always been mine - emily prentiss x reader

chapter forty-six // maia

i'm sorry if you hate the name maia i just think it's cute—

—————

She was perfect. Rossi and Morgan finished the case just after she was born, and showed up around seven in the morning. Garcia rushed up to Boston from Quantico, getting there around nine, and she was the last one. Maia Diana Prentiss-Y/L/N was born at 4:36 AM on May 4.

Because she was preterm, she was in the NICU for a bit. Emily half-sat in your bed with you, kissing your forehead. "You're so strong, you know that, darling?" You're falling asleep. Spencer sits across the room, playing chess against himself.

"Godparents," you say loud enough so Spencer hears. He turns and comes over to sit in a chair beside you two.

"None of us are close with family," says Emily. "Who are you thinking?"

"Uh...I was thinking JJ..." you respond slowly.

"And?" Emily asked. She ran her fingers over your hairline.

"Who are you thinking?" you ask softly.

"Hotch," Spencer suggests.

-

She ties with Emily for the most beautiful girl in the world. After what feels like a thousand years you get to take her home. Your sweet little girl.

Spencer's worried for you, and he wants to help with Maia, especially in the first little bit home. He sleeps on the couch, since you've converted your guest bedroom into a nursery. "No, I like the couch. I like being here. If you don't want me here, I'll go—"

"Spence," Emily laughs, "you're always welcome here. Stay as long as you want." Spencer smiles and settles in for the night. Maia's asleep, but that won't last long.

In bed, Emily kisses you sleepily. "She's finally home. I'm so glad. She's doing so well," you murmur.

"Yeah. Are you doing well, sweetheart? How are you?"

"Mm." That's not a reply, and she'll continue to ask. She shifts to look at you. You've been trying to be more honest with her.

"What's that?"

"How are you, Em? Tired?"

"Yeah, but I asked you first. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I just need some rest. Desperately," you force a chuckle. "I'm fine, love. I haven't been sleeping much,"

"I know. Come here. Get your sleep. When she gets up let me or Spence get her, okay?" You nod and Emily runs her fingers over you absentmindedly, lulling you to sleep.

Maia starts crying around midnight and Emily gets up to feed her. You awaken but stay in bed, rolling over to get back to sleep. It's hard to listen to her cry. You groan lightly and roll out of bed, and see Spencer trying to fall sleep on the couch. "Y/N, Emily's got Maia, they're okay." Your brain foggy, you nod and continue into the room.

"Shh...shh...oh, yes, Mama loves you, doesn't she? Yes, yes I do, my sweet little girl. Oh...yes, shh...shh..."

Emily heard the door creak open and the orangish hallway light made her glow. "Shh..." She was still talking to Maia, but looking up at you. You closed the door with a soft click. Your tiny baby girl, in a purple and white dinosaur onesie, sleeping in your wife's arms. "I told you I'd get her, honey,"

"Yeah, I know, I just couldn't sleep knowing she was up." Emily furrows her brow slightly with concern before you say, "Here, let me put her in." You take her from Emily slowly so she doesn't wake, and ever so carefully let her down into her crib. "Now we can go to bed." You kiss Emily and smile, both of you completely spent.

She keeps her hand on your upper back until you get into bed. Somehow you still can't fall asleep. "Sweetheart, what's going on?" Emily asks. "Please, I want to help you, love,"

"I don't know what's wrong, Em." You tear up and Emily makes sure she hugs you tight. "I love her so much, it's just...I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Hey, shh, I'm right here. You wanna talk now or in the morning?"

"I can't sleep," you whisper.

"Now it is, then. What feels bad, honey?"

"I'm so scared. And so fucking numb. I love Maia so much, and I love you, you two are my world. Please don't ever think I don't love you, Emily,"

"No, hey, never,"

"But it's just this ache, this void. I know depression, god, do I ever, and this...this is about right. But I'm scared, too, that something's gonna happen when I leave her, or you, or when I can't see her. She's so tiny, Emily, so fragile—"

"Y/N. Sweetheart. We're gonna get you help for this, okay?" You sigh.

"I'm really tired, can we just try and go to sleep?"

"Wait. Sweetheart, it'll get better. 'Kay? I'm right here for you, all the time. You know that, right?"

"Mm-hmm,"

"Good. Alright. I love you,"

"Love you too,"

"Now let's sleep. God knows she'll have us up in a few hours anyway. G'night, love,"

"Night."