Pulled Back

Chapter 16

Zeke parked my car by the curb in front of my house and got out quickly, Jake stopping in the middle of the street to let me out but he didn't turn to look at me not once as I got out, Zeke replacing me in the car and with a small wave from Zeke, Jake took off.

I slowly turned around. Standing on the sidewalk and looking up at my childhood home, remember every detail and the memories we had there on the grass. The old porch swing, dad teaching me how to ride a bike in the driveway while Andy rode circles around me sticking tongue, sitting on the steps and waiting for the school bus. Looking at the house broke my heart now, the traces of a child or family erased, now it looked dull, bland and boring.

Even Mrs.Lang had her flowers.

Walking across the lawn and opening the front door I turn nervous and didn't know what to expect, what if my parents were here, what if they weren't though. I didn't know if I wanted them to be here not.

It was quiet when I walked into the house, the creaking of the door being the only sound, my doubts on anyone being here arose. Traveling down the hall I turned to the kitchen grabbing a pop tart, and walking to the stairs but then I saw the living room. And I smiled as I see my family sat asleep, my mother lay there with my brother leaning onto her shoulder and my dad on her other side.

My body froze up and I couldn't believe, a delusion was the only conclusion I came to, impossible.

Seeing that broke me down a little, I hadn't seen them in the same room in years. I knew they would never be together again though, slowly backing away to the stairs I run up to my room. Opening the drawer to a stand in the hallway full of decoration, anxiety creeping around as I push the door open.

I knew if my mom saw tho she would clean it and I was eternally hoping it was still a trashed mess just so I could know that no one was in there. The gods answered my prayers this time, the room was still a massive wreck.

I close the door behind me. Grabbing a basket in the corner and slowly picking up clothes, quietly throwing rubbish into my trash bin. Grabbing the lighters, rolling paper, anything that would get me in trouble and putting it into my desk drawer, throwing feminine hygiene products right over it all.

I still had clothes everywhere, bottles, cans, bags, shoes, books, papers, boxes, a lot of stuff that I didn't even know I had. It looked like a depressed person room, my mental health wasn't its best right now and I would say that my room clearly represented my train of thought.

I started to cry then, leaning my head back against the dresser and starring at the window.

I turn my head slightly as the door handle twisted, Andy and Leslie's heads popped in and looked down, right at me.

"Bianca" Andy sighed in relief hugging my body "You're okay, please tell me your okay, where were you?"

At that moment I felt like I froze up, well at least my voice did, he pulled away and I looked up at him making eye contact but then my head just turned away, I felt down, way too deep down and something just stopped me from answering. It felt like everything in me stopped, like I lost something right then and I had no reaction to give.

"Bianca" Leslie grabbed my face trying to get me to talk to her "Bianca can you say something to me, please... Bianca"

"Leslie go get my parents," Andy told Leslie and she nodded leaving hesitantly

He crawled a little in front of me and sat directly across, reaching out he grabbed my hands and frowned when I flinched. My eyelids hung low blocking a lot of my view.

"Bianca where did you go after? Why didn't you tell one of us things were bad" I watch Andy closely even though it didn't look like I was, he snapped "WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME!"

I watched my brother do the only thing I've been doing for the past months, break down and cry. The hurt was clear in his voice, an aching pain for not protecting me from the world like he always had before. He was always distant but never went too far away.

"Why didn't you call me" he sobbed in front of me, his head falling and slumping down. The look on his face was one I registered easily, guilt consumed, and I wanted to tell him that it wasn't his fault, that he shouldn't have to take breaks from living his life to check on his little sister.

He cried because he was hurt, I hurt him, why did I have to hurt him. Inside I began to beat myself up about it, I was yelling at myself, screaming, why did I do that, why did I have to do that to him.

His body hunched over and slowly his head fell into my lap, his hands around my torso as he cried, not for himself but for me.

Why was I a bad person, I thought to myself.

The door opened again and I was engulfed by two more people, my mother, and father sat next to each other, rocking my body and rubbing Andy's back soothingly but I felt numb on the outside. I couldn't even smile at the fact we were all together and in the same room or that they cared for me.

They cared for me... Maybe for now but what about when they hear the things that I've been doing, then I was going to be the disappointment, I didn't want to be that though but how was I supposed to act like everything was all good, I can't pretend to be perfect. My mothers reputation at stake.

I'm not perfect, I'm not even worth anything, especially not this family.

"Bianca what happened to you?" my mother asked pulling away

"She won't talk" he said lifting his head while whipping the tears away from his eyes and face.

"Bianca can you please say something to us baby," my father says pushing my hair out of my face.

I turn my head slowly and blink, leaning my head into his shoulder "I'm sorry"

"No sweetie, we're sorry, we're so sorry we left you here alone and never even checked in on you, I'm sorry I wasn't home to help you"

I deserved it, I deserved everything Julian did to me because i was dumb, it was my fault, all of this was my fault.

"I'm sorry" I repeated, my body shook as I started to cry, like really cry, making myself a sobbing ugly mess "I'm sorry"

"It's okay baby, everything will be okay, we're right here" my mom whispered into my ear "Baby you need to tell us who that was, what is his name, and if you know where he is"

On the cameras, only people who knew me and Julian knew it was him but right now all they had was a the back of a blonde head, as of right now anyone with the same hair color and matching clothes style was a suspect. I know I should probably turn Julian in, I would have most of the people he knew on my side but he knew things about me that I didn't need anyone else to know, yeah I'm scared to disappoint my parents, so what.

Everyone is scared of disappointing the people who raised them, I've done illegal things too and if I'm the one who turns him in he'll talk. I can't have that.

Everything was so screwed up.

"I don't know" I murmur

They nod and my father kissed my head "We need to take you to a hospital, get you checked up, make sure nothing is wrong"

I did nothing but nod back, I could see the way they eye the room though, the bright side is I know they won't make me clean it and I'm sure I picked up everything that needed to be hidden.

But right now I was just trying to see a bright side, that's all I wanted.