Pulled Back

Chapter 23

I had to be quick as I half ran towards the local library where I told my grandmother I'd be, wiping at my nose as I felt the little bits of coke still stuck to it. Julian had dropped me off on the corner of Orange street, a neighborhood that was basically deserted after fourteen year old Sylvia Aletta committed suicide, the residence fleeing the area quickly. I was in the fifth grade, Sylvia's sister Gracie was one of my best friends, I could remember sleeping over that night, our parents thought maybe it would help Grace if she had a friends but it didn't, I woke up to Gracie crying and screaming for her sister, her family moved away a week later.

To think Sylvia was younger then me yet we shared a similar mindset, she was always closed off and pushing people away when they got too deep into her business. I wonder how my brother would take my death if I chose to pull a Sylvia, hang myself from the ceiling fan to rot until someone had finally noticed my absence.

How fucking easy it would be to just stop breathing and move on from this shitty world.

If only I had the strength to do it.

I slow down as I almost slam into the doors, pushing them open and walking to an empty chair. I had went to school three days out of this week, the other two spent with Julian. I was seeing why I had fell so head over heals for him, he could be amazing and these two days and the little we've texted, he's been nothing other then amazing.

I got a text just as I caught my breath, I'm outside my grandmothers text read and I stood quickly, trying not to sway as the coke registered in my mind.

I did something that shocked my grandmother, I got in the car with a smile and kissed her cheek.

"Why don't you look happy" grandma commented, her lower lip pushing out in a happy pouting look.

"Today was a good day" I nod, reaching forwards and turning up the volume to the radio "How was your day grandma?"

"Why it was perfectly fine, thank you for asking. What do you say we go out for dinner, we could go to a nice restaurant-"

"I was thinking something more simple, a drive thru is perfectly fine grandma" grandma nodded with excitement.

The hour went by but at some point when she was talking, I sobered up and like I couldn't control my face it just dropped, slowly fixing into the frown I wore now. She signed when she noticed, I'm sorry grandma, I'm sorry I've disappointed you again, I'm sorry I've crushed the hope you seem to have, I'm sorry that you got stuck with me.

The car ride home wasn't the present one to the little local diner, it was quiet, the radio was off, neither of us spoke. She stared at me like she wanted me to say something, I hated that I made her hate starting conversations, I hated that I couldn't find my words, I hated myself right now for making her quiet. Soon she would look like me, she was so close, almost to that pale, dark, dull look.

"Goodnight love" she kissed my head, parting from me when we stepped into the house. I could feel my face twitching, I sucked the fun and sweet parts of my grandmother out of her.

It was my fault, it was always my fault, it was his fault too, for getting involved with me and never letting me go before I got attached. I go to the garage, grandma took sleeping pills during the night and she was the kind of person who could fall asleep as soon as she lays down.

I felt my body getting fueled up, anger, hatred, rage.

I couldn't stop my movements.

3rd POV:

Bianca got into her fathers car, driving out of the garage and away from the home, the phone in her hand as she dialed Julian's number and out on her nice voice.