tw self harm and suicide hinting. i say just skip this whole chapter 😭
maybe we should just try..to tell ourselves a good lie. i didnt mean to make you cry.
no ones pov
after the screams and tears of joy coming from the girls friends billie and liyah left to their hotel. they fed each other strawberries and took a bunch of goofy pics they would never be able to post. liyah thought she was doing amazing at covering up her hurt but billie could see right through it. she could see the look in liyahs eyes that she once had 5 years ago. billie decided to ignore it but it only made her even more suspicious when liyah refused to take a shower with her, take her hoodie off, etc.
this turned into an argument. billie just wanted to help and liyah knew that. she was grown though. capable of taking care of herself. she wasnt hurting anyone else so why wouldn't billie leave the situation alone? why did billie want to protect her? to care for her? to love her?
liyah reached for the door handle to leave the hotel and billie made the horrible mistake of grabbing her wrist. the wrist that was just recently dripping in blood. the wrist that couldnt be covered by layers of perfectly matched foundation.
liyahs pov
fuck fuck fuck fuck.
"baby oh my god did i hurt you?" billie rushes to say after she sees me wince. i open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out. its like i ran out of words. my heartbeat feels stronger, as if it's vibrating my whole body with every thump. i can hear the blood rushing through my veins. i can feel my lungs expand and contract.
next thing you know im on the floor. i cant tell if im crying. i dont feel tears? my sight isnt the only thing thats blurry. my hearing is too. i can just barely see billies mouth moving, im sure shes asking if im okay - but everytime she opens her mouth a large shrieking sound erupts in my brain.
i feel nothing. no pain no emotions. i cant do anything but sit as i let the black creep into every cavity in my body. i was fully willing to let it take over my body but soft lips press to my forehead and everything starts to move in reverse. first comes my sight as i see the beautiful green rooted girl crouched infront of me. then my hearing. "baby breathe its okay. you're okay" billie says.
i let her words repeat in my head as i feel the lingering darkness creep away. slowly. i feel it in my fingertips until soon its sinking into the ground. i feel very content after my little panic attack. billies holding me but i know she wont let it go. i didn't even realize she removed my jacket until a cold breeze swept through the room causing me to shiver. i look at my exposed wrist and slam it down into my lap.
"what did you do to yourself liyah?"
no ones pov (gonna be switching alot lol)
liyah didnt think it was that serious. the least she could do for billie was explain her unexplainable addiction, the least billie could do was listen and support. liyah explained her actions while billie traced little words and shapes onto the girls lined wrist. billie understood. too well. she was calm on the outside but panicky on the inside. she knows this was her fault even if liyah wouldn't admit it. that was enough to send billie over the edge. her eyes went darker but liyah was too exhausted to notice.
once liyah was in a deep sleep billie immediately rushed to the mini fridge downing a whole bottle of honey whiskey. the burn from the liquor didnt help with the fire that was growing in billie. taking one last look at the sleeping girl billie got up and right out the door she went.
billie liked to think that maybe in an alternate universe she would be a mountain. sitting somewhere cool and quiet, while the cars looked like ants and air planes looked like birds. as a mountain she wouldn't be able to hurt anyone, or hurt anymore. her worries would fade.
no work, no bills, no fans, no love. simply just satisfaction. maybe it would be loud and windy or maybe it would be quiet and calm. maybe she would reincarnate into one! only one way to find out right?
truth be told (but never to be spoken) billie honestly thought that she would be dead by now. sitting happily in a casket with her name engraved into a rock, but she grew a fanbase. most importantly she grew a family, there were too many people that loved her and that was enough to pull her short ass out the deep end. it was enough...until aliyah stumbled into her life.
billies whole life was surrounded by liyah. billie couldnt stand the thought of hurting liyah but she also couldnt stand the thought of seeing her favorite girl with anyone else. it overwhelmed her. it overwhelmed her so much that it clouded her vision leaving billie confused as to how she stumbled up the hotels fire escape and was now dangling her feet off the edge of the building.
looking down at passing cars, this was one of those moments billie definitely felt like a mountain. she was high up looking at the concrete under her feet. theres nothing you could do or say that could force her out of this moment. out of this state of quiet.
billie felt a small smile creep onto her face. she was so smart this plan was perfect. whats the point in lingering when all you do is cause trouble?
"billie?"
