wildflower | cth

12.1 - liar

"Favourite artist?" I asked him softly, scared that a sound too loud might ruin the moment, that it would stop the way he was playing with my hair or occasionally drawing figures with his fingertips on my back.

"Too many to name." he replied, his voice just as soft before he shifted his body a little so I could be even closer to him. "Favourite book?"

"Anything by Rupi Kaur. Maybe the sun and her flowers as a favourite of her." I replied, he tilted his head to be able to look at me. "Does that surprise you?"

"I don't know what I expected but not poetry." He said honestly as he let out a soft laugh and I felt his whole body vibrating against me before he laid his head back down.

"Why didn't you?"

"I don't know, you don't look or act like the girl that's into poetry or romantic novels, or movies." He said and I let out a soft chuckle before placing a soft kiss on his shoulder.

"Just because I don't believe that we're all supposed to fall in love and spend forever with someone, doesn't mean I don't like reading or watching people fall in love." I replied and he stayed silent for a few seconds, "I just don't really see myself in a relationship."

"Why not?"

"Just because I don't, it doesn't have a reason." I stayed silent after my reply, it came out harsher than I had wanted it to be and he stayed silent too.

"Some might consider what we have now as a relationship." He whispered after a minute or two but I didn't reply, I knew where he was going and I knew I was going to walk out in a few minutes again. "Have you never considered it?"

"I haven't, I might consider calling it a friendship but nothing else." I answered, he let out a sigh before moving and sitting up. He wasn't looking at me and I just waited for him to say something. And for once I expected him to end it.

"I'm falling for you Lia, everyone warned me for this because you are amazing and kind and perfect. But I always told people, including you, that I wouldn't fall because I knew what we agreed to at the start. I failed the one rule we made, I fell for you and there's no way I can just ignore that anymore. And every time we talk about it, you make me well aware of the fact that I'm going to hit the ground face first. Because the second I end this, I'm going to miss you and you're going to search someone new." He said, his back still facing me. "So that's why I never ended it, why I probably never will because I'd miss you too much and somehow I remain hopefull that you'll change your mind one day. That you'll say that you're falling too."

"Calum..." I said softly but he shook his head.

"If you're going to tell me now that you have to go, don't come back." He got up from his bed and took his boxers before going to the bathroom. He gave me an out, to get out of the conversation and leave. To walk away unaffected and unchanged while I'm pretty sure he was on the verge of tears. I broke him because I couldn't let him in. I broke him because I remained true to my own believes.

"I'm sorry Cal." I said when he still hadn't returned after a minute. I got up from the bed too and put my clothes back on before taking my phone and keys and walking out. I walked away because if I stayed, I'd only end up breaking him more at the end.

I managed to walk out without anyone seeing me and took my bike before going back home. I felt bad for leaving but I knew I made the best decision, I knew staying would have been worse. We just had to rip the bandaid off and realise that we're not on the same page anymore.

"Lia!" Emily shouted from the living room as soon as I entered the house, I walked over and most of them were sitting on or around the couch to watch a movie. "We're watching 21 Jump Street, do you want to watch with us? We've only just started."

"I'm going to head up to my room, I still have to read a bit for an assignment. I'll hang out tomorrow." I said with a smile and she gave me a nod before I went up the stairs to go to my room. I heard someone else running up the stairs behind me so I turned around and noticed Poppy following me.

"So how was it at Valerie's? Or did you go to Sam?" She asked me after I walked into my room.

"They live in the same house, I hung out with both of them." I lied and she closed the door behind me.

"Stop lying Lia, you're a bad liar." She said annoyed and I raised an eyebrow at her, confused with the sudden mood change. "I was talking to Jack two hours ago and when I asked if I could come over, he said 'yeah ofcourse, Lia is here too anyway' followed by 'shit I was not supposed to say that'."

"You were talking to Jack?" I asked her, she had trapped herself but didn't seem to realise until I asked.

"Jack is the only decent guy in that house, we have a few classes together and we're friends. Who are you spending time with?" She said softer, she didn't really care about spilling that she's seeing Jack but she was worried for me. Not only are we not supposed to hang out with them, those guys also have a certain reputation and everyone knows that. Even though they don't live up to the reputation.

"Calum" I said after a few seconds, her worried face turned into disappointment.

"So you decided to spend time with the biggest jackass of them all." She replied with a sigh and I gave her a soft smile before sitting down on my bed. I patted the spot beside me and it didn't take her long to sit down too. "Is it just friends or?"

"Oh no, I went there to have sex. It's not even friends." I replied with a chuckle, I didn't mind being honest to her. I knew she'd keep it a secret for me.

"How long have you been seeing him?"

"A few months? The past two months more frequently and before that -after that one truth or dare game- it was once a week when we were at a party together or just wanted to get laid."

"Lia he is an asshole. He's a cheater and he's not exactly boyfriend material, you can do so much better."

"That's exactly why I went to him in the first place, I don't need a boyfriend or anything. But don't you worry, it's over anyway."

"Do you still think like that? Because you don't exactly seem happy that it's over." She asked, she noticed a slight change in my voice as I said that.

"He admitted that he fell for me and he wanted to talk about what we are but I don't want a boyfriend or anything. I went to him because I needed something simple without any strings attached. I expected him to be able to give me that but then he wanted to talk about feelings. So he ended it tonight, said he had fallen too far and gave me the option to leave and never come back."

"And you just left?" She asked confused.

"Yes, I don't want a boyfriend or a relationship, what we had was great and everything but I wanted it to keep that way, simple. Once you're in a relationship all of that changes and I couldn't do that. Am I going to miss going over there to get laid? Yeah ofcourse, because he was so good in bed but that's it."

"Once again, you're a bad liar Lia."

"I'm not only losing Calum by this, I'm losing Sam too because she'll pick his side and she warned me for that from the start." I said softly, "I wanted to talk tonight but he never didn't give me a chance when I finally wanted to say something. And then he told me that if I was going to say that I had to leave, I couldn't come back anymore. He got up and went to his bathroom, so I left. I left because when I finally wanted to tell him why, he shut me out and leaving was the easier option. Leaving was the least painful option for both of us."

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Originally I was going to let them stay together until 13 but this felt like the right moment.

I was getting frustrated that I was still only at 12 chapters but then remembered I do everything twice so it's actually 24. Next one is already partly written so will be posted somewhere next week.

I have my last exam tuesday and then I finally have a break from school/studying AND I get my COVID vaccination on tuesday so thats another good thing.