Pulled Back

Chapter 8

"Thanks Mathew" Bianca smiled sadly towards him "How much do I owe you?"

Bianca made money off of the allowance her mother and father sent her, waiting on Mathews answer she looked up as she never got one, Mathew staring around the neighborhood.

Bianca could see Mrs.Lang peeking out of her window directly at her and Mathew, observing the large man covered in tattoos and piercings Mathew was actually kind of intimidating. He gave off prison or con man vibes.

Rolling her eyes Bianca slapped Mathews arm getting his attention.

"What?" He asked confused

"How much do I owe you-"

"On the house, don't worry about it Bianca but seriously you look like you haven't slept in days and your-"

"Don't lecture me about my problems, their mine for a reason and if I wanted your input I would ask" Bianca snapped at him

She felt so done with everyone telling her what she should or shouldn't be doing, her health wasn't a matter for them. If they opened their eyes they would see that not even she cared about her health, she wasn't going to listen to them.

"Did you get me the list of addresses or not, I'll call someone else more willing if you aren't going to give me a supplier" she held out her hands and he shook his head while digging a piece of paper out of his pocket, placing it in Bianca's hand with an annoyed look.

"Be careful Bianca, your going to hurt yourself-"

"I don't really care Mathew, thank you for your concern but I don't even care so you shouldn't either" she push the door close but it bounces back open

Mathew popping his head in with a hesitant look.

"Bianca, just remember to lock up, Julian's been more out it then usual and I don't want you to get hurt"

"Thanks for the warning" she nodded to him, her body taking over as she opened the door wider and hugged him.

Mathew was taken by surprise, slowly hugging her back, her body tight in his arms he could feel every bone and curve in her chest and back, frowning he stayed in that hug until she pulled away from him.

Taking her time to really appreciate what he's done for her, how he takes it upon himself to help her, stand up for her, defend her against his best friend.

Watching as Mathew closes the door softly, listening for his car to start up and drive away. Opening the pill bottle Bianca swallowed a few before sitting down on the couch, staring at the tv for a while. The tv was off so really she was just staring at her reflection. She could remembered when she was like a hundred and thirty pounds, now it just looked like she was bone, her arms were weightless, they resembled a twig and her stomach was beyond flat, it looked as if she was sucking it in all day with the way you could see her ribs.

Looking at herself compared to all the family photos around the house she felt so much more different, yes she looked an unhealthy type of skinny but she just wasn't hungry. Bianca actually couldn't remember the last time she ate an actual meal, she remembered the single pizza or maybe it was the  chicken drumstick from two days back but eating wasn't a daily routine.

She felt tired after the restless night but just couldn't fall asleep, it made no sense to her.

She didn't even know what to do with herself, she didn't want to do anything, she was there but she didn't want to be and sometimes she felt like she wasn't. You ever get that feeling where you don't want to die but you just don't want to be alive anymore, you just wish you never came to exist in the world.

Maybe it made sense or maybe it didn't, it made sense to her.

What was she even supposed to do she thought, what was she supposed to do with herself, she was just wondering if she would even make it that far in life. A new day was the future but everyday was like temptation, you want to do something, you want to get up but something was just holding you down. Bianca sometimes thought that she just didn't want to wake up, that death would be easier and if she died during her sleep then everything would make it easier for her.

A knock came to the front door and she stood to answer it, slowly walking to the door and opening it Bianca hid her body behind the door, thinking about everyone who kept telling her she was too skinny or how she was unhealthy, looked malnourished.

"Hello Mrs.Lang" Bianca greeted trying to keep back the groan that sat at the back of her throat, thanking whatever god watching over her that she laid foundation on her face.

"Hello Bianca, is your mother home?" She asked with a friendly smile but Bianca knew Mrs.Lang was just going to say something to her mom about her.

"No, sorry" she shrug

"Oh okay, well then I just want to ask you to keep it down today, my in laws are coming over today and I wouldn't want them to think... lowly. Of the neighborhood" Bianca smiled and nod even though she could care less "Say aren't you supposed to be at school?"

"I'm not feeling well today" she lie and nod towards Mrs.Lang "But you have a great day, I should get back to bed"

Mrs.Lang gave Bianca a suspicious look but Bianca could care less about the looks that old lady gave her, closing the door and walking to her room.

She plop down on the bed after placing the pill bottle on the dresser, she needed some sleep and sleeping pills were the only thing that could really help with that problem.

Why was everyone always in her business she though.

Lang was just a straight up Karen, she could hide it fairly well though and who was Jake to stop selling to her.

Bianca paced angrily, why was Jake such an asshole, the nerve, Mathew on the other hand was just feeling guilty of how his best friend treated Bianca. The names, numbers and addresses of those new possible suppliers replaced Julian on Bianca's mirror, she had nothing at the moment but she felt sleep was needed.

That day had felt so irrelevant to her, there was nothing she did or planned on doing other then trying to catch up on sleep, she hadn't done that in a while and she was just constantly feeling tired, you would think she would knock out at any second but she never did just randomly fall asleep.

She lay in bed looking up at the ceiling, she hated staring at the walls and waiting for the sleeping pills to kick in, she was jealous of people who could fall asleep the moment there heads hit a pillow, that was a whole talent she wished for.