not over you // m.espinosa & s.wilk, ft l.butler

(31) Santa Monica Pier

song of the chapter: I need you by m83

quick a/n, after this book Im going to be writing a sammy fan FIC so stay tuned for that. I felt like this chappie was sorta rushed but I wanted it to end this way. so yea, hope you guys enjoy. ( ps, the story is ending in like three chapters, so just keep that in mind :])

Take this away, oh take this away. You loved me last night, but what about today.' The music played through my speakers. I was casually editing my morning routine video and listening to some music.

I've been lacking on my vlogs for my second channel and I realized it's because I haven't really been doing anything. Well, I have been but it's just some things that I don't want to share.

Jenn was making some breakfast in the kitchen. For some odd reason, we both woke up at 5 in the morning but went to sleep at 2. You know what they say, sleep is for the weak. Or do they still say that?

As I continued editing my videos, my phone buzzed, indicating that I got text. I knew it was Sammy because I was texting him ever since I woke up.

Samuel Howard 😊
'Headin over now.'

And I may have invited him over to breakfast. The more the merrier I guess. No, I don't have that much friends so, that is depressing.

I threw my phone on the bed and added the final touches to the video and began the process of uploading it. I knew it would take a while, so I decided to head down and check on breakfast. Grabbing my phone, I walked downstairs and walked into the kitchen.

"How's breakfast going?" I said to Jenn as I sat on the island chair. She turned around, probably startled by me. "Well I'm on the last piece of bacon. Is Sam on his way?" she asked.

Before I could answer, the doorbell went off. I nodded before walking over to the door. Looking through the peephole to make sure, I saw a really sleepy Sammy. I opened the door and gave him a hug.

Something inside me didn't want to let go. It felt safe to be in his arms and im glad he didn't question how long the hug was. I just really needed one.

Finally letting go, I grabbed his hand and walked over to the kitchen.

Jenn had already begun eating and was scrolling through her laptop. "Hey Sammy, what's up?" She stood up and gave him a quick hug, "I'm probably gonna go back to sleep after eating." I grabbed my plate of food and sat next to Jenn.

"Didn't Matt ask you to meet him at the pier later on today?" Sammy asked joining us. Oh yea, wow how could that completely slip out of my mind. "Oh that. Yea I actually forgot."

"What? You forgetting such an occasion?" he gasped. I let out a laugh. "Beverly only remembers things she wants to remember." i replied.

Jenn spoke up after being silent for so long, "Are you saying you don't want to be with Matt?" I actually began thinking about it.

Did I really want to be with Matthew though. What if this whole time I was really just using him to get over Logan? That everything that I felt for him was a complete lie.

Whatever it is, it's really confusing and I just want it all to stop. What if I meet with him at the pier to tell him that there can't be us. Would it be better than just leaving him there to wait for nothing. Well he won't have nothing because he'll have Bobby. and since she's with him, he shouldn't even be trying to make us happen.

And to think that everything was going to fall into place.

*

"I'll be around. Just call me when you're ready to go, alright?" Sammy said to me, as he looked out at the ocean before facing my direction.

"It's going to be fine. It will all work out for you in the end." he reassured. I nodded and gave him a quick hug before leaving him be. Matthew said he was near the Ferris wheel so I began making my way toward it.

I finally got there but there was no sign of him. "Looking for me?" I heard a voice behind me say. i jumped as I turned around. Matthew was smirking, even though it was kinda dark, I could still see him.

I smiled a little. "We're going on the Ferris wheel, is that alright?" he asked. I think he's trapping me, and I don't like the feeling but I agreed anyways.

I nodded and we got onto the ride. The first few minutes were silent because we had to make our way up. We finally got to the top and I saw the beauty of California.

"Okay I just wanted to get a few things off my chest." He spoke up, "I really liked you, I did. For some reason I just feel like something is telling me thats its you I should've been with."

I interrupted him before he can say anything that will damage any more relationships. "Matthew."

"No let me finish. If you want to try and make this work, I'm willing. I'm willing to give up everything and give it all to you." he said, looking into my eyes. I looked back at him but it was different this time.

I didn't feel all my emotions washing down on me like I usually did. Nothing felt the same and it felt as if i was going numb. I was hesitant to admit that I felt nothing, my stomach didn't flip in excitement or my heart wasn't skipping a beat.

"I don't know how I would be knowing that I was the reason that you two broke up, the guilt would just keep building up inside me and it will all be too much. I can't live with myself if that happened. That feeling you had was something you shouldn't have listened to. You should listen to your heart, and its telling you Bobby." i said to him, taking his hand in mine. he couldn't believe anything I was saying.

"Don't do this to me, please." his voice cracked. It broke my heart to see him like this but Bobby doesn't deserve this. He wouldn't have chose her for no reason and throw me to the side.

I mentally sighed, the situation felt like it was getting nowhere. "You can't to this to her. She can love you more than I can." As a tear, that I've been fighting back, slid down my face.

"Why?" he asked, the tears began violently began streaming down my face. It was all too much. Everything that I've been feeling was all bottled up inside me and its all overflowing inside me. The ride was coming to an end and we were almost at the bottom.

I didn't know if I had enough guts to say this. But I did and it felt like a big weigh was lifted off of me. "You already lost her once, she doesn't deserve to be hurt again, Matt." It was our turn to get off and we did so.

"It doesn't have to end this way Bev." he said.

"Yea, it didn't have to end this way, but you made the decision to meet up. You wanted to talk about making us happen. Then I chose to come, I turned you down and it feels like your world is crashing down and there's no hope for anything anymore. Let me tell you something though Matt, you're going to have Bobby to pick you back up. Then you're going to realize that what we had is a just a piece of your past that is no longer important to you. I know that because that's exactly what you put me through. But I had someone to help me through it all, and you should be happy that you do too because God knows that if Bobby found out about this, you might loose her and have no one. This is how we're ending Matt, and all because of one decision." With that, I turned around and walked away from him. Tears flowing down my face, wondering if this was the right thing.