Fall

It's my birthday I'll cry if I want to

"Happy Birthday!" Ming and Elisa jumped on my bed. I squint my eyes at them and give them a small smile. "Thank you," I slowly sit up. They were holding breakfast on a tray for me. "I really appreciate you guys for this," I kiss both of their cheeks. "What do you have planned for today?" Ming asks. "Work, Work, and more work," I take a piece of bacon and eat it. 

"Justin's not coming home?" Ming got under the covers next to me. "Nope," I said popping the P. "Oh goodness, why not?" she asks. "He has some interviews today and I didn't want to stress him so I told him we could celebrate it some other time," I shrug swinging my feet over the bed and walking into the bathroom to get ready for my day. 

Today was my 24th birthday and to say that my life has changed in the past year would be an understatement. Just this time last year I was by myself, traveling the world and living freely. This year I am married with one daughter and twins on the way. It felt bittersweet. In some ways I felt like my life had just smacked me hard in the face. "What are you thinking about?" Ming came and stood next to me while we both looked in the mirror. "Nothing," I give her a fake smile. 

"You know I know you better than anyone else talk hoe," she folded her arms. I sigh sitting on the toilet. Before I could get my words out Elisa came running into the bathroom with her iPad. "It's daddy!" she pushed the iPad in my face. "Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday dear Bella! Happy Birthday to you!!" he sang to me in a funny accent. I laugh at his silliness. "Thank you Bieber," I give him a small smile. 

"You okay old head?" he asks. I felt like he was looking through me. "Yes," I lie anyway. "You're not being honest but I'm going to let it slide because it's your birthday," he pouts. "Justin I am fine," I lie again. "Whew two lies in 30 seconds that's a record girl," he laughs. I just roll my eyes. "Goodbye Justin," I laugh. "Wait before you go I just wanted to let you know how much I love you and I hope you have an amazing birthday. I will call you later tonight for some phone sex," he smirks. 

"Justin!" I cover my mouth. "I love you," he smiles and I couldn't help but smile. "I love you," I respond back. It took so much inside of me not to burst out in tears. I wish he was home and that I could spend my birthday with him. This was my first birthday with him and he wouldn't be hear for it. 

+++++++++++

I was at my first shoot of the day and I decided to let Elisa come with me instead of go to school. I didn't want to be alone and she was the closest thing I had to Justin. "I hear it's someone birthday!" the stylist came in with a birthday cake and some Roses. I smile as everyone sings and Jay records. I blow out the candle. "Thank you," I give a small smile. "Mommy can I have some cake please?" she asks. "Yes baby just don't mess up your clothes," I tell her. 

"Alright we are ready for you on set," one of the assistants peeks her head into my dressing room. "Are you coming or staying inside of here?" I ask her. "I'm coming," she hops out of her chair and walks ahead of me with the assistant eating the cake. I take my place on the set and began to take photos. I could feel myself about to cry. I press my tongue to the root of my mouth hard. I didn't want to cry in front of all of these people. 

I could see my mom and sisters come in from the back with balloons and flowers. I no longer could hold in my emotions. I crouched down and sat down Indian style. "Bella is everything okay?" the director asks me. "No I need a minute if that's okay," I let a tear fall. Immediately my makeup artist Melisa came over touching up my under eye. 

Elisa walks over to me and sits in front of me Indian style and rest her hands on her face while staring at me. "Having a bad day?" she asks lowly making me smile a little. "I miss daddy," I tell her in the same voice she's using with me. "I miss daddy too but you know daddy hates when you cry. Do you want me to tell daddy that you're crying on your birthday?" she gives me a look but is still using a low tone. The photographer snaps this moment of the two of us. "No," I shake my head wipe another tear. "Alright so you're going to be a big girl and finish out this shoot and we can call daddy after right?"