wildflower | cth

5.1 - rape

I walked through the doors of the bar, the music playing loudly and half of the people intoxicated. The smell of alcohol and cigarettes was so heavy and present that it nearly became overwhelming. I walked to the bar and sat down. I was half an hour late so I wasn't sure if he would still be here. I raised my hand to get the attention of the bartender and waited until he finally reached me.

"What can I get you?" He asked with a friendly smile.

"You should get their house beer, I highly recommend it." He said as he took place beside me, I looked at him and smiled before looking back at the bartender.

"I'll have a house beer." I said and the bartender gave a nod and walked away before I looked back at the boy beside me.

"I didn't think you would still show up. I'm sure waiting 30 minutes for a girl must be a new record for me." He was trying to throw me off, to be able to see how I really felt or what I thought. But I looked at him and gave him a smile.

"I wasn't planning on showing up but curiosity got the best of me." I told him and he let out a laugh while he shook his head lightly, surprised by my honesty. "Why are we here?"

"I wanted to talk to you without having to worry that someone might see us."

"But why Calum? Why do you keep staring at me from across the room? Why do you come to the library when you never did before? Any girl in college would be dying to get that kind of attention of you, especially now you're president, but still you try to go after the girl you shouldn't talk with? And why now? Why now when you didn't even see me last year?" I asked him too many questions at once and he looked taken back.

"That are a lot of questions." He replied and I laughed softly before thanking the bartender for the beer.

"They all come down to the same question, why me?" I said and he looked at me with a slight grin.

"Why not you?" He simply replied back. "You fascinate me. There's something that makes me want to spend time with you and get to know the Lia you're hiding."

"What makes you think I'm hiding?" I asked him, curious to hear what he had to say. What he thought of me.

"You're rich Lia. You're rich but you join a sorority, you were cheap clothes -you look fantastic in them but you get the point- and you sit in the back of the class between the loud kids while you're quiet. You come across as the shy, nerdy girl but then you hear the stories about you or see you at a party and you become this whole new person. So you're hiding behind a shield and I want to figure out which one is your shield or if they both are hiding a third version." He said and I looked down at beer before bringing it to my lips to drink.

"It is indeed good." I said before I put it back down.

"You're just going to ignore all I've said?" He asked and I laughed before looking back at him, his dark eyes were shining and he had a small grin formed on his face. For once, I really looked at him, I studied the shape of his lips, the small birth marks on his cheek, the soft wrinkles beside his eyes and his perfect jawline.

"So what version do you think I really am? And why can't I be both?" I asked him, he was studying my face too, he was trying to see every detail now that he could.

"I think the version of you in class, comes the closest to who you really are. You probably grew up with a nanny and were homeschooled, so maybe you are trying to make up for the lost time with the partying and one night stands? Maybe you're still trying to figure it out yourself, maybe the versions we see of you now are going to form into who you really are." He said and I smiled at him, "I think you're still hiding parts of yourself to prevent getting hurt."

"And you got all of that from watching me for a few weeks?" I asked him and he let out a laugh before shaking his head.

"Do you really believe I never noticed you before? I noticed you for the first time when you were standing across from me, talking with Emily and later with Sam to get information about the sororities. I noticed you that first day and I hoped you'd choose Sam. I noticed you every day after and I saw you at every party you attended. But I couldn't say hi, I couldn't do anything because I wanted to become president the next year."

"Do you even realise how creepy that sounded?" I asked and we both laughed.

"I do, but you don't seem to mind." He replied and I shook my head. "I didn't stalk you, but you were the first person I noticed when I walked into a room."

"Why are we here Calum?" I asked him, I wanted a clear answer. "Did you want to hook up in the restroom or what? Because you're not the type to date and neither am I. We're the one night stand types, so why are we here?"

"I-" he started but he got thrown off by my question, intrigued by my proposition but instead he shook his head. "I don't know."

"Maybe figure that out first." I said to him and he let out a sigh.

"I just wanted to be able to talk to you and I can't because of that stupid rule and I don't think I can convince Emily into dropping it. So I decided to ask you to come here, it was an impulse decision."

"Do you even know why the rule is there?"

"To be honest, no. Something happened a very long time ago and your house doesn't seem to be able to let it go. I don't think any of the guys even care or know."

"Emily is why that rule is here." I said before picking up my beer again. "Emily is 24 so 25 years ago, Emily's mom was president. They were invited to your house, had a drink and she and one of her friends blacked out. According to what I've heard, they weren't even that drunk so someone probably drugged them. They got raped that night, in your house and nobody ever got the blame for it. The police laughed the case away and said it was their own fault for drinking and wearing a skirt. I know the rule is old and those men are long gone but sons of them are still there. Emily will not drop the rule, because her dad was a rapist and never got the blame or stepped forward to meet his daughter."

"Wait that's what happened? I thought this was about something stupid." He said softly before taking a chug of his beer. "I'm one of the sons."

"I know." I replied and he looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "I like a mystery, so I looked up the yearbooks and everything so I know who's fathers were part of the house. But you got a damn lot of legacies living there."

"But my dad was president too. So even if he didn't do it, he's guilty for letting it happen and hiding it." He realised before he got up and took his jacket.

"Where are you going?" I asked him, he looked so angry all of a sudden.

"I just have to do something." He said before he rushed out and I was left alone at the bar. I looked around at the others, I looked for someone who matched my type to talk to but was left disappointed. I tried not to think about where Calum was going, I tried not to think about anything he told me.

He wasn't even close to getting in my head, but his words kept repeating.

Do I even know who I really am?

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Confession: I havent written in forever and this is my last prewritten chapter.