe my tears. 

"I'm pregnant," I hide my face. They all give me a shocked expression. "No way," Kendall says. "Way," I sigh sipping the tea. "Does he know?" Bella asks and I nod my head yes. "How do you feel?" Justine asks. "I feel like this is another way I am attached to him," I run my hands though my hair. "I wish this was under better circumstances," Kendall rubs my back. "Me too Ken," I finish the tea. 

"Let's talk about something else," Justine says. "Yes please," I laugh. "We should do another girls trip. Maybe for the New Year we could go to Bali," Bella suggested. "You guys forget I am a mother of three and they would have to come too," I laugh.