Our Saving Grace

Sang - Truth Bombs

North never came home that night. We all spent hours in the hospital gathered around Owen's bedside as the guys all told me stories from their childhood, but North never joined us. When the sunset, Sean convinced the rest of us to go home with reassurances that he would stay and look over Owen. Luke had returned a couple of hours ago, and while he hadn't said anything something felt different about him. Like if he was just an ounce lighter and I really hoped that meant that they had talked after I had fled from the waiting room. I still didn't know the specifics of what happened to Luke, but I did know that this whole family was completely torn up about it. I am glad they had started talking. Clearly, they desperately needed to get some things out in the open.

But now that the dust had settled, I was starting to worry that I had been too harsh with North. I knew for a fact that my own issues had colored the words that I had said to him, and I didn't like that he still wasn't here. I knew that I was right and believed that he needed to hear what I had told him, but maybe there had been a better way to go about it. As Luke drove me back to Uncle's house, I couldn't get his shocked look out of my mind. North was always a force to be reckoned with. A man that was completely confident in every step that he took. Seeing him so taken-aback was messing with my head.

It was like my inner compass was no longer pointing towards true north.

Luke and I both poked at our dinner and ended up curled up in his bed at an early hour. For the longest time, neither of us fell asleep. We didn't talk either. We just existed in each other arms and it was exactly what both of us needed. A space of time where we didn't have to put on a brave face and meet the many expectations that the world has for us. A space of time that we could let our mind wander knowing that we were secure with the other here to protect us from flashbacks and memories.

And it worked. For hours I thought about my present and a possible future. Not once did I get dragged under with thoughts about the Kates or him or even my neglectful family. I thought about the seven guys that were filling my heart and moving into my soul. I spent a good amount of time thinking about how crazy that was. Seven. Seven was not a small number. Seven was not a socially acceptable number. Seven was not a practical number. But even as I thought about all of the doubts that I should be having at this moment I realized that I don't feel any of them.

I should be ashamed for having such deep feelings for so many different people, but I couldn't be more proud of each connection I have with the men of the Blackbourne Team.

I should be conflicted about kissing more than one guy, especially considering that they all best friends with each other, but mostly I just feel excited when I think about the more intimate moments I have shared with my guys.

I should be making a stronger connection with one of the guys over the other, but when I even consider trying to pick one over the others I literally sick to my stomach. I was falling for all seven of them in different but equal ways.

I should be scared but honestly, this is the safest I have felt in years. With that thought in mind, I fell asleep cuddled within Luke's embrace.

The next morning, Luke and I were eating the breakfast that Uncle had insisted on making for us before leaving for work when Kota and Nathan walked in. I was a little surprised to see them here. Out of the nine members of the Blackbourne team, Kota and Nathan were the two that had friend-zoned. Maybe that was why they were here. They wanted to tell me something that I wouldn't like and all of the other guys had shied away from it? But no, that didn't really make sense if I thought about it. All of the men within the Blackborne team were brave and wouldn't hide behind their brothers if shit was about to go down.

Luke wasn't surprised in the least to see them and after shoving the last bite of his breakfast into his mouth, he stood, kissed me on the forehead, and then walked about into his room. Moments later I heard the shower start. I looked over at Kota and Nathan, feeling shy for some reason.