not over you // m.espinosa & s.wilk, ft l.butler

(20) I'm Sorry okay? I'm Sorry

song of the chapter: i cant make you love me by bon iver

Sometimes when you feel like your life is getting better, it takes a turn for the worst. It's just full of surprises.

One minute you could be just chilling, not a care in the world. The next minute, you're in bed, crying over something so pathetic.

It just happens so drastically, you don't even know how to react to it.

But I expected it. I knew that it was coming sooner or later. There was a feeling deep down in me, that something would get in between Matthew and I.

Happiness was always something that never came easy for me.

Carter told me everything Matthew said to me after I left them alone for there FaceTime call. It hurt me more than anything, mentally and physically. It's like your own mother slapped you right in the face.

He tried to make an effort to talk to me once. Once.

It was hard for me to not just pick up the phone and call him. Matthew has completely taken over my mind and that's all I could ever think about.

I know I shouldn't be thinking of him, but how can I stop? I went on twitter and my whole time line was him and that Bobby chick.

So this is how most girls in the fandom feel about me. Seeing someone you like a lot with some other girl.

Do I like Matthew though? Or was he was my toy to help me move on from Logan? Am I really moved on from Logan though?

What if I'm not and these unexplainable feelings for Matthew are covering up the ones for Logan.

"Hey, are you okay?" Sammy said, snapping me out of my endless thoughts. They never seem to end. It's just a continuation and it tortures me.

"I'm just thinking. The usual." I replied in a matter-o-factly term. We were both sprawled out on the sofa on Nash and Cameron's porch.

It was almost 7. The sun was just about to rise. You're probably thinking, "why are you guys up at six in the morning?"

Well long story short, I couldn't sleep and I came down here. Sammy heard me and he decided to join me. We've basically been here since 4 in the morning.

"Mmm mmm, shame shame shame." he said, moving his head side to side. I knew he was joking because he put in some hand movements as well.

"What did I do wrong Wilkinson?" I asked raising my eyebrow. He always had something to say.

"You're thinking." he said in a duh tone. Does he not expect me to think? It's like saying I can't eat.

Gosh, this kid is weird sometimes. Why am I even friends with him? Oh yea, you didn't really have a decision.

"Still don't see the problem." I said, sitting up and facing his direction.

"Well for one," he says sitting up and facing me as well, "this is the time to just relax and not think about anything. I understand that it might be hard but, it's the truth."

"how do I do that. It seems so much more easier for you." I sighed, placing my head in my hands.

"Just stop what you're doing and listen to our surroundings." he said grabbing my hands and holding them. He slowly closed his eyes, slightly squeezing my hand.

I closed my eyes but I didn't hear much. I was too focused on Sammy's breathing next to me. It was actually kinda soothing. I didn't feel the need to think about anything. It was so soothing, especially since I was tired. I was about to fall asleep when I felt myself being picked up.