Hardest to Lose (Villaraza Series #4)

05 | Attention

05 | Attention

I was young when I realized I wasn't like any other kids who were sure of themselves.

"Oh, my golly wow! Iñara, have you heard? Crush ka raw ni Emil!" a girl classmate of mine excitedly said while stupidly pulling the fabric of my right sleeve, asking me to feel what she felt.

Oh, that Emil guy. Of course, he had a crush on me. He was too obvious. He kept on blushing whenever we would meet at the corridor.

My early academic life was filled with some confessions. Boys came in lines with some fancy flowers and imported chocolates to bribe me to return their feelings. Some girls wished they were me. Few were envious that their crushes were into me.

But I didn't want any of it.

The situation continued as I progressed to high school. Everyone was curious of me. They wanted to know if I was in a relationship, if I was available, or if I was ready for a boyfriend. Nakakatawa. Habang abala sila sa paghahanap ng mga sagot doon, hindi naman ako magkandatuto sa pagtanggap sa kung sino talaga ako na alam kong ikadidismaya ng karamihan sa kanila.

"You sigh too much. Baka maubusan ka ng hangin sa baga."

I looked over my shoulder. Kirby occupied the space next to me. He let out an exaggerated sigh as his eyes marveled over the beauty of the beach in the night.

"Did you enjoy earlier?" he asked cheerfully and sipped his buko juice.

I hummed as I recollected the activities we engaged in.

I had so much fun. The resort had many things to offer and we tried almost all of it. Nakatulog nga ako kanina sa sobrang pagod at kagigising lang ngayon.

"Are you okay?"

Nilingon ko si Kirby na mukhang kanina pa nakamasid sa akin.

I snorted. "No."

"What is it? Tell me."

"It's the same thing."

It took him seconds before he understood what I meant. Naghugis-bilog ang bibig niya sabay tango-tango na agad namang pinabulaanan ng sunod-sunod na pag-iling.

"When are you going to tell them?" he asked after a minute of silence.

Bumuntong-hininga ako at nangalumbaba. "I still don't know."

Ang hirap ituring na iba sa lahat. Iyong kailangan pang ipaglaban hanggang kamatayan ang mga karapatang dapat nakalatag na sa unang paghinga pa lamang. Gusto natin ng pagkakapantay-pantay pero takot tayong intindihin ang panlilimos ng iba.

Mariin ang pagtutol natin sa mga bagay na pinili nating huwag intindihin.

Bakit kaya ganoon, ano?

My parents had always been vocal being against lesbians like me. Ang mga latay sa bawat maanghang nilang salita noon ay hindi pa rin naghihilom sa akin. Paulit-ulit iyong humahapdi na parang nangyari lang kanina.

Kailan ba kami tatanggapin dito nang buong-buo?

Kirby held my shoulder which made me turn to him. "One day, Iñara. Matatanggap din nila."

I smiled weakly and stared at the sand.

Nakakapagod magmakaawa ng pagtanggap.

It was a Sunday and I wanted to unwind. Nagkataong balak mag-beach ng mag-jowa kaya isinama nila ako. Ayoko nga sana dahil baka makaistorbo pa ako. But they insisted so I had no choice.