Different Sides To The Same Story

Chapter six - Jason Dalton

   "I don't understand, I thought that was what you wanted?" I question, as she dries her hair with a towel. I dropped Layla back at my sisters house and took Lily back to mine. I let her take a shower and put on an old t-shirt and pajama pants of mine before I spoke to her about what happened.

"I don't either, I thought it was what I wanted too. But then when he started saying all those things about you and like insulting you I just couldn't take it anymore-" She says, tears forming in her eyes as her voice cuts off.

"Hey it's okay." I tell her, trying to calm her down as I pull her into my chest, rubbing her back soothingly. "Half the things your dad said were true though." I tell her.

She pulls her head from my chest, looking up at me, "No it's not." she argues, "You're a funny, kind and considerate person. You're nothing like anyone says about you." She tells me, small tears going down her face.

Even though I know none of that's true, I don't argue, instead just hugging her again and letting her cry into the front of my shirt. I don't understand what she's so upset about, she wanted this. I thought she wanted this. Now I feel like this is my fault. Shit. I disappointed and hurt yet another person. Like I always do. "Hey you should probably get some sleep." I tell her, leading her to my bed.

She climbs in and when I try to leave she stops me, "Can- can you lay with me, just until I fall asleep." She asks, she sounds so broken.

I nod, laying on top of the covers beside her. I lay there thinking about everything she told me about. I hurt her, I didn't mean to, but I still did. I lay there until her breathing evens out and I think she's asleep.

I quietly climb out of bed, pulling the small flat metal from my dresser and removing the loose floorboard. Inside lies everything I need. I grab the small razor blade, taking my phone from the nightstand and walking to the bathroom.

I close the toilet seat sitting down and rolling up my sleeve. My finger runs along the short lines. All of them have healed leaving them red and scarred. It had been three weeks, but now in the heat of the moment I can't see anything other than the blade and my arm.

I hold the blade to my arm, pulling back deep and slow on one of the unmarked spots. The blood slowly fills the wound, running down my arm and dripping on the floor. I bring it to my arm again, a few inches from the last cut. The skin splits apart, leaving blood in between. The crimson red flows from the side by side cuts, dripping a few more times onto the floor.

I feel better but also worse. The same that comes from cutting hurts more than the actual wounds do. I stand from the toilet putting two bandaids across the two cuts. I wipe up the blood, leaving the only memory of this event stuck to my skin, to be there forever.

I end up watching tv most of the night, stopping myself from dwelling on the fact I relapsed. I had to change the bandages when the cuts bled through them.

I just hope Lily will feel better in the morning. That's all I care about right now. I don't care that I relapsed. I don't care that Lily might hate me. I don't care that I've fucked up one more thing in my life.

---

"Jason wake up." I hear, as I open my eyes, glancing around my living room. Lilith's face appears to my right, "C'mon get up, we're gonna be late for school." She tells me. Pulling my arm, I hide the wince I feel when she unknowingly grabs the fresh cuts. "I hope you don't mind, I needed to borrow some clothes." She tells me. I glance at her outfit. She's wearing one of my black hoodies, it's the one from my last school, and she's wearing my sweatpants.

"You're not mad?" I question, rubbing my eyes and looking up at her.

A look of confusion crosses her face, as she furrows her eyebrows, "What would I be mad about?" She asks.

"About-" I cut myself off, "Nothing." I stand up, stretching and cracking my hurting neck. Maybe sleeping on the couch wasn't the best idea. "Let me just get dressed, I'll be right back." I tell her, walking to my room and throwing on the first outfit I find. An old 'virginity rocks' long sleeve which is ironic because I'm far from a virgin, and some black jeans.

When I return to the living room Liliths not there, I find her waiting at the front door, impatiently tapping her foot. "Okay let's go." She rushes out, opening the door and hurrying me out before I even finish lacing my shoes.

"Why are you rushing?" I ask, getting into my car.

"Because I've got volleyball practice at like eight." She tells me.

I glance at the clock, realizing it's quarter to eight, also known as an hour and forty minutes till school actually starts, "Ugh what am I supposed to do when I get to school an hour early?" I question, glancing at her as I start the car.

"I dunno, you could come watch me." She tells me, "Or you could just beg Seth to come to school early and you two could get high before class." She adds. God this girl knows me well.