Our Saving Grace

Fucking Heaven - Gabriel

I had Sang plastered to my front and I knew that the appropriate hug time had come and gone, but fuck social rules. I needed to feel my Trouble right now. Needed to reassure myself that she was okay. Needed her arms around me and her hot breath in my ear to let me know that I still meant something to her. I had barely seen her since the party and I had missed her.

It had been DAYS since she had told me that she loved me and I had admitted my own crazy intense feelings for her. Days, and I was not okay with the fact that we hadn't had any alone time together. I wasn't jealous that she had feelings for the other guys, but I was fucking terrified that she would forget me once she got truly wrapped up with everyone else.

Thankfully, Sang didn't seem to mind me clinging to her like some sort of possessive fucking monkey.

"Hey, are you okay Meanie?" Sang whispered without trying to push away from my hold.

"No," I told her honestly and felt her stiffen in my arms.

"What? What is it?" She asked and finally pulled away so that she could search my fucking soul with her perfect fucking beautiful green eyes.

"I miss you. We haven't really had a chance to just hang out and talk since you got out of the hospital. I feel like you are always in the center of something and I don't know where my stupid ass fits into any of that," I admitted to her while looking at a spot just above her head. I was a fucking coward like that.

"What do you mean, you don't know where you fit in?" Sang questioned and the genuine concern in her voice gave me the courage to look back into her eyes. She wasn't just brushing off my worry as insignificant. That meant something.

"It's just that you have Luke and North and Silas, and fucking Mr. Blackborne. I will never be able to connect with you like Luke does, or have that alpha bullshit that North does without even trying. I will never be as smart as Victor or Sean. I don't even want to think about Mr. Blackborne. That guy is like James Bond, Sherlock Holmes, and McDreamy all rolled into one. I have known these guys for the majority of my life and no one knows how amazing they are more than me. And while I love them and would fucking die for them, I also know that I can't compete with them," I say and can feel a bead of sweet roll down my back. Nothing like a fucking insecure rant to impress the girl of my dreams.

A look of worry crosses over Sang's face and my stomach flips, and not in a good way. "Why would you have to compete?" She asks in a carefully neutral voice and all of my alarms go off. Nothing ever good comes after a chick sounds like that.

"Uhhhh," I say eloquently because my mind has gone fucking blank.

"I am not some prize that you get to win for being the best," Sang said with heat in her voice when I still didn't answer. "I am not an object that you get to compete over. Is that what you think?"

Mayday! Mayday! Mayday! Time to fucking abort mission.

"No, that isn't what I meant," I tried but she pulled away from me and stepped back until her back was up against the bathroom door.

"What exactly did you mean then?" She countered

"I meant that I am fucking crazy over you and think about you all the fucking time. So much so that I think it might be unhealthy. All day, every day I have to keep myself from dropping everything that I am doing and go find you just because I am literally jonesing to see your fucking breathtaking smile. I have to stop myself from texting you at all hours of the day and the more I think about it the more confused I get about what I could offer an absolutely perfect woman like you. Please just ignore my ass, I am just being an insecure shit and should have just kept my mouth shut," I told her way too quickly because I was starting to panic that I was messing everything up.