Hardest to Lose (Villaraza Series #4)

47 | Salita

47 | Salita

____________

I tried to make amends for it. But he told me he needed more time to process what he felt. Kaya wala rin akong kundi ang maghintay.

I wanted to tell him so bad that I didn’t say anything because I respected Sherlyn. It was for her to decide if she wanted to let him know she was back. But when I was reminded how I lied to him so I could meet Sherlyn, nalalanta rin ang tapang ko.

There was no excuse. I did lie. Pero sana intindihin niya rin ang naging sitwasyon ko.

“You seem down.”

Nilingon ko si Xavier na nakapatong ang baba sa mga kamay na nakahawak sa dulo ng golf club. Mukhang kanina pa siya nakamasid sa akin at ngayon lang napilitang magsalita.

I sighed and watched my parents on the golf course. They seemed to be enjoying this getaway. While I was here, trying to pull my shits together.

“I am,” pag-amin ko at naupo sa damuhan.

“Dahil ba kay Markus?”

Hindi ako umimik.

“I still can’t believe you like him. You hated him back then.”

Wala sa sariling napangiti ako. “I guess I got played on by fate.”

“And you’re . . . lesbian. So I thought you would fall for a girl. Halimbawa kay Faye. I really didn’t think of him out of all people.”

Ilang segundo ko siyang tinitigan bago ako nagsalita, “I’m still a lesbian, Xav. And I love him. Truly.”

It was weird to me how people would brand someone straight after that person fell for the gender they never considered. Although I completely understood how they could say it.

But for me, with Markus, I was just making an exception. I was still as gay as I was before. And just in love.

Napapahiyang tumango siya. “He’s a lucky guy.”

Of course, he was. “Do you still like me?”

Bahagyang nanlaki ang mga mata niya saka siya awkward na tumawa. “B-bakit ka naman nambibigla?”

I sighed and lay on the ground with my arms at the back of my head. “You know, it’s been a while. I have always been frank with you. I cannot control what you feel. But . . . I want you to be happy, Xav.”

“Who the hell told you I’m not happy? And I-I can’t just let go of this feelings like how easy you made it sound to be. I’m alright with you loving that guy. As long as you’re happy, whatever you do and whoever you’re with, I don’t care.”

I turned to him and sweetly smiled to him. His face burned and he immediately looked away.

That felt good to hear.

Tinawag na kami ng parents ko kaya umalis na kami roon. Habang abala sila sa pagkukuwentuhan, panaka-naka naman ang pag-check ko sa cell phone ko. The more I got no message from him, the more my chest ached.