𝗺𝗰𝘆𝘁 𝗼𝗻𝗲𝘀𝗵𝗼𝘁𝘀 [𝘀𝗺𝘂𝘁,𝗳𝗹𝘂𝗳𝗳,𝗮𝗻𝗴𝘀𝘁]

yellow [karlnap] 🖤/💛

DATE WRITTEN: april 29, 2021
DATE FINISHED: june 6, 2021

loosely based on the song: yellow, by coldplay

tw: eating disorders [specifically anorexia] (i can hear you guys already; uGh aGaIn? like yes, i'm sad ok)

-this one is more of the recovery process than the ed itself like my last one

-edit: this was written before all the news spread about karl not eating; this was not written about him in particular to his situation i personally believe that we should mind our fucking business and stop spamming his chat with 'EAT'. it's insensitive and triggering. that's like spamming someone's chat that self harms to 'show your wrist' like stop.

———

at first, sapnap didn't seem to notice.

'i'll have just a salad please'
'i'm going to go for a run sap!'
'oh i just ate'

then it was more concerning

'is it possible i can have the salad with no dressing please? so like just lettuce'
'oh, the gum? i don't know i just like the flavor'
'i just like the baggy sweaters better'

and finally, it was just; simple

'i'll just take a water'
'i don't know why i feel so cold it's so hot outside'
'can we sit for a second i feel a little dizzy'

karl wasn't a stupid person. he knew that sapnap would be absolutely ashamed of him for what he was doing to himself, he would probably just laugh.

He also knew that to lose weight, he needed to do this. This was the only way to be happy.

that the coldness he felt on his body would pass and his hair would stop thinning so fast.

the paleness of his skin and his dry voice and brittle nails would be worth it.
and the countless times he would simply pass out from simple tasks and the random bruises he would get would eventually make him happy in life.

but the thing was...he was never satisfied.

the weight he was at was never low enough.

his body was never thin enough.

so, he did what any logical person would do in this situation, he continued.

he continued to put himself in the continued pain of doing everything he could to get the absolute thinnest he could be.

and it was going good until sapnap finally said something to his lover...

"look at the stars, they're so pretty" sapnap whispered as he gazed up into the beautiful night sky, with his lover by his side.

him and karl were laying in their backyard, the cool grass against the sweaters they wore and the slight breeze that gently blew.

karl laid right next to him, "yeah they are very pretty, aren't they," he turned his head to look at sapnap as the other did the same.

and there, they gazed into each other's eyes. dark brown to light gray.

"karl... i know what you've been doing" sapnap whispered.

tears automatically filled karl's eyes threatening to fall. he knew exactly what sap was talking about. the other had been dropping hints that he knew all week.

karl tried to speak but nothing would come out.

"it's okay love, may i ask why you're doing it?" sapnap turned to his side to get a better look at the other.

karl turned on his side as well, nuzzling his side into the grass, "to turn into something beautiful," he whispered as a tear ran down his face.

tears now threatened sapnaps eyes, "karl, you know, you know i love you so much right?"

karl nodded as sap pulled him into his chest and let the other sob softly.

he knew that now that sapnap was definitely aware that he had been starving himself, that he would force him into recovery.

the thing is...karl didn't want to 'recover'

———

it was now the next day and the couple sat at the island in the middle of the kitchen.

karl had a plate with a simple turkey and cheese sandwich on it; with wheat bread per karl's request.

they had talked about karl's eating disorder all last night. He would only allow himself to have under 500 calories a day and exercise whenever he got the chance.

that it has been happening for a couple of months now.

now came the hard part; the recovery

karl stared down at the food with tears dropping. he hadn't even noticed that he started sobbing just at the sight of food.

sapnap had yet to even say anything but his heart broke at the sight of his distressed lover.

karl told sap that he thought the other would be disappointed in him for doing this to himself.

the only person sapnap felt disappointed in, was himself, for letting karl get this bad. for not seeing the signs quick enough.

the younger sighed as got up from his chair and came back with a glass of water for karl and an extra plate and knife.

karl happily accepted the water; drinking it as he hiccuped over his cries.

sapnap took karl's plate and sliced the sandwich in half, putting the other half on his own plate he then moved karl's stool so that they were facing each other.

"how about, we take our first bite together? how does that sound?" sapnap said softly, picking up his half of the sandwich.

karl nodded slowly as he also picked up his half but hesitated, "nick..i can't" he whispered.

"yes karl, yes you can. you are a very strong person and you deserve food" sap said reassuringly.

"no i don't, i'm fat and ugly and the only thing i need to do, is doing work out" karl stated as he hung his head low.

"karl look at me" sapnap said as the other moved his head up to look at sap, "you're skin and bones, do you know that karl?"

"but, i can be skinner" karl whispered, he just wasn't grasping onto it anymore.
sapnap sighed in defeat. he was aware that he couldn't shove the food down karl's throat, but this was more than a simple, 'please eat'.

karl was so deep in, his mind was completely altered to believe the horrible thoughts he created.

the younger ran his hand over his face and propped his elbow on the island, "how about, you go upstairs and lay down for a little to calm down, and we will try again in an hour okay?"

karl only nodded as he stood up and left to go upstairs.

sapnap didn't know what to do, karl was so deep in.

——

an hour later, sapnap was laying on the couch, passed out from exhaustion.

he was woken up by a gentle nudge of the shoulder. from none other then his beautiful lover, karl.

sapnaps eyes opened slowly, to reveal nothing other than the gray eye boy holding up a plate with only an half of sandwich crust on it.

sapnap's eyes lit up at the sight of his lover with a proud smile on for eating his food.

"karl!" he shouted of laughter jumping up to spin the boy around peppering kisses all over his face.

karl giggled like a mess, "i did it, for you" he whispered.

sapnap put down the boy and looked at him in his eyes, "no karl, you did this for yourself, and i'm so incredibly proud of you."

and it was all yellow.