Lost Pages & Forgotten Words

InSANE

While you sit there, where you are, as you are,

You read about me, my poetry, isn't that bizarre?

Something that was in my head, an idea, a thought,

A window into my mind, why I'm so distraught.

You feast of my words, satisfying, filling,

All this time pressuring, drilling.

Wanting more, more, more, craving,

Not letting me quit till my white flags waving.

Now let me tell you my story, tell it true,

While you continue devouring my words, looking right through.

This is me, where I am, as I am,

A story about how nobody gave a damn.

This is me, living, breathing, beating,

No boasting, not competing.

I tried my hardest, physically, mentally,

Devoted my time fundamentally.

Never picking and choosing, just sitting and listening,

All this time, watching bodies eyes glistening.

I looked into their life, they started right through mine,

I cared for them, they had me by the spine.

That's the basics of my story, my tale that never ends,

Believe me when I say the truth I do not bend.

This story continues time after time after time,

No, think completely opposite, this isn't sublime.

Like I said, to them, I was a friendly apparition,

Something to sooth that temporary condition.

I came at their call, their bellow, their howl,

Like wolves in the night, out on the prowl.

They lured me in and used me, for their own precious cares,

Drowning me in tears of their own affairs.

Always crying out, the wolves to the moon,

Thinking I could help them, thinking I was immune.

'Friends' they called themselves, acquaintances at most,

I never made deal of helping them, for me, they couldn't wait to boast.

A good deed they believe they'd done, returned the favour,

Well guess what, till you've been me, you haven't tasted this flavour.

The flavour of bitterness and sourness, being left alone,

Hurtfulness that attacks at you, right down to the bone.

'Cause that's how much I cared, that's just how much I gave a shit,

But did I ever admit how they made me feel, that I never came to admit.

I just closed it down, sealed like a bank,

Always repeating my phrase, "Oh me? No need to thank!

I'll always be here, right here, no where more,

For you, I'd fight to the core!"

Bullshit, fucking bullshit, I take it all back,

Haha, at that comment, a laugh I must crack.

You're getting the imagine right?

The boy who cares to much, always the beacon of light.

For people who don't matter, but sticks out of the fight,

Time and time again, such a delight.

Now I am where I am, right here, right now,

Trying to stop my head and my heart have another row.

My own life's fucked and now no ones there,

All those that said they would, nope, now I'm left bare.

I have problems, troubles, things that I can't stand,

Decisions I must make, alone, ain't that grand.

Torn between head, heart, love and lust,

My life, the person I am, slowly crumbles to dust.

This poem that I write, it's words on a screen,

Does it even set the scene?

Is it pointless, worthless, a waste of my time?

If it's a release for me, to write down these words, is it such a crime?

But now I realise, realise the truth,

That this is a silly illusion created by my youth.

Will any of this matter in ten years, twenty years?

I don't know, for now, I have to take it as it appears.

While you sit there, where you are, as you are,

I'm sitting here, where I am, as I am,

You read about me, my poetry, isn't that bizarre?

I'm reading about me, my poetry, wham.

Something that was in my head, an idea, a thought,

Something that is from my head, is my idea, is my thought,

A window into my mind, why I'm so distraught.

I'm talking to myself, all this time... Insane I've gone, now I've caught.

Devour me, devour me whole,

Tear apart these words.

Empower my entire being,

Glare into my mind and never return.

Now I sleep.