The Perfect Unplanned

16-Pain in my Heart

I was wearing a white below the knee sleeveless dress.

I looked so damn pretty in that dress na binili ni Wena para sa okasyong iyon.

 "Why should I dress this well, Wena, Didn't I suppose to bury the only woman in my life today?" I said sadly to her.

Halos pati pagbihis ko ay inalalayan niya ako.

I knew Wena was always there for me.

I heard her sighed. "You'll get by, Sheloh. I can't measure the pain you were going through this time, but you know, I'll always be here for you. Even all of us in La Marsha. Not because you're the boss but it is because we cared for you."

I let out deep breaths and nod a little to her. She's right.

"There are things that have to be done, no matter how painful it is."

I shook my head, "pero napakasakit, Wena" I said between sobs. "Bakit kailangang pagdaanan ko ang lahat ng 'to?"

She hugged me tightly and rubbed my back, "I know, I know. You have to be strong. Kailangan mong gawin 'to."

Marahan akong tumango at pinahid ang mumunting luhang naglandas sa aking pisngi.

"Go, dress up now."

I stood at the podium. Facing the crowd that I couldn't look straight at.

A few crowds.

I felt my hands trembling when I grabbed the microphone.

I saw faces of the few people who I and my mother encountered along the way.

There was Ethan, his mom and our dad.

Palaging nasa tabi ko ang kapatid ko mula pa noong wake ng mama. Ito ang personal na nag-aasikaso ng mga kailangan.

Palagi ring naroon ang daddy namin na nakaupo lang sa tabi kasama ng mom ni Ethan. Hindi man kami nag-uusap na mag-ama sa lamay ng mama ay nakikita ko ang lungkot sa mga mata niya.

I felt his sadness too... somehow. I don't know.

Ethan's mom, condoled me nang lumapit ito sa akin kasama ng kapatid ko during the wake.

I even saw Mark and Luc.

Palagi ring naroon si Luc simula pa noong unang lamay ng mama na kahit pa alam kong pagod na pagod ito ay dumiretso pa rin ito doon at pilit akong pinapakain.

I smiled bitterly,  talagang mahusay magtago ng sikreto ang ama ko dahil wala kahit isang taga press ang naroon gayong halos lahat ng mga bagay na may kinalaman sa kanya ay nalalaman ng publiko, but not us.

We still have the privacy that I and my mother needed.

Maging ang nangyari sa Complex kamakailan ay nagawan ng paraan ni Ethan na hindi ako masali sa usapan tungkol kina Luc. He must paid handsome amount para doon.

My brother has my back all the time and I love him so dearly.

Si Ethan lang ang sa pagkakaalam ng publiko na anak ng daddy namin.

"Today...," mahinang umpisa ko na sa kawalan tumingin. "Today I will bury the only woman in my life, my best friend... and my mom. My mother who was soft and kind hearted. Who taught me to forgive all the people who wronged us..., to accept whatever life has to bring to us."

 Tumingin ako sa unahan at nagpatuloy, "to accept all of it, with all of our hearts no matter how painful it is. Who taught me to face trials for the sake of the people who needed us. Na kahit na nasaktan ay pinili paring magpatawad. My mother who never corrected anyone kahit na mali ang paniniwala sa kanya."