Our Saving Grace

Sang - Love Bites

I appreciated that North had stopped looking at me like I was an insane person and seemed to be taking my outrageous accusation seriously. I mean, I did totally sound like an unhinged jealous woman who was losing her mind because the eighth man that I had a crush on was already taken. And to be completely honest, it was completely possible that I was latching onto something that simply wasn't there. I had done similar things in the past and knew that tackling a problem that I felt was in my control was one of my major coping mechanisms. Most likely, I was clinging to the inconsequential fact that Mia knew an obscure musical artist because I couldn't cope with the very real possibility of getting sucked back into Kate's toxic web of lies and manipulations.

But here North was, not calling me on my insane theory and instead, looking at me like if I was the smartest person in the world. I reached out and brushed my fingertips across the back of his fisted hand because it looked like he was doing his very best to strangle the steering wheel. "Are we okay?" I asked in a small voice because I didn't know what I would do if he said no.

North's jaw clenched but he continued to look at the road and I felt his hands grip the steering wheel impossibly harder. "We will always be okay, Sang Baby. No matter what the fuck happens, you can always call me. I will always come for you. No matter what. Even when I am an incurable dick and you are one hundred percent right about everything."

He then pulled over the car to the side of the road but still refused to turn to look at me. "And you were right. What happened in Greece wasn't Silas' fault and it was cruel of me to ever put that on him," North said and his voice was even deeper than normal. He finally turned towards me and I saw pure, unadulterated pain radiated out from his deep brown eyes. "It is my job to protect him. I failed him. It is my fault."

I knew in my heart that he was wrong. That North would have done literally anything to protect those that he loved and that he would never purposefully do something that results in the kind of pain that now lives within Luke. But I also knew that wasn't exactly how love works. Just because he didn't endure everything that Luke had, didn't mean that he wasn't cut deeply by the same knife that had sliced into his brother. North was suffering from a different but equally devastating pain and he didn't know how to categorize it. Without the proper outlet, all of that pain was morphing into guilt and self-hate.

The Toma team had done something very similar. Going back over the months that I had been with the Kates and picking at things that they felt should have tipped them off. When I had been hurt, everyone that loved me had been injured as well, they just didn't have the physical signs of that assault on their skin.

I unbuckled my seatbelt and crawled into North's lap. He was tense underneath me for a moment as he processed my unexpected move but after a beat, his massive arms wrapped around me, making me feel safe and surrounded. "Greece didn't just happen to Luke. It happened to all of you. And just as Luke needs to process and come to terms with it, so do you. It wasn't your fault, North. And it is okay to share in his pain. I can tell you that Luke feels the same way. He is struggling to process what happened to him so in an attempt to understand he is also blaming himself. I can promise you that all nine of you are feeling some level of self-hate, shame, and guilt. You may be the only one that is expressing that pain via anger, but I swear that you are not alone North. Your brothers are with you. And more importantly, your brothers need you."

I was engulfed in North's embrace with my head tucked into his chest so I couldn't see his face, but I felt him swallow hard before he asked, "How the fuck can you possibly know that?"

I let out a breath before saying, "Raven was the angry one. Brandon was the stoic one that seemed to understand my suffering the most. Corey overcompensated in everything that he did for months. Marc became emotionally distant with everyone but never let me out of his sight for long, and Axel still blames himself. What happened to me in that shelter also happened to them and it almost broke them. It almost broke us. It wasn't until Kayli called everyone on our shit and made us finally talk with eachother that we realized that the best way through was together."