𝗺𝗰𝘆𝘁 𝗼𝗻𝗲𝘀𝗵𝗼𝘁𝘀 [𝘀𝗺𝘂𝘁,𝗳𝗹𝘂𝗳𝗳,𝗮𝗻𝗴𝘀𝘁]

toxic [karlnap] 🖤

thank you @yesyeswastaken for the request!

ima sad, so what do we do? write angst 😝

[this ones kind of confusing but basically, me (the author) is like the conscience of karl and sap.

______

"i just can't do this anymore" karl cried into the palm of his hands as he and his boyfriend sat on the couch.

"can't do what exactly?" sapnap questioned, tears stating to pool in his eyes.

"this...us...it's too much for me right now" the grey eyed boy looked up at the others face which was painted with shock.

the thing is, people always want something wrong to happen in a relationship. that someone has to cheat or be so utterly toxic.

nobody ever talks about when people simply; fall out of love.

the way that the soft kisses they give are no longer the same. the way that cuddling no longer brought you the comfort you wanted.

you could maybe say; right person, wrong time.

or maybe you just grow apart form each other.

you sit in a bridge between two buildings and slowly but surely; it's burning.

all the build up of that relationship ending in nothing but ashes and pain. tears and screams of agony begging to be pushed back into the love you sought.

some people can't fathom being alone. loneliness kills.

"so you just think you can leave? things get hard and you call it quits?! karl what about my feelings? why don't you ever think about my feelings? you always think about yourself!"

manipulation is key in someone's mind.

you always say you aren't toxic but you know damn well when someone gives you the 'wrong' answer you make it right.

you know that you will never be fucking satisfied.

stop. that bullshit is running through your veins.

people leave.

people change.

deal with it.

"i've been here this whole time for you! i'm tired! i'm trying to hard nick to keep everything together but i can't! i have so much going on you don't even know!" karl screamed as tears of sadness went to anger.

what if people can't just deal with it? what if being toxic was accidental.

you know he's right. nick knows damn well this relationship isn't sturdy. it's crumbling under the pressure or their own feet.

ashes, ashes, they all fall down. the nursery rhyme to there tragic love story.

they couldn't even make it to marriage.

"what do you mean i don't know what's going on! i know everything about you! i just can't believe you would give up on me!"

stop trying to save things that you can't.

giving up is okay sometimes.

you can't fix everything.

stop trying to be perfect. you know damn well you aren't.

let him leave. let him be free from this misery you're putting him through.

karl is and was a flower. a flower so pretty and delicate. you broke him. stop fucking breaking him. you broke him off petal by petal. until he was nothing but a bunch of dried stems.

you ripped his heart apart until it had to depend on you.

stop breaking people for your own good.

"my mom has cancer! she's dying! did you know that nick? since you know everything! all i said was that i don't think i can manage a relationship right now! why can't you understand that?!"

nick knows he's right. why does he keep fighting.

because this whole time, i've been wrong.

you can't just give up.

you have to try.

you need to fight for things you love in life or they will always fucking leave.

you will always be a doormat that is ignored and stepped on.

although there are ups and downs and people can put grow each other, that's doesn't mean to call it quits.

can you fix a broken bridge? yes.

a brunt one? no.

but you can always build a new one.

make new memories, new times together, a new love.

but karl doesn't even know if he should try to rebuild.

"karl...i can't lose you. i know you're going through a lot and i'm sorry for making this about me. but you need help throughout this. i won't let you go through this alone. please let me help you. we need each other"

and the boy was right. because although this love was definitely toxic, toxic love is the best.

i swear to you it's like drugs. the high you're on when you know that what your doing is wrong.

toxic relationships drive off each other's weakness.

karls weakness was himself.

and nicks was being alone.

so together, they let there toxic love continue.

no need to rebuild.

no need to make new memories.

no need to allow themselves to grow and change.

they would rather sit in there pile of ashes.

"i- i'm sorry nick. you're right. i can't just leave when things get bad"

yes you can.

but you'd rather sacrifice your sanity wouldn't you?

you like being toxic.

fucking pathetic.

________

(wc; 835)

sorry for the short chapter! i promise i'm trying to get things out for you guys but i'm scared if i really get into things and mentally crash again, that will be the end of you know what i mean.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 60k READS. I LOVE YOU GUYS <3