always been mine - emily prentiss x reader

chapter thirty-seven // intentionally

Your friends cycle through to see her, and you know no one's slept in a day. You haven't slept in over four, except when you slept in Reid's lap a bit ago. You send them home, and you stay with Emily.

When she wakes up, she's dazed, but she smiles up at you. You can't reciprocate it. "Y/N." You grab her hand.

"Em." A kiss to her palm.

"I'm so sorry,"

"You're safe. That's what counts, love. How are you feeling?"

"Ugh." You laugh, and she follows. "What happened to Doyle?" Now you avert your eyes. Emily starts to sit up, but you press a hand to her shoulder telling her to stay down. "Y/N? Did he get away?"

"No, no, I...he didn't get away. He's dead, Emily." She sighs and relaxes her muscles.

"Thank god. Who?"

"Me." Soft as a whisper, fast as the wind, and she sees you don't care to discuss it. As if on cue, there's a knock at the door. Spencer.

"Hey, I didn't think you'd be up yet," he says to Emily with a smile. "How are you feeling?"

"Eh, about as good as you'd expect." Spencer looks down and nods, still smiling.

"I was bringing Y/N some clothes and some coffee." He hands you a bag of clothes and a fresh hot coffee.

"Thanks." You open the bag and Emily's Yale sweatshirt is inside. "You're the best, Spence." He smiles and nods before saying his goodbyes. You change and when you're done, Emily again tries to sit up.

"Can you hand me my phone?" You sigh and comply. "I, uh...I heard your message." You sit back down. You can't look at her.

"Which one?" She doesn't answer. Instead she plays the voicemail.

"Em, it's me. Wherever you are...please come home. God, why did you think you couldn't tell me any of this, baby? I can't lose you. Come home. Come home and we can make this right, I promise you. You have no idea what I would do to get you back right now. I...I love you more than you could ever know, Em. You promised you'd never leave me, never, and now you're gone and I can't even think about the worst-case scenario because...if, if I do, I don't know what's gonna happen. We are going to find you. I don't know how that sounds to you, like a threat or like salvation, but whichever it is, know that it is coming. I love you, angel. Stay safe. And please, Emily, my love...come back home."

Tears are burning your eyes, and Emily grabs your arm. You yank it out of her grip, and she looks hurt. Betrayed. She knows what she's done to you, all that she's put you through, and she knows she sort of deserves this. You desperately desire to hug her and tell her you forgive her. 

But that would be a lie.

"Don't touch me," you mutter with a shake of your head. 

"Love, I—"

"You did what you thought you had to do, Emily. You'd never intentionally hurt me." The word that hung her up was 'intentionally'. She would never intentionally hurt you. Which meant that she did hurt you.

"I'm so sorry, but it's over now, love." You still can't bear to look at her. She touches your hair—

"Stop, Emily." 

You know that if she keeps pressing, or if you keep talking, you'll lash out at her. You don't want to put her through that, despite all the pain this is causing you. Emily looks up at the ceiling, pressing back her tears. 

"You need to get your rest," she tells you. "You look like you haven't slept." Your blood boils. 

"I'm fine,"

"No, you're not, I know you're not—"

"It's not your job, Emily,"

"It is. I have to be worried about you—"

"Stop!" You're not having any of this. Her savior complex, her guilt. You know she's in pain, but so are you. "I can't do this, Emily,"

"Do what?"

"Pretend like I'm the one who needs to be saved, or held back. You left me, Emily. How did..." You trail off to compose yourself. A deep breath. "No. I'm not fine. But I'm not going to put that on you because you don't deserve that,"

"We need to discuss this, Y/N, please,"

"And we will. But right now you need to recover, and I need to calm down. I'm not gonna have this talk with you when I'm angry." Emily opens her mouth to ask why you're angry, but it's obvious. And clearly you won't talk about it. 

"Okay. I love you,"

"I love you, too, Emily." 

You sit in the chair, moving it slightly away from her, and she looks at you every once in a while. "Do you want to go home and get some sleep?" You shake your head, though your mind, posture, and eyelids tell a different story. "Okay, love." The sweatshirt still smells like her. Once she falls asleep, you cry and wipe your tears on the sleeves. You grab your phone and slink into the hallway.

"Hey," you hear. If you open your mouth to answer, a sob will come out. "Y/N?"

"JJ. I'm so sorry..."

"No, no, it's alright, Y/N, why are you crying?"

"I'm sorry, I treated you so awfully—"

"Hey, I understand. But you don't have to get so upset over that, what's really going on?"

"I'm so mad at her, and I can't even talk to her without feeling like I'm gonna say something I'll regret, I don't wanna hurt her, JJ,"

"Do you want me to come down there?"

"No, it's fine. I'm okay. She's asleep, and I..."

"You need to rest, Y/N, you haven't slept for, what, like, five days?"

"Almost,"

"Go home. Your body needs to sleep. I can have someone stay with Emily, if you're worried about her,"

"No, I...you're right. Em said the same thing. Christ, sun's almost coming up," you chuckle. "I'll text you when I get home,"

"Do you want someone with you? I have Henry right now, but Will's picking him up in the morning, I can come by..."

"I'll be okay. Thanks, JJ." You hang up and sneak back into Emily's room. You write her a note and leave it in her lap.

Went home to sleep. Be back later. Love you angel.

Y/N

In your apartment lit only by the soft haze of the morning stood Spencer. "What are you doing here?" you ask him.

"JJ said you needed company,"

"I came home to sleep, Spence,"

"I know. I can read you to sleep." He chuckles softly. "She's worried. She wanted me to make sure you were okay."

"I'm fine. I should text her."

Y/N: just got home. you sent reid??? like i'm not mad but i'm really fine jj

JJ: He was happy to do it. Get some rest xoxo

You gave Spencer a gentle, almost apologetic smile before going into bed. "You tired, Spence?"

"I guess, why?"

"Come lay down. I like having someone in bed anyway." 

You lie next to each other and, as you're trying to get to sleep, you curl up right next to him. Spencer can't help but smile at how peaceful you seem, and puts his arm around you. He falls asleep shortly thereafter.