Can't Take What's Mine (GxG)

Houston Bound

"Stop!" Crystal laughed covering her ass with both hands. I don't know why she thought she could walk around in her thong bending over and packing and shit and I wasn't gonna do something.

"I should've sent you to school" she teased. It's Friday and neither one of us have been back to that place. Crystal didn't need to. She put on her two weeks notice like she was suppose to, and her time was up.

I had to whine and convince her to let me stay home. She gave in, but only because I start homeschooling next week. I told her I didn't want to come to school looking beat up on my last days..  which is partially true. I was bruised up pretty bad. My stomach took it the worst, that bat really tore my ass up.

I really didn't want to go back in that place. I was glad it was over. I could have a fresh start in a state where nobody knows who I am, or what I've done.

Crystal went to pick up a heavy box and I got up quickly taking it out of her hands.

She gave me a look.

"I had it! You're supposed to be resting"

"Me resting isn't going to have us ready to leave tomorrow." I said setting it on top of all the other boxes that were ready to go. We picked up my clothes from Cam's yesterday. Von almost seemed a little disappointed that I was leaving. I guess she got use to sharing a blunt with somebody.

At Cam's place I stood in the room I called mine for about a month. It wasn't a good feeling. It felt like all the guilt that is eating me alive was still trapped in the space. I pulled my gun out of the front of my pants. Crystal didn't know I still had it but now it's time get rid of it. All it would do is freak her out anyway.

I stared down at it. Moving it in my hand. All the bad memories flooded back in.

"Bae, is that everything?" I heard her coming down the hall so I quickly lifted up the mattress hiding the gun under it.

I don't need it where I'm going. I can't start over if I bring the problem.

"Baby?" Crystal repeated coming in.

I was frozen. I don't know whether it was frozen in guilt.. fear of the future.. remembering I almost took my life with that gun in this room.

She wrapped her arms around my waist. This probably sounds dumb as fuck, but every time she touches me my heart feels warmer. I feel like maybe I can be better. Maybe there is somebody who actually loves me. And doesn't just want to use me.

"Hey" she mumbled kissing my cheek. "I know I wasn't always there. I dont know what happened while I was dealing with Eric but I can see that it haunts you. Just remember, we're leaving it here. It can't follow us. You're going to get a fresh start and you can start over... as an adult. These people don't know you. As long as you act like an adult that's what they'll know you as."

In that moment, her telling me that calmed me down; but as I sat back down on the couch from helping her with the boxes, I realized how suffocating it was. How much pressure I felt. What if I'm not better? What if we move and she decides she doesn't want me? Or worst what if she finds out about all the shit I've done.. like what I did to her fiancé isn't bad enough.

While I was deep in thought she climbed onto my lap, wrapping her arms around my neck.

She kissed my lips five times in a row. I guess I didn't respond like she wanted, she moved my hair out of the way and started kissing on my neck.

Maybe I was just in my feelings but it was starting to get aggravating. It reminded me of Tonya. How she always put her feelings over mine. I know Crystal probably didn't mean it like that, but doesn't she see I'm going through shit.