I was over him. I hated him and I was fine with that. He had texted but I blocked him on everything. He was out of my life. For good.
The first night I got home was difficult. I won't lie. I cried for hours. At first the hatred took over the misery I felt but as soon as i got home it just seemed to come all out. I didn't want to cry. I wouldn't let him have that power over me. He was the past, we were in the past and that was that.
Sometimes I would go on walks. I liked to be alone with my thoughts. Tonight I was taking a walk around London. It was dark and the city was lit by the city lamp posts and street lights. Strolling down the streets for hours felt so therapeutic. I was in my own world and I loved it. I was alone with my thoughts. I could only think clearly alone.
I was alone walking down the bridge over the Thames. Yes that bridge. Where it all started. Where he kissed me. I think how sometimes my life could have been so much easier if he hadn't of bumped into me in Millie's house. I stopped and bent over the rail to see the water. The butterflies that were once created on this railing here had now died. The love was gone. Dead.
I let go of the railing and carried on walking down the bridge.
A tall boy was resting his arms on the railing, bending over it slightly. His brown fluffy fringe poked out of his hoodie hood. He seemed familiar. I took a few steps closer too the hidden figure. Louis. I didn't know if I had the strength to even walk past him. We had been so distant recently. He was trying to protect me and i didn't listen. This could have all been prevented if i had just listened to him.
I couldn't do it. I turned back around and started to walk away. After walking a few paces a sudden wave of courage rushed into me, I stopped and turned around.
Y: "You were right."
He looked back down.
Y: "You were right Louis."
I paused.
Y: " He kissed another girl."
No response.
Y: "I should have listened to you but instead I didn't and argued with you. I understand now that you weren't trying to hurt me you were trying to protect me. I just wouldn't let you be right, even if i knew it deep down, you couldn't be right. I loved him and if you were right that meant that all that was nothing to him, and i just wouldn't accept that. It frustrates me how you're always right. I should've listened to you."
He continued to look at the water.
I was annoyed that he wasn't saying anything but i thought it would be best to not continue our argument.
Y: "That's all i wanted to say."
I started to walk away.
Y: "I'm also sorry about you and Emily."
Nothing. I wanted him to say something. Reluctantly, I turned and started walking away from him.
L: "Why did you lie?"
I turned towards him.
Y: "Lie about what?"
L: "Don't play dumb y/n"
Y: "I'm not playing dumb."
He sighed. He still hadn't looked at me yet.
L: "When i said how i felt about you, why did you deny how you felt?"
I stood confused.
He sarcastically laughed.
L: "Out of all the times you have had plenty to say you choose not to speak now."
Y: "It was wrong Louis. You had a girlfriend and I had Will. It just wasn't right."
He turned to look at me.
L: "Well I don't have her any more, do i."
I felt like he was making out to be my fault.
L: "I'm gonna ask you the same question again. Do you have feelings for me or not?"
I froze. I couldn't get the words out.
L: "Tell me y/n!"
Y: "I don't know. This is all so sudden and i just don't kn-"
L: "No, I'm done with you being unsure."
His arms and body pushed themselves away from the bridge rail. He turned and strode over to me. He grabbed my cheek with his left hand and guided my head up to his. He leaned forward. And he's kissing me. Once, twice, until I've had a taste and realise I'll never have enough. It stole my breath and gave it back. It showed me that every other kiss I've had in my life had been wrong.
I pulled away. I was shocked. Nothing else mattered but him. I locked eyes with him and pulled him back in. Everything felt right, like nothing had made sense before but now it was finally making sense. It was him. It had always been him. Not Will. It was always Louis and i was too blind to see it.
