Pulled Back

Chapter 10

"Bianca can we please talk" Julian begged over the phone "I miss you, I'm so sorry, I know I fucked up big time but please-"

"Quit calling me!" I groan "Just leave me alone, I don't want to talk to you, you piece of shit, your such a pathetic asshole"

He scoffed and I just knew this was going to be a whole fight "I'm pathetic? You're just as fucking pathetic you dull dirty bitch" he immediately insulted me.

"Fuck you" I scoff "Your such a lousy- evil fucker Julian"

"Really, you think so? You were always on this evil fuckers dick you low bitch" he replied back

I shook my head trying to get rid of his words from my brain but it didn't leave and all I felt like I could do was insult him back. The insult wasn't much to some but it was enough for me.

"You're a loser, what dick are you referring to? you inconsiderate, manipulative, lazy, and retarted perve"

"You used to love sucking my pervy dick you attention seeking whore, remember how you enjoyed all those words, those nasty no good words that would just turn you on bitch"

I felt side blinded after that sentence, my mouth just closed and I had no idea what to say back because of everything swimming in my head, all the memories that made it all true. I was a disgusting and shameless whore, the way I acted with him was horrible and gross. He was twenty-three or four for christ's sake. Tears welled in my eyes as I stopped pacing in my living room, he made me mad but I just couldn't move now.

"Nothing else to say now? You're fucking weak Bianca, you wonder why I cheated on you, it's because your stupid, you can't do shit, your fat and annoying, worthless honestly, your just like every other girl, you think you're not easy to replace cause you are, next time I'll find someone who can do things right"

I hold back more then just welling tears, a choked sob at the pit of my throat as he hangs up, throwing the phone across the room at the wall and watching it bounce off and fall to the floor, the glass cracked into hundreds of little pieces and I just left it there.

I fell to the floor and again it started to happen, things got farther away, that faint dizzy feeling, tingling in my body, it felt intense and uncomfortable, my chest stung and felt like it was squeezing the life out of me while my breaths were erratic and difficult to control. I try to stay calm, I tried to get back in control of myself but nothing.

My body shook, increasing the feeling of fear that shot through my body.

I didn't know what to do, I rolled myself into a ball, and chills came running up my spine with everything Julian had just said still in my head, the old comments tumbling in as I overthink and assist myself into believing every word he had said. I felt scared of what was happening to my body and what was happening in my mind. His words felt true and repeated on and on in my brain, the more I thought the more I felt triggered.

I breathed in and out, trying to reel back in my composure, slowly and with difficulty I start to feel fine, a few cold sweats left but then anger replaced it and I was rushing for my keys.

Opening my front door I come face to face with Leslie and Vanessa and that anger slipped away from me and was replaced with anxiety.

"Hey," they say sadly holding out some papers "You weren't in school and some teachers asked us to bring this to you"

I knew nothing of what to say "thanks" I nod grabbing it.

With them standing in front of me, a feeling of just straight depression washed over me.

"We were going to the mall... Do you want to join?"

I stare at Leslie, a thick knot stuck in my throat, I nod no "I was just leaving, maybe another time" I lock the door behind me and rush to my car pass them.

I needed to see Julian, to smash his face in with something, that degrading, bunny teeth, flaky, idiot. There were tire marks left on the driveway as I drove out.

I drove like a maniac on the road, taking turns like I was drifting in a game or the movies, it felt freeing up until I almost smashed and span out into a tree. Then I realized that I needed something to calm my nerves and I had nothing. How amazing.

I was nervous, I don't know why but I just was, I didn't park at the bottom of the street like always, I pulled up right in front and reached into the back seat for my baseball bat. Walking to the front door and walking right into the empty living room. I walk upstairs into Julian's room and he looked at me with a stupid look.

I was happy that I didn't walk in on him having sex again, not because of my feeling but because I didn't want to see a naked girl.

I raised the bat and he raised a lamp, the cord falling out from the socket in the wall.

"What? Came down here to show how slutty you are, you know you'll just end up fucking me tonight, you always do because you're a needy whore Bianca"

"Fuck you!" I curse and throw the whole bat at him, running at him he caught me on the side of my head with his hands, hard.

Throwing me to the floor off of him, his body following close behind as I grab hold of his hair on my way down, he ignored the pulling and held my head to the floor, my cheek pressed onto the carpet. I let go of his hair, reaching for the bat and swinging it upwards towards his face. His groaning bringing me some satisfaction.

Rolling over I glare at him, bringing my feet up so I could kick his back, his face colliding with the wall and his body fell to the floor. I seized this moment to crawl up to his body and punch a bit out of his face, listening to the groan he gave before he whipped around and shoving me back. My head slamming into the dresser against the other wall, his big gorilla feet kicking my chest.

I sat there feeling dizzy, he sat up starting at me but he didn't have that fire in his eyes anymore, it was a look of surrender. If there is a look for that, he simply crawled over the small distance and sat next to me, leaning against the dresser.

I sighted and leaned my head against his shoulder, It was weird and people wouldn't understand it but yeah.

"Something is very wrong with us Julian" he hummed in agreement.

He reached up and grabbing this old lunch box, placing it on his lap and opening the little latch he passed me the lighter inside, slowly bringing out the crack pipe.

"Sorry about your face," he said

"No, you are not" I shook my head "I know I'm not sorry about yours"

"I love you, you know that Bianca"

"Don't say some shit like that to me right now, stop lying all the time and treating me like shit, I'm so sick of that"

"What do you want me to do" I turned to look at him as he frowned "I'm sorry, I'll make it up to you"

"If you want to make something up to me then get me something" he knew exactly what I was talking about and I didn't believe a word he said or care about what he said. Taking the pipe from his hand and filling it myself.

I just needed something to smoke.